Day 9 sober. Still feeling sluggish

[Dixiechick72]

So Many of u know my story. Day 9 off of badly abusing norco.  Funny cause I had a few melt downs this weekend. One on my poor Hubby. But my head felt like it was in such a fog yesterday.. I was beginning to think it was the stuff I was using to sleep. So lastnight I took only half and didn't sleep. So I'm going to my vitamin store today to get some of the other things to try. My Hubby and I walked laps at the park yet after I was done I felt like jello. Yuck. Really. I was a lazy @ss the rest of the night. I don't want to be like this.  I know it will take time to feel normal. I came across some old bottles of mine and I found some tramadol refills. I actually laughed and tossed the bottles. Screw u!!! Really???!!! I've made it this far. I still have stomach issues but I'm dealing with it.  Hard part is I'm alone right now. My demons have been slowly paying me visits. But I'm ok. I know I have to heal my past. I have to let go of the things that hurt me. I need to be there now for my 4 kids 3 grandkids. My Hubby and most of all myself. I need me again. I use to laugh all the time. I was a dork but got lost in those damn pills. I don't ever want that life again. I need to be myself again!!! Live and laugh as I did before. Thanks to everyone here. U have all carried me through these rough patches. I don't know how I can ever repay what I got here. My Hubby got mad a few times seeing me on my phone so much. Because I was posting or checking on people.  I don't think he knew how bad I was abusing. He knew I was but looked the other way... But we've been talking and it's helped. But I know there's a lot more issues I need to face. And I will now that my eyes are open.  Lesa, minn , waz , Akita sonrissa pat kme and many more have been god send gifts to me. Thank u all so much for ur help.  Have a great day. Hopefully I can get up and move today. I want my @ss at the gym today. ;)

[minn66]

Good morning, Dixie, I hope you wake up to a better Day 10! That's right, you're a Double D now ;) You know, Double Digits! Think back and realize how freaking awesome that is! I am very proud of you. You are well on your way, hun. I will be on as I can today and want you to know I am thinking of you.

Big hugs,
Minn

[Bones216]

Dix, hang in there girl, you can and will do this. You have inspired me so much the past two days. I have surfed this site more than facebook, ever. Time and time again you encourage, and give hope to those in need. You know the drill: minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. This moment shall pass. I will talk to ya in morning, be strong

[Dixiechick72]

Lol I thought it was ok. Now I'm dead from no sleep and my stomach has been bad. Buts that's ok. I'm alive right??!!

[Dixiechick72]

So so true!!!! :) thank u girl. U have really lifted me today when I needed u most!!! Thanks for having my back

[thewaz]

OMG..that's so awesome.  love you right back

[Sonrissa]

"When you want it the most, there's no easy way out"  And THAT'S the way it is!!

[Dixiechick72]

Ok did it. Only 20 min of cardio. Now relaxing in sauna... It's a start right??! I feel like jello. Let's hope this and melatonin help me sleep tonight.  Thanks for the shove!!! Love ya Waz!!!

[thewaz]

Consider yourself shoved hard.  After all that ear pulling on Sunday I owe you a shove.  Go Gym Girl!

[Dixiechick72]

Lol.  I did dance but not naked. My knockers might knock me out. I'm in front of the gym right now really pushing my butt to go in. Omg this is hell today but hey at least my day is half way over right!!! Woo hoo !!! Ok guys and gals. Going into gym now!!!  Push me anyway u can!!!

[thewaz]

Good spots will soon replace the rough spots.  More and more. Trust the waz.

[thewaz]

NO SURRENDER  Take your clothes off and dance naked in the street!

[Dixiechick72]

Exactly!!!! :)  funny how things bring u up and down huh!!! This was a good boost I needed.  Hoping ur doing ok. Seems like a lot of us are hitting rough spots today. Thats ok. At least were sober. Right !!!

[Sonrissa]

NO SURRENDER! And that's the way it is!

[Dixiechick72]

Damn now u made me cry!!! Where I lead u will follow. U realize u just added more to my shoulders!!! But I happily accept the challenge. I'm here carrying u and everyone else I can. Sometimes it helps me more to focus on others instead of me!!!:). Thank u girl. U inspired me!!! So did our song. You would have laughed if u saw me cleaning and playing that song. Had the fist pumping in the air and all Lol!!!

[Sonrissa]

Hi Dix! Boy, this is the hardest thing ever, isn't it? Just when you start feeling good, then WHAM, you get slammed again! Sometimes I think it is punishment for everything I've done! I just have to live through the punishment and it will be over! You have the best attitude! You have gotten me through some of the most difficult times! We will get there, one step at a time! Where you lead, I will follow! If you stumble, I will pick you up! If I fall behind, wait for me!

[Dixiechick72]

Lol thank u. I needed that boost. Yeah 3 hours was crazy but back then I took pride in how I looked.  I wanted to be a body builder. After having 8 kids ( 4 my own 4 surrogate babies) I looked and felt great!!!  I think it's important to take pride in ur body. I want that back. I let myself go. So I realize the baby steps is a good idea. I think I'll take those baby stepdad the gym though. I need to for my own good.  I like to show people moms especially u can still look good after kids!!!  Who knows where this will lead me but I think it's positive!!!  Mad love for u doll!! Thanks

[Dixiechick72]

Thank u. That helped me. Gives me hope and more to look forward to. I will keep going. I've lost too much getting here I'm not going back. I just want to get through all this and really be better. Thank u. Hope ur doing ok as well. Still thinking of u!!!

[thewaz]

Early on in my W/D a very wise person said to me..we addicts expect immediate gratification.  it's what we're used to.  So Sarah is right...patience is very hard.  I bet you feel a bit better after you've eaten.  Everytime I feel my energy lapse I eat a little something. A piece of cheese. Some yogurt.  And back up I go.  Now 3 hours in the gym.   That's a lot.  And that's looking back.  You, knowing you, will probably be there again at some point.  But remember the just left a train wreck.  Maybe don't go to the gym yet.  Start walking outside.  Get some strength back.  And then baby steps at the gym.  Just do a freaking half hour.  And if you can't do that do 10 minutes.  Who cares what it is?  As long as it's more than nothing!

[akitagurl12]

i remember week 2 completely took me off guard.  That was when it started being a lot more emotional & alot of cravings.  Week 2 in my experience is when i had the most meltdowns.  But there is good news, if you hang on, don't give up, you WILL really start to feel much better by week 3 and beyond.  You are doing awesome, and remember, you will never, ever have to go through all this again as long as you keep those chemicals out of your brain.  Keep moving forward!

[Dixiechick72]

I threw everything out.  I'm sure I burned myself on refills anyways so I'm not worried about that. Thank u!!! I don't crave anything I think it's the lack of sleep and a little feeling down today. I'm trying to eat so I can get to the gym and then I stay at my parents for the week with my kids. That way we are always with people. I need that right now !!  

[Dixiechick72]

Hi there. Thank u. I know it takes time. As u see I'm beating myself up a little. I actually planned on the sauna and spa after my workout. I've been doing the spa thing everynight but I'm tired today. I didn't sleep much. So I think I'm just moody.
Oh waz... It's nice to know about the stomach issues. I thought it was suppose to be over with. So I'm glad to learn it's still normal!!!;) thanks again

[Dixiechick72]

Thank u. Oh how I wish I could be at the beach today. It's about a 2 hour drive for me.  I'm not sure if itsbecause I haven't eaten yet I just feel my energy level is zero today.  I'm going to eat and see if it helps. I'm really going to do my best about the gym. I know it takes time but I also know I use to put 3 hours a day in at the gym. I think that's why I'm beating myself up. I want to be at that level not this!!  Time will heal. I do need to talk though. I'm finding a lot of things I did were really stupid. Now I think I see u pulling my shirt to move my butt to the gym.  :) thank u for letting me talk

[dominosarah]

We arent very patient people so this part is hard Dixie.  You will get the energy and sleep back but it does take time.  Our body and mind have to heal.  Whether you realize this or not those refills will get those demons talking to you.  Call and cancel them ASAP.  You will feel better when you do.

[kme17]

Hey everyone is different. Uyou should do a little each day. Let me put it this way. I have excercise on and off alot in my life. N when you go so long w o it. Its hard to start back. U feel sluggish and sore the first couple weeks. But u have to a lil more each time n you will build it back up. Swimming is great for the body muscles. An relaxing too