Did my Fiance use yesterday

[concernedfiance]

I am getting married in a week and I had just found out about my fiances addiction 2 weeks ago. He has been snorting Oxys for 9 months he says. He was not perscribed them, he was buying them & selling them on the streets. he would only go about 2-3 weeks between using (he says).


My fiance has been clean for about 2 weeks now since being caught and it's been hell. Because we are getting married in a week I had to decide wether or not to go through with it knowing that this is something i'm going to have to deal with probably for the rest of my life.

I have been all over the map these last weeks watching him detox...man he's nasty mean when he does that, then watching him be ok - or at least what i percieve as ok.

Then yesterday he comes home from work, late and is happy, not overly happy, but happy and he starts taking up issue with me looking at him...I look at him in the eye to see what his pupils are like because I read that if he as using they would be pinholes. Anyway so I went outside to his car (that's where he would do this after work) and I find a broken letter opener (he used the blade to shave the pills) that I thought I had cleaned out of there 2 weeks ago. So I go back into the house and I thought ok I'll talk with him about this in a bit, but he started on me..."whats going on in your head, why are you giving me weird looks". So then he says he's going outside because I'm stressing him out...So I say "yeah cause I'm ruing your buzz". We argued.

Then he goes and has a drink (whisky & coke) seems ok outside talking to the neighbor then comes back in and takes the hottest bath known to man. When I went in to talk with him he's telling me that he's clean and that I need to leave him alone because I'm making him mad. Then he gets outta the bath after I leave and seems fine. But then he comes to bed and can't sleep so he goes downstairs and crashes on the couch eventually.

So my question is....did he use yesterday? Is this typical oxy behavior?

[newgirl2708]

As I read this I'm thinking of all the cliche's:

Once a cheater always a cheater (it doesn't have to be infidelity either)

He's not going to change

You get what you paid for
and so on..

When I got married, I kinda knew...teeeny tiny small voice in the back of my head...whispering...don't do it...ever so softly..but I shoved it down way down. Everyone had done so much for the wedding and so much money had been spent...I couldn't pull out..toooo much had been done. Then, about 5 days after the wedding, I remember distinctly, I shouldn't have done this. However, I had made a commitment and stood by it. It was miserable. But I endured. Made the best of it. 16 years later we are divorced. Suffered for nothing. I wish I could shake that 24 year old girl and tell her to be more responsible and tell her she knows what she's talking about. That she should be commended on making a mature decision by not getting married. Worse yet having her childeren's heartbreak by bitter divorce. If your worried about what other people will say or think (i did) maybe explain the scenerio.
Take people's advice or not, there are solid statistics out there that will prove you will surely be facing this your entire life if you stay.
Since this just "showed up" two weeks ago. That sort of null and voids the plan doesn't it? Your key to get out? Your free pass...so to speak.
I understand, easier said than done, I understand. I do.
Good Luck in whatever you choose.
Newgirl,
PS
One thing I like to tell people, when the answer is obvious to the rest of us, is, go back and re-read your post. Remove the names and pretend you didn't write it, what would you tell this girl? What advice would you give?

[Lily700]

Hi Honey, make a good choice.  My daughter married an addict.  She knew he was addicted, but he had just gone to rehab and was so sure of himself.  They had a beautiful daughter who I am now raising (long story).  Anyway, he relapsed about a week before the wedding, but swore he never would again.  She believed him, they got married, and one month later, he was out using again.  She tried to hide it, but he started not working and stealing money from her for his drugs.  They lost their apartment, she lost her job trying to shuffle the baby back and forth, chase him down, etc.  It was a mess, he ended up in jail for 2 years after hitting her several times.  She ended up in a mental health facility for 5 months trying to deal with everything.  It isn't worth it.  Wait until he stops using and stays clean for a long time before you marry him.  He has already deceived you for 9 months.  My husband, my daughter's father, begged her in the LIMO before the wedding to drive away from the wedding, but she would not do it.  The wedding was beautiful, so beautiful, but what happened after the wedding to the marriage was controlled by his active addiction.  It is a sad life and it almost destroyed my daughter and left scars on my grandbaby that I am still trying to help her heal.  Please wait.  You have your whole life ahead of you but it is only one life, and your son and you deserve better.  God Bless you.  Lily  

[scaredmom330]

hun, you can't make someone addicted quit unless they want to, no matter what you do...cry, threaten,,offer them anything. It has to be their choice, not yours.. so you have some serious decisions to make, do you want to stay in this relationship? or get out while you can? only you know the answers but believe me, the only thing you can do for him at this time, if you chose to is be supportive, don't contribute to his addiction, and love him. I have a son who is addicted and in the same boat as you. I would give my life if he would stop but it has to be his choice not mine. remember you are a victim of his addiction... hope this helped. pm me if you want to talk...

Karen

[james2069]

oxy withdrawl last 3 to 4 days I quit methadone of 60 mg constantly it lasted two weeks of hell. just quit he will be fine.

[wannabefree330]

Bottom line here really is what are you prepared to do if he DID use yesterday?  You are allowing this behavior to continue and there's no reason why he should stop.  No consequences.  True you are having arguments, and tense moments but all he has to do it go get high to get rid of that.  You are the one left to deal with the emotional baggage.  You need to set some limits and stick to them.  Not only for him, but for you.  You're headed down a road of questions and lack of trust and that's rocky ground for a marriage.  Even if you get a drug test and it's positive, what are you going to do?  You can't make him stop using, but you can change the way you react to whats going on.  

[Vinnieanew]

If you cannot postpone the wedding then mayve consider this.  Sit down and have a serious conversation with him.  Come to an agreement that he admits he is an addict.  That you will support him the whole way through.  Make it clear that due to the wedding, as messed up as it is, cont. let him use till AFTER the wedding or honeymoon....if that can be postponed the better.  Make it clear what you're doing AND day 1 you're back home, he has to stop.  First slip up, it's really up to you, or let him know that it has to end or you will turn around and file a divorce.  Just think right now, all the stress of the wedding coming etc....and it not able to postpone.....maybe a bad time to decide to have him quit since time is a addicts best friend.