Detoxing from Oxycontin

[OxyDout]

Hello Everyone,

Today is my first "real" day of detoxing, I refuse to give up this time, I'm much stronger mentally now then I ever have been before.  I have been taking about 80-120 mg of oxycontin a day for the last year or so.  Today, I took 20 mg, 10 at a time.  I don't plan on taking any more today, and I will continue to do this for the next 2 or 3 days in hope that it will help me through this, what do yo uthink?  Does anyone have any advice.  You can also just write to give me support, I NEED IT.  Thank you all so much for all that you have done, this forum is my best friend right now.  Thanks again,

GWH

[susanlea]

Back this past March I also gave my ex an ultimatum. Either go back into detox and a program or leave.  He said FU about 20 times got up and walked out.  That was it.  No talks no explanations no more promises.  It had gotten to a point where he became emotionally abusive to my children and myself.  All he did was sleep, stay in a room by himself, not even have dinner with us.  I know he stole from me, and lied to me.  He hurt us very badly.  This is a man I had truly loved.  It wasn't the addiction I couldn't handle.  It was the lies, deceit, emotional and physical withdrawal from us.  He just wasnt' on the same planet anymore.  He is 39 with 4 kids, lives with mom and dad, looks like what society says a junkie looks like.  He has grayed, lost alot of hair, long long hair now.  His skin is very bad and yellowish gray.  He is bloated, and he has dead eyes, they just don't look alive anymore.  He just exists in space.  I couldn't tell you what he does I don't know.  I dont' believe he has changed much since he left.  I am sure he is still sleeping, abusing, just sitting there vegging.  The only excitement he has is dancing with the dragon. Please do not let this happen to you and the one you love.  So much resentment builds up and if you don't talk about it and be honest about it.  You may end up with nothing.  Like I said.  It wasn't the addiction that drove us to the end, but the rest of the **** that he dished out.  Honesty we can handle.....god bless you.....love  Susan lea

[littleguy]

lea,

First please keep in mind that this is just what has been true for me.  I think about it all the time.  Where I will get it, how I will pay for it etc.  When I have gotten caught by my girlfriend, I minimized my use and lied.  And I can make up some crazy stories.  It has turned me into someone I don't want to be and furthermore someone my girlfriend no longer knows.  There was a time when there was nothing that I wouldn't do to keep her in my life, and then she said it was her or the drugs.  I love her as much today as I ever did (13 years together), but even knowing the potential consequences is not enough to keep me away from the drugs.  I'm obsessed.....

littleguy

[susanlea]

J.B.  You are so right about the manipulation and lies, I've heard enough to last a lifetime.  By the way, it's Saturday nite, he never called nor came by.  But....I really didn't expect him to.  He's been saying this sort of stuff over the last 9 months.  Since he left, he came by around 7 times, but stopped in July, no phone calls, nothing.  He started calling around Thanksgiving, and has been pretty consistent about every day or two.  Never leaves a message, but tries until I answer. Then he says nothing, just wants to pick up this or that, but never does.  I don't understand what he is doing, it is confusing me.  But I will try and remain strong. Thank you J.B.

Little Guy   Please tell me more.  What other things about an addict should I watch or listen for?  I lived with him for over 2 years that I knew he was abusing.  I am sure there were other drugs, or other lies I didn't know about in the 6 years I was with him.  I need all the information I can get.

Butterbean   I emailed Cin with the link to the other forum. Let me know.  I am rooting for you.  

To everyone   It is the season for giving, but also the season for forgiving, yourselves.  This place is a big step towards recovery, reaching out.  Love all you    Susan Lea

[Telby]

Hey it is good to hear from you.  I am struggling and sitting here crying as i have been all night.  I am determined to get well and stay well - one of these times I am going to make it Butterbean I swear. This is the fight of my life and I am in much preperation spiritually and physically to go all the way.  You are such a sweetheart and I love you - your kindness and support has been incredibly helpful to me.  Don't go away as I need my Butterbean.  By the way, you should feel so good about yourself, look how far you have come?  You and GWH and everyone is in my heart, this day has been tough but I love seeing familier names as the day comes to an end.  I saw from WW you were trying to get on the other forum, keep trying as your old and new friends are spending a lot of time over there.  I jump back and forth as I depend on both and feel part of both. Stay in touch, love Telby

[butterbean]

Telby, your words of kindness are great.  I was wondering how you were and I read all the  posts you posted yesterday.  I hope you are doing well. I am doing well, and am taking my meds as perscribed.  I know I need them for the pain as it very bad at times, so I scared myself enough to know Ihad to do it right.  Telby, as I said in a posting yesterday to someone, I think we are the strong ones, because we come here and post to each other and admit our addictions.  It is showing that we want to be better, and we are all kind people, because we are here for each other and only offer support, love and caring.  Good luck Telby and be good to yourself.
Love Butterbean

[littleguy]

Ditton on JB's obsessing comments, for this addict anyway.

littleguy