Dear God, how much more??

[Needhelp59]

All my dear friends - nothing new to report on my sister,  I am sitting at the nursing home with my grandmother - 98 years old and here just 2 weeks.  Got a call from them that she has slipped into a coma.  I have my wireless with me.  The first thing they ask is does she have a living will?  OF course she does not, so then they ask if I will sign a DNR order.  I KNOW it is the right thing to do, but my heart is bursting.  Here I am, all alone, no support  here at the time.  Guys, I have been honest - I have been clean from xanax for over a year (1/07) but I have to say that if I had access, I would down a handful in a heartbeat right now.  I know the problems would still exist later, but between this, my sister, her kids, I am at the end of my rope.  God help me.   I only wish I could convey what kind of woman this is here.....never drank, never smoked and in all my 47 years, I have never heard her say one hamrful word about anyone.  She has outlived 12 brothers and sister, both children, and has no one except me and my sister, who does not have a clue.  I NEED your prayers more than ever.  I know it is late and most everyone is probably not on right now, but I feel I am at the end of my rope.  I have no tears left to cry.   I know scripture says God will never give us more than we can bear, but I just don't know how much more I can take. Help if you can  as you are all my rocks right now.  I am literally at the end of my rope.  I love this little woman more than words can say and am grateful for every minute I have had with her.  THe memories are flooding back now and I am just so hurt and devastated/ - Not at the inevitable, but at the timiing.  Why cant my sister be here to help share this burden?  Why am I the one that has to protect her kids?  I know this sounds so bitchy but I don't know how else to feel or where else to turn....PRAY FOR ME!

[toxictome]

I'm so sorry...your plate is overflowing....remember....

"If God brigns you to it.....He will get you thru it"

I was w/ my mom when she died..it was so peaceful...hold your grandmas hand and tell her you love her and talk to her..she can prol' still hear you.....

I remember my mom had been in a coma about 12  hrs. She had hospice at home and my 3 sisters and I were with her the last 36 hrs.of her life. We had the head of her hospital bed up about 45* and all of a sudden she put her arm up in the air like she was knocking on a door and said "LET ME IN"...(she had great faith in the Lord and was ready to meet Him)...and God let her enter His kingdom about 4 hrs.. later...it was so cool...

Remember...be proud of yourself that you are clean and sober...and that you are able to be there w/ your Grandma in her last hours....she knows you're there...
Take care, my friend! (((HUGE HUGS))) to you...God Bless!

[bandnmom]

Its true, god only gives you what you can handle. You are a very strong person and are doing the best thing for everyone. Don't forget about yourself along the way though and please don't second guess any of your decisions. They are the best you can do cuz you are using your heart. I know how hard it is sitting were you are right now. I sat at my gramas side for 6 days. Set up her hospice and all. Not because I had no one else to could it but because i felt as though i owed her this much. She was a kind wonderful loving and giving person. I just wanted to make sure that her last days on this earth with me were comfortable ones. She was 89 when she died. The night she died everyone made me go home to get some rest. I missed her last breath but I think she wanted it that way. We were super close and always protected me. Like it said in the other post you both will be in my prayers tonight. Hugs and kisses from me to you. Stay strong. You can and will be able to do this.

[Needhelp59]

chicken and dunplings are my specialty!  Once when my daughter was about 3, she went up for a children's church sermon aruond Thanksgiving.  The minister asked each child about their favorite Thanksgiving food.  My daugher said "chickle and dumplins".  Of course we didn't fix that for Thanksgiving, but that was her favorite food!!    I told my sweet baby Madison before I left home that  everyone loves her so much, and I don't know if you read my other post y et, but sounds like grannie is already commuicating with her.  Praise God for families, for love.  New, I know I don't know you but you are a special person with special gifts.  Don't you every forget that.

[newmanagment]

homemade ice cream, and pies. as well as the best chicken n dumplings i ever ate. not strange to think of these things, but naturall. we find our fondest memories at these times, and we need to hold them. as medic said, the "vehicle" they are riding has carried them thru a wonderfull life, and we have to let the soul move on. i still say , death is hardest on the living. we are the ones that miss them soo much,we are the ones that have to grieve. and soon i will be standing by my gma's side, saying goodbye, and i hope to do it with the love of my memories. she wants to go home, and me and my family have to let her, just as you do. but we will never forget these memories, and many others. when you hold that baby girl (i just went kissed all mine on head) hold her close, let her know that mommies gonna be alright, and that she is loved. give her an extra special kiss from her great grandmother, who cant kiss her anymore. they will both know thru His power we all come back together one day. when i think of your angel, i think of a song called "mockingbird" by emenim, a white "rapper". he wrote the song for his little girl, and one line is  "we know mommies not here right now , and we dont know why, every things gonna be all right, i toldya daddies here to holdya thru the night"
in your case its auntie, but it still sticks inmy mind when i think of your sis. Im goin to say a prayer right now for you, that angel, but mostly for that angels mom, to open her eyes, take those steps, and come back to His glory....

[Needhelp59]

Isnt it strange to thing about these things?  I remember sitting on her kitchen counter eating half cooked boiled potatoes...I remember her making me a specail "huge" biscuit which I think she called a "hocake?"  I watched her cook for years, and see myself fixing pinto beans and throwing in a piece of ham, or green beans cooked with fatback.  Stuffing on the holidays with sausage and sage......So many of my fondest memories....I went thru this with my mom too.  Dad was such a wreck he could not make a decision and my sister ther and would not  It is just so painful.  I know there is a  circle of life, and that this is a normal part of it...I guess I just wish there was a little break in all of the drama.  But, we cannot always have it our way, and just have to use our best judgement, and keep believing.  I will set an extra plate for you tomorrow morning, dear friend. and if I am able to make it to church in the morning I will lift all of you up in prayer.  I don't mean to sound sappy, but right now you guys and prayer are all that is getting me thru.   And then when I look at that baby girl, I know I have to be strong, no matter what obstcables I have to face.  THANK YOU ALL for being there foe me.

[newmanagment]

ok , after that breakfast menu im gonna need directions so i can get a seat at the table!!!
just tryin to cheer you up, which i know is not gonna happen tonight. and you are not doing this alone, we are here , and so is He!! i see my gma laying in her bed, not being able to do much, and it tears me up too. yesterday was her bday, and i couldnt be there because me n kids are sick!! i know she will not make another, so it does hurt. but in my memories, like your gma, she is cooking , and sewing, and of course spoiling me rotten. so hold those memories , and give her a kiss on the forehead for me, then wrap your arms round yourself and squeeze, thas a big hug from me. remember , you are not alone... much love

[confused456]

Always praying for you! Someone as strong and brave! I will pray and may God bring you some peace soon.

[Needhelp59]

I just love this woman so much.  I KNOW I am doing the right thing.  IT is what I would want.   what a long and fruitful life.  The timing just sux but is there ever  a good time to say goodbye to someone so special?   It is so ironic - she was such an awesome cook, and at the risk of sounding conceited I am too.  My sister cannot cook for s---.  I had promised the kids a breakfast tomorrow morning of sausage, country ham, scrambled eggs, hash browns, gravy and biscuits,  That is my mission - to get this meal to them.  In our family, gatherings with good food = love.  I just wish I didn't have to do this along.  By the way Chris, I don't have any pills, and I THINK I can say I wouldn't take them if I did.  I was just venting.  That is the last thing grannie would want.  I will face this as best I can.  I don't know what else to say except I love you all so much.  My grandmosther looks so content, so peaceful, that I guess it is selfish of me to want things to be different.  How many people get to have a parent or grandparent around for almost 100 years?   KEEP PRAYING - my love ot you all.

[confused456]

That made me cry! That is so compassionate and caring. You are awesome!!!

[usarmymedic1]

dear I work at a nurseing home and to see the ones in skilled living bed riden and on life support becouse no one will sign a DNR becouse they want that one more moment with thier loved one it's not right for her its not right for you. if she is ment to live than she will but do you really want to see what happens in a ressesatation atempt it is not pretty and most nursing homes really don't have the equipment so they call an ambulance. honney do what you feel is right take that burdden off your shoulders and sign it. you know it is right and your grandmother would thank you for it. let the vehicle go she lives in your memories already as long has you have them you still have her

sorry you are put in this sittuation sorry for everything that you have had to do you are very strong person and I will keep you in my prayers

chris

one more thing YOU TUCH THOSE PILLS I'LL COME FIND YOU .... smile your loved here and you will over come this opsticales couse you are strong and we are here to help

[newmanagment]

I am praying for you, i have not stopped! let me ask ya this, if it was you would you want the dnr order signed? this is weird, but i am going thru the same thing with my grandmother. my whole family keeps taking her to the hospital, even tho her doc says not too. i have talked to her, and she just wants to be home to die, so she can go Home!! death is hardest on the living, butcha already know that. I finally sat down with my mom and cuz, and asked them why they cant just give her wut she wants. in all her years, all she did was try to give us what we wanted, now its her turn. i think they are finally ready to let her have her way, even tho it is tough. funny how we have some of the same problems, but i guess maybe He meant it to be that way so we can help each other. tell her you love her, tell her you will take care of everyone, and let her go Home! He calls us all at some time, and she , like my grandmother, has LIVED..
i know how hard it is hon, i love my gma with all my heart, spent more time there then i did with my p's.
sad fact is , your sister cant be there, this is all on you. once again, maybe God planned it like this because He knows your sis couldnt handle it. and He also knows the person you are- strong , capable, and loving!! im sooo sorry for you, but it is time to let God do what he will do. much love, and like the last 2 days, many many prayers

[confused456]

I do not know that it helps any, but your feelings right now are the same feelings most human beings would have! Any human would feel the same way. It does not make you sound bitchy at all. It makes you human. My prayers go out to you.

[confused456]

I am soooo sorry. I am still praying and will continue as long as you would like me to. You have endured so much. You need to be strong right now, and I can't even imagine how hard it is. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! Please keep us posted. God Bless.

[Flutterby111]

absolutely u r in my prayers tonight........u r doing the right things!