Desperate and ashamed

[ChillyDanger]

Been taking Percocet for years. Started out with a couple here and there for fun. 10 years later they are ruining my life. They do not make me happy. I was a functioning addict for 9 years but now I am starting to mess up. My job and my family and wife are suffering because of me. I want off so bad brut I am so scared of the withdrawal symptoms and the embarrassment of telling everyone. My wife know and my dad and sister but that's it. Everyone else just thinks I'm depressed and sick. I went two days without and the feelin was unbearable. I guess I'm a wimp but I felt terrible. Shakes. Nausea. No appetite. Grouchy. Crying and the taste in my mouth is awful. I went back. I take 50 perks a day. I am so ashamed of myself. I am letting everyone down. I feel so alone and scared. These drugs rule my life. All I do is worry about when they are coming next. I put them in front of everything else. Family friends work my health. They are always on my mind. I never sleep. I have sat outside of the detox centre crying but can't go in. I have not lost everything yet but feel it is going start soon. Not sure why I am posting this but I am anyway. Not asking for help from you strangers but felt like writing it down might help. Thanks for listening

[ChillyDanger]

Thank you

[ChillyDanger]

I'll write more later. Words are not coming right now. This feels good.  I am so lonely. Surrounded by loves one and completely alone...does that make any sense. I do not tell my wife and sister everything. When it try to my pride gets in the way

[ChillyDanger]

Goodnight

[ChillyDanger]

Friday is my birthday. Gonna go to the rehab centre and see if they have an out patient program first thing Friday

[ChillyDanger]

Thanks Robyn. I go through 7 pairs a day

[NeverAgain127]

Hey buddy how are you doing?  You haven't posted in 17 hours, and want you to know there is always support here.  

I have no idea what your socks comment meant...oh well!

Hugs,
-Robin