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Dealing with the pain and loss of dignity associated with addiction
I hope that I don't offend anyone with this posting. That isn't my intention. I just feel that this story is worth sharing. And, I do also have a question that directly relates to addiction.
I myself am not an addict. I lurk and read your posts; it helps me to understand. I feel that I know you.
For several years, I was in a relationship with a gentleman who became addicted to opiates (oxy). He didn't have pain but was just abusing drugs. We were very much in love and at one time engaged to be married. He was a successful professional and to outsiders appeared to have the perfect life. But inside, he was always struggling. He fought the addiction. He went through treatment several times and tried attending both AA and NA. Eventually I had to end our relationship because I could no longer deal with the "craziness"... but I never stopped loving him. He took a leave of absence from work and spent last summer on a big bender (we worked together). That ended with getting arrested at a drug house and sent to treatment. After that he came back to work. He was clean from drugs (I think) but heavily abusing alcohol. His work suffered A LOT. He bleached his hair and let his physical appearance go. He got several DUIs.
On March 3, he didn't show up for work. His manager and another co-worker went to his house to check on him and found him in his bed. He'd shot himself in the head. I went to the hospital and sat with him until he died later that day.
This disease kills. Now those left behind suffer. Please don't allow it to take more lives. -J
I myself am not an addict. I lurk and read your posts; it helps me to understand. I feel that I know you.
For several years, I was in a relationship with a gentleman who became addicted to opiates (oxy). He didn't have pain but was just abusing drugs. We were very much in love and at one time engaged to be married. He was a successful professional and to outsiders appeared to have the perfect life. But inside, he was always struggling. He fought the addiction. He went through treatment several times and tried attending both AA and NA. Eventually I had to end our relationship because I could no longer deal with the "craziness"... but I never stopped loving him. He took a leave of absence from work and spent last summer on a big bender (we worked together). That ended with getting arrested at a drug house and sent to treatment. After that he came back to work. He was clean from drugs (I think) but heavily abusing alcohol. His work suffered A LOT. He bleached his hair and let his physical appearance go. He got several DUIs.
On March 3, he didn't show up for work. His manager and another co-worker went to his house to check on him and found him in his bed. He'd shot himself in the head. I went to the hospital and sat with him until he died later that day.
This disease kills. Now those left behind suffer. Please don't allow it to take more lives. -J
I agree with Pammy. Your mother wants you to get better. Wouln't you want your daughter to be well. Tough love is hard on a parent. Remember, when your depression is so bad that is when you are on your way. I know it is hard to remember when you feel so bad, but you will get better, I promise. I got so depressed I really wanted to end it all and I thought of ways to do it, but I knew in my heart I would not. It was a hard 4 1/2 months, but it was so worth it. Hang in there and I will be thinking of you. Keep posting!
Take care,
Sandy
I kept reading this post every day and it really kept me going. Every day even though I was not posting, because I felt too bad to type, I would read something that would give me inspiration. So, keep reading.
Thanks to everyone.
Take care,
Sandy
I kept reading this post every day and it really kept me going. Every day even though I was not posting, because I felt too bad to type, I would read something that would give me inspiration. So, keep reading.
Thanks to everyone.
Hi,
This is for Zoe 1--wow what a depressing story.
I am so very sorry for you and really empathise with you. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years is on oxy's and cannot stay away from them, he just uses them for entertainment, not pain....I travel out of town on business alot and always have this dread fear of coming home to something as awful as you had to face. It really becomes an unmanageable crazy world doesn't it. I am not sure how you were finally strong enough to let go, I really admire you for that, but I am certain that it did not help to ease your pain in losing him. How are you doing now? I am glad to hear you do not blame yourself in anyway...it's just so difficult to understand why they cannot see how terrific life is and how much better it can be without the drugs, I'm just am thankful and pray that I never have to know it from their side.
This is for Zoe 1--wow what a depressing story.
I am so very sorry for you and really empathise with you. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years is on oxy's and cannot stay away from them, he just uses them for entertainment, not pain....I travel out of town on business alot and always have this dread fear of coming home to something as awful as you had to face. It really becomes an unmanageable crazy world doesn't it. I am not sure how you were finally strong enough to let go, I really admire you for that, but I am certain that it did not help to ease your pain in losing him. How are you doing now? I am glad to hear you do not blame yourself in anyway...it's just so difficult to understand why they cannot see how terrific life is and how much better it can be without the drugs, I'm just am thankful and pray that I never have to know it from their side.
No new questions allowed today. I have one. I have to assume that most of the people on this forum have kids. I do 6&8.When you are having one of those bad days, how do some of you handle your kids. Mine are pretty good,compared to some Ive seen. They are just very busy and I know it is my job to entertain them,but on one of my bad days I wish they would just watch a little tv.Do the rest of you fight off the bad days and ride bikes and go to arcades with your kids? I never let them know Im sick(dont want to scare them)but sometimes tell them I just need a nap and they freak like it's supposed to be a three ring circus around here 24/7. Its summer vacation shouldnt they want to go out and play instead of sitting inside playing with mom. Just wondering how you other moms/dads deal with stuff like this? Doner
By the way I was wondering if anyone knows if there's a difference between methadone and methadose. They keep changing the label on my b/f script and the pills look different almost everytime.Do they do the same thing and have the same effectivness? Thanks,Doner
My kids are 6 and 9. I've really used them as my inspiration this last month. I've looked through old photo albums ad remembered what it was like when there were no drugs around. It does sound as though you have it much tougher than I do, if you are home all day with them during the summer as their entertainment. Thats got to be tough for any parent day in and day out. Hang in there!
To the many people that suffer, have suffered, or will suffer from an opiate addiction...I write this now to let you all know
that I am going thru withdrawls for the 3rd or 4th time in my life. In july of 99, I was struck by a vehicle that pulled right out in front of me. I was driving to a fourth of july party in my freshly waxed 71 Chevy Nova SS. One the accident happened my foot was in a lot of pain, but I kinda shrugged that off and was wprried about my car. The hospital sent me home
with some medicine for the pain Tylenol w/codeine. No big Deal, I was 24 at the time and never even took pills for a headache nevermind this addictive stuff. So, as the pain continued I went to an Ortho-Surgeun who without care, prescribed my Vicoden, then up to vicodin es. I guess I was probably taking 7-9of those a day.I remember one night wondering why I was so talkiitive and excited about everything, because I always took 1 pill just sleep thru the night, eventually I figured out that it was he medicine and, that night I became an addict. It seems to always come back though, I recently pulled a tendon in my arm at work and they prescribed me vicoden. I know..I know, I should have said something, but I didn't. I took the pills ad used em all and the hunt was on for more. I had a person suplying me with morphine pils, he is now in jail for selling drugs. I don't want to end up like that and i don't think any of you do either. It soes seem like forever, in fact I feel so week and crappy that all I wanted to do is get to the computer and tell my story. Thanks for readig, and believe me, the sooner you stop the better. Last summer I was clean and I never felt better. Now I ave lost wirght, have constant shakes when I try to sleep, nothing I enjoy doing works as my concentration sucks.....Well good luck to us all and God Bless..take care of your body's it's the only thimg you truly own and have power over..bye 4 now
that I am going thru withdrawls for the 3rd or 4th time in my life. In july of 99, I was struck by a vehicle that pulled right out in front of me. I was driving to a fourth of july party in my freshly waxed 71 Chevy Nova SS. One the accident happened my foot was in a lot of pain, but I kinda shrugged that off and was wprried about my car. The hospital sent me home
with some medicine for the pain Tylenol w/codeine. No big Deal, I was 24 at the time and never even took pills for a headache nevermind this addictive stuff. So, as the pain continued I went to an Ortho-Surgeun who without care, prescribed my Vicoden, then up to vicodin es. I guess I was probably taking 7-9of those a day.I remember one night wondering why I was so talkiitive and excited about everything, because I always took 1 pill just sleep thru the night, eventually I figured out that it was he medicine and, that night I became an addict. It seems to always come back though, I recently pulled a tendon in my arm at work and they prescribed me vicoden. I know..I know, I should have said something, but I didn't. I took the pills ad used em all and the hunt was on for more. I had a person suplying me with morphine pils, he is now in jail for selling drugs. I don't want to end up like that and i don't think any of you do either. It soes seem like forever, in fact I feel so week and crappy that all I wanted to do is get to the computer and tell my story. Thanks for readig, and believe me, the sooner you stop the better. Last summer I was clean and I never felt better. Now I ave lost wirght, have constant shakes when I try to sleep, nothing I enjoy doing works as my concentration sucks.....Well good luck to us all and God Bless..take care of your body's it's the only thimg you truly own and have power over..bye 4 now
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