I have been doing opiates for 4 years now, no Ron or needles but my nose has been busy. Started the way most of us did - just having fun with friends I trusted and took a risky habit way too far. Got clean for 3 months last year w/o rehab was spending time with my non-addict friends, have supportive parents and everything was okay (still alone with a deadend job and living with parents at 27 but that's another problem for another forum). Relapsed in a moment of incredible stupidity by thinking I was fine to do one perc and not end up re-addicted. Haha i was wrong. Take sub most of the time at this point but I get percs whenever I have "extra money,"...I guess in the grand scheme of things I'm not that bad, taking at most 150mg/day but man, percs are all I look forward to anymore. Lost a lotta friends along the way etc. I tell people that my real problem is depression from my lackluster underachieving life, but is addiction still running my life and keeping me stuck in shame and misery? I think so. I'm not high right now, on sub, but I'm planning on spending this $150 I have here on thirties for New Years, and it's gonna be tough to make it till then!
Anyway I have spent a lotta time reading peoples stories on these forums for years, I just wanna join the community if there is one, share my experience and encourage people to get clean. Im starting to suspect i may need rehab, even though my stepdad who hates drugs would freak out and I'd get fired from my deadend but immediately lucrative job. It's a tough step to take. Honestly I'm just afraid of a world in which I can't get high. There's always the chronic (always) but its never the instant and guaranteed release from my pain (emotional mostly) that the bad things are. At some point I gotta be a man and step up but when?
Getting prescribed subs only helped me to buy/trade for more percs. I know people who have been on subs for years who sing songs about how awesome sub is, but I don't think it works for everyone. At the end of the day you still need something multiple times a day to feel even remotely functional, and you're still damaging your body and brain with prolonged opiate addiction. I for one can hardly find a way to just take subs and never cheat. Subs aren't the answer unless its for a short time and you accompany it with a total change in lifestyle - no more drug friends, no more drug places, and no more drugs! Subs are great to get off the hard stuff and then go cold turkey, but they are not a way to live IMO. If there is no way you can isolate yourself from stress and temptation, you need to go to rehab. Last time I got clean I did it on my own at my house, with two weeks off work. But I also took Xanax on work nights and got drunk all the other nights. This was replacement therapy and it's obviously not conducive to staying clean. I was still dependent on getting effed up to work a long night or go socialize, and it was only natural to still yearn for my favorite high. The answer is something I've never tried, which is a sober lifestyle, something that im afraid we might all need rehab to learn.