Do you have addiction whipped?

[GA Guy]

I see a lot of people coming on in the last month or so talking about having 90-180 days clean and sounding like they have this addiction whipped. The reason it bothers me is that I was that person when I got here almost 3 years ago. I got 30 days clean (through white knuckling it) and began giving advice to everyone that would listen as to how I had this "whipped". Some great people here like beachtowel and Fladdict (old times will remember these names with fondness and sadness) begged me to get aftercare, but I had it whipped...because, I could hold onto my secrets and do this all on my own. It's only through this time when I'm coming up on a year next week that I've finally realized that this disease takes every day attention. I've had mentally tough days the last few weeks that were every bit as bad as the first 30 days. The difference is that now I have support and tools to get through them and keep my disease quiet. I honestly have to work my first step every single morning..because if I don't admit that this disease is more powerful than myself, then it WILL talk me back into using. We will never loose the feeling of that first high. This disease tells me every day that by NOT using I am committing suicide. Things do get better..but only with aftercare. These people on this forum with significant clean time are talking about aftercare because we care and want you not to make the mistakes we have. I'd love to hear from those who have an aftercare program..and, tell what it took to get you to that point. Also, I'd LOVE to hear some people with a little bit of clean time who are trying to do this secretively and without aftercare pledge to do so very soon. Please, listen to the veterans on the forum..learn from our mistakes.

[avisg]

It does take so much .I did the white knuckling for 6 months and I crashed and burned .I figured out maybe people new what they were talking about so I got recovery care I have really learned how important it is .Staying clean is alot harder then i ever thought it would be but it can be done .I wish I had listened the first time .

[dominosarah]

If i thought for one moment that i had my addiction whipped i would be on my way to relapsing.  I am just a few days from 2 yrs clean and i have to work my program every single day.  I always have to keep my guard up, work my program and reach out to my support system when i struggle.  Aftercare has taught me so much.  The 12 steps are there for our taking but we have to put in the work.  I stumbled thru life for 30 plus years using as noone was going to tell me what to do.  When i finally surrendered i found life again, one that i could actually walk thru clean.......My using was only a symptom of what was really going on.  The war i had going on inside of me had been buried for so many years and it was killing me.  Little by little i work on facing those demons.  The pain has been great and overwhelming at times but it is nothing like the pain i felt using.  We all hold the key that unlocks the chains that bind us.  I am and always will be a work in progress..........sara

[beatingthis]

If you are a addict you will never have it whipped.
As sara would say we are just 1 pill away from relapse.


Terry

[avisg]

great posts

[cleanmom]

Never gonna happen. I am learning to except it as a life long commitment just to keep my addiction in remission. And if i can do that, than i feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

For me this means two NA groups a week, therapy once a week and Addiction Recovery Group at my church once a week along with meditation, exercise and positive thinking every day!

Yep, for me, this has been and i'm sure will continue to be a very humbling experience!

Best wishes to you all,
Jacky

[cleanmom]

By the way, great post Ga Guy! Really gave me something to think about. Something we should all think about!!

Thanks!!

[Bad_Obsession]

Very good post.

[beck25752003]

just first wanted to say great post!!!  I dont have internet at home right now so I dont get to come to this site very much but I love it. YES aftercare is so major in my life and the only way I am gonna save my life. The last two years I tried getting clean  thinking I can just stop taking drugs and my life would go back to normal (whatever I thought that was) to come to find myself relasping on and off for the whole 2 years. I put myself into treatment and now go to a meeting everyday at least but usually 2 or 3 a day. I need meetings, support, my sponsor etc to help me gain the life I want and deserve. I know today I have a mental and physcial disease with drugs that I will fight for the rest of my life so I can have a great life. AFTERCARE AFTERCARE AFTERCARE!!! is the way to go GA GUY great post and all the others that replied.

[dominosarah]

Thanks GaGuy for posting this thread today.  Your support on the forum doesnt go unnoticed~~~~sara

[10356]

I will never have addiction whipped.. lesa

[guv338]

In Dec. '08 my doctor at the time told me I would have a few, maybe 3-4, days of withdrawal after stopping years of Oxy use/abuse.  He did not tell me that today, after 453 days without the drug, that my days would still be splattered with issues that are directly related to the ill-effects that it has on my body and mind.  I did the white knuckle deal from Jan until Aug '09.  I then started going to NA.  Aftercare is a must for continued, longterm recovery.  Sure, we can all tough it out for a few months or maybe even a few years, but in order to achieve the ultimate prize of a lifetime of continued sobriety, aftercare is a must.  

Get yer asss in there and make it work for you.     guv

[dominosarah]

Congrats on that clean time!!!   So happy you got your a$$ in there!!!         sara

[guv338]

Thanks Sara.  And Congrats to you as well, Two years, wow, thats a long time without dope.  Keep it going.  guv

[Jebs317]

I know that I won't make it without getting aftercare.  I didn't listen the first two times.  I now believe that for me to continue to stay away from pills, I will have to find aftercare.  I have an appointment Friday with an Addiction Counselor and an appointment next Tuesday at a Rehab. Center for an evaluation.  From there I hope to have one on one sessions with an Addiction Therapist and find a group also.  I know myself and I need to follow through or I will be right back where I started.  I feel a little different this time because I have had my doctors notified and pharmacy was told "no more" as well.  I also stopped seeing my best friend and boyfriend........they both take pills.  I have to put my heart and soul into this or I will fail.  
I want to be the mom that my son can be proud of.

[vicki595]

I do not have addiction whipped. But,GaGuy,I have to tell you, your post is serendipitous!!   I just got home from a visit with my PCP. I had not told her of my addiction issues or that I tapered on my own. I went today to tell her and ask for help because I was beginning to flounder on my own with hit and miss meetings etc...I wanted a plan for recovery and to 'fess up and lay the cards on the table.  She shook her head very sadly and said "Vicki,I am responsible for so much of this. I am your doctor."  Okay..we agreed to share although I wanted all the blame.   So,I now have a therapist,who is lovely and kind. We will meet next week for a formal evaluation.  There is a professional group that I can join immediately. And,most importantly,my nursing license will not be compromised by any of this. That was MY big fear. I guarded THAT
with my life.     I am so profusely relieved, I can't begin to tell you without sounding horribly corny.    But,I thank YOU and the forum for this. I only drove the car.

With love~
Vicki

[dominosarah]

You need to guard your clean time with your life first and foremost....without that you end up with nothing.....

[vicki595]

Yes Sara...I know that now.  My priorities were skewed.  I took a huge risk today but I had decided that being clean was worth it.  What good is a nurse if she's dead?
I chose to live today.

[bella76612]

Today is my first day on here and  I am very pleased to see and hear all you guys have said. I have been clean going on 18 mths and when I say I struggle this addiction everyday. I mean it!!! You have to have aftercare and meetings and a suport group!! I don't know how anyone can say they don't!! They are only fooling themselves.  I am very proud to say I am a recovering addict. I do not hide it from anyone. I am very proud of all of you and hope to get to chat with you. During my addiction I lost everything I had and just now starting to gain a lil back. I do not regret the journey itself b/c it taught me alot about who I am and what I was! I do regret all those I hurt and all I lost. I hope to chat with you all soon and keep up the great work.

[avisg]

What good is anyone if there dead ...It is life and death for an addict .you have a very understanding doctor not very often does a doctor taken responsibility for ones  addiction.

[vicki595]

Avis ~that's not what I said.  Geez!!

[cleanmom]

Vicki, i just read your response on here about your visit with your doctor. This is great news!! This is what will help you make it forever this time. Your newfound openness with your doctor about your addiction and even a therapist! You are now armed and ready to take this on long term and i know for sure you will make it! Like i said last night, my faith in you is not shaken. I would also like to tell you that my therapist has been my greatest asset in my recovery. I can't imagine doing this forever without her. She has given me so many tools and skills that i did not have before. This will be wonderful for you!!

Luv, Jacky

[vicki595]

Thanks Jacky~  It was a good day  :)     I just feel so dumb for not going immediately to her. But, on the road now!!

V.xo

[cleanmom]

That is all that is important now Vicki, just keep your eyes straight ahead on that road and don't look back!! :)

Jackyxo

[CATUF]

I've got it whipped -- for today, anyway.

I've been granted a daily reprieve based upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

All I need to do is get another one tomorrow, and I'll be set . . . for tomorrow, anyway.

CATUF
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