Depression...WOW

Question

Hi all!!!  Just wondering if this is normal.....  I am getting ready for work and just had this big black cloud of depression overwhelm me!!!   Thoughts about whether or not I even want to be alive!  Not suicidal (I dont think) but just a huge darkness....  YUCK!!!!  I was feeling so good too for the last few days!!!  Is this normal????

Cricketk92 · Answer

You are so right!  Non addicts surely have all of these feelings and just know how to deal with them!!!  Im sure as times goes on I will not get that panicky feeling about my feelings!  I guess they are just so new to me!!!!  And patience!  Thats going to be a hard one for me!  I get pissed when people are late!!!  So I dont have very much of that quality!  Thank you for the reminder or really perhaps the first time I have heard that I need some patience to be successful in this process!!!!  :)

weaver71 · Answer

I see my friends, who have never had an addiction, go through the same thing. They say, "It's just one of those days." So, yes, I think it is normal to have "one of those days," for everyone. Addicts simply are not used to having those days, it takes getting used to. Sometimes we just have to feel it, now that drugs don't instantly change things for us. Patience in detox and early recovery is a tool you will use the rest of your life, so take your time and really learn about patience now. It's not easy nor fun, but it is a critical part of the process that will help you for the rest of your days.

ScarrieAnne · Answer

I know, I get impatient as well. It needs to be hard, in my opinion. When I jumped I knew it would be months of not feeling well or like myself, but if its too easy, what have we learned? Im glad you are doing therapy! Let us know how it goes. I really like mine, but Im wondering when we will get into the hard stuff, so keep it in your control what you need to talk about. 
XOXO. Carrie

Cricketk92 · Answer

I like that!!!  Im healing!!!  Thanks Carrie!!!!  I just wish it would hurry up!!!!  :)  I know its gonna take time though....Im still nauseous every morning when I wake up....it passes but its awful and cant wait till that goes away!!!!  Its so hard to have to relearn things!  Im starting therapy next week and am hoping that helps a lot with the thinking part of it!!!  Im actually looking forward to it!!!  Well back to work for me....such a slacker!!!  Have a great day!!!!

ScarrieAnne · Answer

Hello! I meant to reply yesterday, but ran out of time. I go through the same moods, still, and you can get yourself through it, remember it will pass. The biggest part of recovery to me is dealing with these new feelings and moods and learning how to cope without a chemical crutch. We have to relearn how to think and feel. Its a highly emotional time, at least for me! I cry at movies I never would've cried at before. I can be depressed in the morning, feeling manic at lunch and be A-Ok in the evening, and its normal, you are healing. I read something yesterday that inspired me to change my thinking, and it was instead of calling it withdrawal and being stuck in that, call it healing, it changed my perspective! Hang in there, youre doing great! XOXO Carrie

Cricketk92 · Answer

I think I will try that!  It is always nice to do something good for someone with no expectations!  I work all day helping people but my expectation is a paycheck from that so I guess its not the same!  Darn brain!!!!  :)  I feel much better today though so I just have to keep remembering that it will pass when it happens!  Thanks for your advice and encouragement!!!

Leaveurfearsbehind · Answer

It's really scary how your mind can play tricks on you but if you think about it the drugs we took would have no effect on us without the brain. So there is a positive. We can also use our mind to defeat this awful addiction. Staying mentally string and positive helped me the most. There's nothing wrong with having fun but if you wanna feel better try helping someone without expecting anything in return. Just try it once and see how you feel. Pay for someone's lunch when you go thru the drive thru or just help someone in need. It really lifted my spirit out of some serious depression.

Cricketk92 · Answer

Thanks for all your comments!  I turned 55 yesterday so I feel pretty OLD!!!  All these friggin aches and pains....cant wait to see how many Im left with after this detox is over!!!  :)  I do feel better now thankfully!  No matter how much I say I hate going to work every morning it is a blessing as it keeps me busy and gives me a paycheck!!!!  :)  I do need to start finding fun things to do.....Im going to have to think on that one!!!  Im so glad you didnt use your gun Leaveurfearsbehind!!!!!  Our minds are tricky buggers arent they!!!!
Thank you all for your support!!!!

Leaveurfearsbehind · Answer

I had the same thing happen to me on the first or second day of detox. I woke up early and like you said I had this dark cloud of doom lurking over me. It got so bad that thoughts of walking to the closet and getting my gun ran thru my head. I was finally able to talk myself thru it and things got better as the day went on. I was in total disbelief that I would even think something like that. I have never even thought about doing something like that and it has never happened again. I guess our brains will do anything to get us to use? I just kept telling myself this will pass. Stay strong my friend and remember this is all temporary.

NeverAgain127 · Answer

Cricket:  OMG, you are totally normal!  I am 80 days clean today and last night I was sobbing on the phone to my PCP and telling him he HAD to get me an anti-depressant.

I'm older, used longer, so my brain is still not healed...I can feel that its' not back to normal yet. 

That being said, there are things you can do to make your brain produce endorphins (which is short for "endogenous morphine".)   Exercise is a biggie.   So is ANYTHING that produce pleasure...sex, good food, funny movies, laughing, etc.

Keep going honey; you're doing great!

Hugs,
-Robin

Cricketk92 · Answer

Thanks Gnarly! I cant wait for those endorphins to come back!!!!  :)  I do agree that everyday clean is a miracle!  I looked at the NA schedule and there are lots of meetings at night but on weekends there are some during the day so I will definitley go to those!  Thanks for your support!!!

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hi  cricket good to see you post great to see you post clean   your relatively new to recovery and it is quit normal to go threw depression your brain has not produced natural endorphins yet   give it time ...each day we dont use is a mirical and ever day we wake up  we all have to make the same dasion...''am I going to use or stay clean'' as for the meetings I highly recamend N/A to everybody  in most camuntys there is meeting all threw the day go to one and pick up a meeting list  tryto put as much into your recovery as you did wile out using this is a treatable disease and recover is possible keep posting for support...Gnarly

Cricketk92 · Answer

Thank you for that!  At least I know Im not crazy!!!  And Ill prepare myself for it to happen again!!!  So glad you didnt use yesterday!!!!  :)

kellygirll · Answer

yes its normal i had a feeling like that sunday and monday maybe not as bad as you describe but bad enough that i came REAL  close to using so yes its normal and beware of it be real aware

Cricketk92 · Answer

Thank you so much!  It has kind of passed now that I am out of the house and at work....Whew!!!  Was not a fun time!!!!  :)  I am waiting to hear back from the place I called for aftercare.  Was supposed to have an appt yesterday but they had to cancel it.  Hopefully will hear from them today!  Im going to try to get to some meetings too!  My work schedule is so weird that it will be hard to get to meetings at night but I can for sure go on the weekends!  I work from 4am-1230pm and am in bed around 530pm so I get enough sleep!  Weird schedule I know!!!  Well Ill just keep plugging along!!!!  :)

jifmoc · Answer

Oh man is that normal!!! You are still detoxing, even past 30 days. Remember, your brain is trying to adjust to lack of numbness. So, the manic feeling and then profound sadness, yup, that's detox. Our brains take a looong time to "normalize." Aftercare really really helps!