Does it really get Better?? God I hope so!!

[oxyproblem]

I am reading all these posts about clarity, and how we see things so differently over time once we are clean and start coming out of the wd's..some are talking about a week and seeing differences...is that usually the way? Do things get much brighter and prettier and noticable in life? Cuz this hell I am dealing with wouldnt be possible I dont think if I didnt know there was some reward after...I dont even know what person I was anymore, ten years of being high on pills is a long time..I dont remember who I used to be or what I was even like b4 the pills..hopefully I will become a person I can be proud of instead of hiding from life like it seems I have been...just rambling maybe hoping that there really is light at the end of the tunnel...someone today wrote to jump off CT, that instead of draggin out a taper if you go CT you know in this many days you will feel better instead of suffereing for weeks? Is it better to go CT? Oxy wd's are terrible with taking the high level I was...at least I think so, is sounds high to me, maybe not too some..280-300mg of oxy a day.. I think I am just scared of who I will become since I cant remember who I was b4 this!!  And hopefully life is a nice to see without the haze, or it will be pretty hard to  beat this if there is no reward in the end.. might sound selfish but some good has to be at the end of this horrible hell of a journey I am on...for its hard, All I have is you guys..my hubby knows I had abit of a pills issue and like taking them, but he doesnt realize how much I actually was taking, nobody around me does...and he is the only one that knows there could of even been an issue, absolutely nobody else in my family does..should they? Will it mean I wont succeed if I dont tell them? God I think maybe i am just panicking..prob part of these dam WD's too....dont know since this is the first time I have ever ADDMITTED AND REALIZED I HAD A PROBLEM, and is the first time I have ever tried too actually quit!  Hoping for the best...any words, thoughts or advice is appreciated...feel like I am spinning in circles but not getting to where I wanna be lol.....

[ZJILLIAN]

The main thing I hear in your post is panic and fear. Also your mind is racing due to your fast drop in oxy dose. SO....try to say to yourself: my mind is sick right now. Pay no attention to those thoughts. Keep things very simple and focus on what you are doing today. Don't look into the future. Write your taper schedule down on paper so you can see your progress.

To taper or not is really a personal decision. It is a pull the band aide off slowly or all at once type of thing. I have done both. The tapering will help the intensity of the wd but it just builds the fear about wd.

The fear of wd is your drug talking. You can do this! You have a group of people here to support you so stay in close contact. Post, read posts all day, send messages and notes. Work the site. Read the Health Pages at the top right hand corner. Look up the Thomas Recipe on the Health Pages.

SLOW DOWN. BREATH. 5 days to drop so fast is almost like cold turkey that is why you are feeling so bad. You could even stay at this level for a couple of weeks and then go cold turkey if you felt you had the discipline. People design their own taper with oxy.

You are doing great. AND OF COURSE IT GETS BETTER. Everything gets better unless you do something to make it worse.

Also, your husband doesn't matter at all in this. It is your own fight and non-addicts cannot understand.

[desperatetostop]

he knows that I want to stop and admires my courage for telling him and for making the decision...however, he...being a non addict...does not understand the after affects/effects of stopping a drug.

[OIFMc09]

As far as the tapering or c/t goes, that is up to you everyone is different.  If you have the discipline to taper and you feel like it's working for you then go for it.  

[OIFMc09]

funny post desperate :) I don't see how him not knowing the extent of it is relevant?  You need to explain to him that even if you had been taking the prescribed amount you would still be going through withdrawal.  The important thing here is that you want to stop, and it doesn't make a difference if you want to stop after you'd been taking 30 mg a day or 300.

[desperatetostop]

it is a lonely road...but you have us, and we have you.

this board/site has helped me tremendously as my partner doesn't understand the extent of my addiction...no matter how hard I try to explain that to him...he tells me to "just not think about it"...hahaha...non addicts are so cute. NOT.

Hang in there...

[oxyproblem]

I am tapering at the moment but wondering if I should go CT, I often think whether this is just prologning the agony... I have gone from about 300mg of oxy a day to 90mg yesterday in five days..so I am feeling it, feel free to take a look at my journal and tracker on my profile, I will  take any advice you have to give, my husband knows but doesnt know, he knows i was over using alittle but not to the extent I was..... Its a lonely road for sure, I am finding that out now!

[OIFMc09]

Are you already detoxing or are you just planning on doing it?  Your husband knows about your pill use right?  Have you prepared him for what you're about to do, because he is definitely going to be involved whether he likes it or not.  If you can keep your contact with the rest of your family and friends to a minimum for the next few days there is no reason why they should know unless you want them to.  Yes, you do experience a sort of "renaissance of the senses" when your brain begins to heal itself.  There was this one day in particular...like my 5th day clean and my 1st day that I really had to spend in public and I remember everything being in like this ultra-vivid mode where my senses seemed heightened and the fog of being doped up for so long had finally lifted.