Just wondering

[Laura20]

What make us more prone to think that pills could fix lifes problems? Is it because were exra sensitive & feel things more& want to shut it out? Is it the intial energy or high that will never feel again? Why do I still think it makes life better when I know it doesnt?  Just can't sleep & wondering how I ever got in this mess & why I used to think it was the answer.

[seeksolice]

I started using just to a little recreationally, back when I was younger, but my DOC went from pot to crystal meth, back to pot, to Xanax, then to vicodin.

I don't know the reason I began using. What I DO know though is I have some heavy genetic factors that play a role- my dad is a heavy alcoholic, my uncle a heroic addict, my other uncle dead from an overdose/liver failure at age 32, my grandmother was an alcoholic.  That's my paternal side- my maternal side, I'm not sure the history there, but my maternal grandma was a cig. smoker.

I think for me, genes play a HUGE role in this. I need to figure out how to live life sober, knowing that I have been hardwired to abuse drugs. Bringing a child into this world worries me so much because he will have the same genes.

[broknbck]

Ha- why do we think it will fix everything? Because we all were in messes and then we got the pills and it did fix everything!! and then some even!

Problem is, it doesn't last and then you are in a bigger mess.

Hey- it has happened to all of us. We just couldn't see what was farther down the road. Hopefully word is getting out and there won't be so many getting caught in the same trap.

[shelley04]

Well, I ask my sub doctor (who is a psychiatrist) about this very thing just yesterday.  As I was feeling very down on myself, low self esteem, guilty etc. about how and why i let myself get started on this in the first place.  He seems to believe that it is all related to biology and that our brains were basically destined to pick up some type of habit.  I can't explain it as well as he can but he does not believe we should feel so bad about ourselves b/c we are not totally to blame.  I hope this makes some sense.  

[worried878]

I agree with lady, domino and gizzy...it is a false sense of security..very false....guess for some the pills hit a spot we are deficient in...I am not sure...but then why after we quit then we still want them and they dont help anything/cept make it worse is a puzzle...i guess the brain longs for some feeling it remembers from the past....probably due to the receptors and brain healing that we need as well....I just know it gets better with time

[gizzy32]

this is a good question and i really don't know why. i think many of us are  overly sensitive and possibly feel too much at times, i think i do anyway. my ups are up and my down's are down, nothing between. that's why it's so important for us to identify  why we use. besides being completely and hopelessly addicted to cocaine, i used mostly to numb out so i didn't have to think so much. now that im clean ive learned i can't change the person i am. i too believed life was better high, but that is the lie of addiction, it makes you believe that.

[dominosarah]

Pills give us a false sense of security.  I felt like superman in a females body but in reality i wasnt at all.   It was always easier to numb my feelings up than deal with them.  Now it is easier to deal with my feelings not being numb.  Im not sure i was sensitive i think it was more a control thing.  I have always had a control issue and hated any type of authority.  That is something that i work on on a daily basis.  Life is so much better being clean and dealing with my issues with a clear head.  Hope this helps.  Keep going forward.  Stay strong                     sara

[lady67]

I started out using following a series of sinus surgeries and tonsilletomy.  That was one painful surgery let me tell you.  I was using them less than directed by the doctor, but I was using them at night.  I  would feel like super girl.  I had an 18 month old baby and I was able to get the house cleaned spotlessl, put phots in albums and get everything I needed to do accomplished.  As I realized I had a problem, I was using them to isolated myself so I wouldn't have to face anyone.  Before I knew it I was a full blown addict.