Don't know how to get out of this mess

[dempseysgirl]

Hi guys, I have been reding these posts for some time and I like the support people get here.. I am 33 years old, have two jobs and I am also working on my bachelors degree. I have lot on my plate, but I have always been that way and I like challenge. I have money, great house, love of a amazing boyfriend of 6 years who wants to marry me and I am dying inside.. I hate myself for putting my beautiful relationship and love of my life before these stupid pills. I was a heroin addict when I was 17. I was just a kid and dealers with that stuff exploded in my small home town.. lot of kids have died.. but I didn't and because of my great support system I went to rehab for 2 months, I left town.. and I never went back to that stuff again.. This was back in Europe.. back home.. Fast forward 20 years and I am living my American dream, I have everything I want.. and I get hooked on oxys.. I cannot believe that it has happened to me again.. I have always "joked around" with few lines of coke or crystal.. but for years, I always did just few and than stopped for a year or two.. I always had control.. Three months ago girl at my work offered some norco and I went for it.. "Damn I work so hard, I deserve little release, right?" "I always know how to stop with everything.. so why not?" Before you know it, I started to buy oxy from her and now I am addicted..  I cannot believe how stupid I was thinking that I will not get hooked. My future mother in law visited after I was taking pills about a month and we went for a trip.. I just took some sleeping pills with me and I got over the withdrawalls so easy.. I felt bad pretty much only on day 3, when I ran out of sl. pills and stared at the ceiling all night with restless leg sindrome.. What do you think.. as soon as I got back, I started again.. thinking.. oh well, it will be just as easy next time.. It's NOT.. I am hooked much more and worse, I cannot go through withrawalls because my boyfriend will NOT understand and he will never believe me again. I cannot tell him. He knows about  my problem when I was 17 and it will scare him to death that I started again. He will never believe me again.. our relationship is based on trust.. I cannot brake that trust.. I know you guys are going to tell me to tell him, but that's NOT an option. I bought some Kratom capsules and tramadol and I want to tapper down.. Do any of you have an experience with Kratom? Can you really tapper down by taking just Kratom?

[dempseysgirl]

Hi Sharon,

Thanks for your advise reg. Kratom. I will be careful with it.. I think that it may be best for me to just try to taper with oxy to Norco and than from Norco down to nothing. I have to confes something though.. I went camping this weekend and everything was fine.. I followed my taper schedule.. Half in the am and half before bed.. On Saturday, my dog got bit by a big dog at the camp.. My fiance did not want to drive back home for stitches and instead said that he'll use a super glue, which was used in Vietnam war for wounds.. I was very upset, because the wound was big and deep and I wanted to go home. Than - I relapsed.. meaning.. I took a whole oxy at once to get high.. not to just "not feel sick".. I am really dissappointed at myself.. I can see that this is not going to be as easy as I thought. But I am back on track today and determined to taper down.. I took my doggie to the emergency room today, they cut the glue out and cleaned the whole thing and gave her stitches.. she is a "happy camper" again.. and I am too! Tomorrow is a new day,and I'll continue my strougle.. which is going to be lot harder than I thought.. :-(  

[Sharon0255]

I got hooked on Kratrom and it was one of the wort wd I ever had and it lasts for weeks. I had to go to my dr to get vics to taper off Kratrom be very careful with it. If you only use it for a few days you will be ok I got hooked on it for months he'll coming off I ended up using Neurontin and then another withdrawal. I'm at square one again today is day one Thomas recipe off oxycodone. My heart and prayers are with you. I am brand new.

[dempseysgirl]

Hi guys,

I watned to give you an update on my early progress :-). Since I have never tried to really get clean, I had no idea what my tollerance/usage was. I mean, I was taking about one and a half 30mg oxy a day, but sometimes more.. I needed to figure out how little I need in ordrer to not get sick first.. Last night, I took a half of 30mg oxy and went to work at around 7 pm. I got back from work around 2am and I woke up at around 7 am with withdrawall symptoms. I lasted till almost 10am and took another half. Now it's almost 7 pm and I am feeling OK except sweating, caughing, and snifling.. I plan to hold off till at least 10 pm or midnight, if possible, before taking another half.. Tomorrow, I think I will have a preatty good idea what my "limit" is and I plan on dividing the dosage to qarters instead of halfs and taking in shorter periods.. I am hoping that after couple or few days, I will be able to take longer periods between the qarters and slowly start tapering down..
I did meet with my old friend today and I told her what's going on.. She was really supportive and told me that when she was younger, she had problem with coke and that she has not done anything for 15 years. She helped me figure out the taper schedule and offered to give me some edibles so I can eat a little before I go to sleep and hopefully it will help with waking up in the middle of the night when I start seriously tapering down.. Her roomate has a legit prescription for pot and will buy some edibles for me..
I am excited about finally doing this!! Thank you for your support so far and I must not forget.. Have a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving everybody!!!

[stacey1979]

Congrats first of all on deciding to stop! It is hard but it can be done! If you want it to be done!!

I have to disagree on not telling your bf....Sorry! But I have not only been in that situation once but now twice! I didnt tell my hubby and he found out on his own.....After getting through the first year and a half and having trust back to some level its all down the drain again!! Now I have to work even harder to get it back. Its the right thing to do!

I knew both times I could go to him with anything anytime! But I chose not to, not because I didnt trust him but because I didnt want to be a failure again! Now this time there is more resentment and his love dies for me everytime! I dont want that!!

GOOD LUCK

[gnarly_1]

HI  where not aloud to give out taper sceduals ...but we can give you some basics first off it is different for everyboby there is no one size fits all
let your body be the judge if your really feeling it stay at that dose until you start to feel better then drop doses slow is goood the slower you go the less you will feel and alow at lest a few days between drops so your body can adjust thats about all I can tell you without breaking the rules OOO btw theres some stuff called highlands restful legs you can get it at walmart in the vitamin /herbal dept it homeopathic it was a lifesaver for me and many of or members get some of that b/4 you start scroll down on this screen and look up the thomas recipe it will give you a few things to pick up to make this ezer keep posting for support good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[dempseysgirl]

Hey girl.. I appreciate your input and I will start with tapering of the o y first.. If it goes well I'll have no need to go to Kratom.. :-)

[vicki595]

I just want to say (for the record lol) I am not in favor of Kratom.  Do some more reading,okay? I will have to stick with the suggestion of tapering with oxy instead.

All the best to you!

[dempseysgirl]

Hi,
I agree with you on the Tramadol.. Someone suggested that that is just another pretty hard stuff.. But I will give Kratom tapering a shot.. As I mentioned to Bama88 I did read few posts from people claiming success with Kratom tapering.. I will be posting on my progress..

Thank you guys for your support! I feel so much better! I can do this! I will also find a NA meeting and try to seak more support through meetings. I am ready to kick this!

[dempseysgirl]

Hi girl,
I have searched through lots of forums and I did see at least three when people claimed some success with Kratom tapering getting off of harder stuff because they said that they did not get high on it.. Just used it to taper down.. I am willing to give it a shot and I will be posting on my progress every day..:-) Did you see my earlier post with the taper schedule I came up with.. I will give it a shot..

[ImDONENoMore]

I agree w/vicki - connecting with a friend who can support you is a great idea.

But I will tell you that I think the kratom and the tramadol are NOT the way to go here... so easy to cross-addict right now and the other posters are right - tramadol withdrawal is the WORST (and I would know believe me).

And as I said, I do think the renewed relationship w/your friend will give you the support you need to do this (along with this place and other forms of aftercare).  And unless you have other medical issues, it is possible to cold turkey from the opiates.  Hard of course, but doable.  Please reconsider this plan okay?  You want to be safe here right?  :)

[vicki595]

I think calling your friend would be terrific!  Perfect!  

It sounds like you're going with your plan...if I could suggest one thing to you: please work on getting to the reason for all of this. You never want to get "caught" like this again. There are so many recovery groups around; maybe you can find one (in your spare time!) that would work for you. Aftercare is what has really saved so many of us...

[bama88]

Wharves kratom. I've never heard of it.

[dempseysgirl]

I have taken Kratom this past weekend, because we went for a camping trip and I did not want to take any oxys.. I took Kratom, but I also took two 100mg pills of Tramadol. I took 5 caps of Kratom  and the Tramadol - 2X and I was OK, except I woke up at 5 am each day sweating and shaking and that's when I had to take the tramadol.. Kratom does not make me high.. it takes the WTHDRWL away somewhat and it makes me sleepy. I think that I will be able to function on Kratom only after few weeks, without anyone noticing that I am not well.. and than taper down from that too..

[dempseysgirl]

I know.. I just have been use to taking care of myself, my family, and all problems around me.. myself..Before I met my boyfriend, I have never been with anyone that I could count on.. just myself. I guess I am too much use to being independent.. I am use to taking care of things.. it's hard to let go of that..  You are right.. I need to learn to "give in" and ask for help.. I have one friend.. actually. She is a school teacher.. teaches little kids and kids with dissabilities. I have known her since I came to America 13 years ago, but I have not been a very good friend to her lately, because I am working all the time. I think she would understand.. I'll take her for lunch and try to approach her with my problem.. I know she will not tell anyone. I know I can trust her.. Maybe it will be easier if at least someone knows. I can talk to her and maybe she will help a little with holding myself accountable, since she will share my progress with her.. what do you think? Good idea or bad?

[vicki595]

It seems you need to keep a lot of things from your boyfriend...not judging here; just an observation. Wouldn't it be better to have someone to share this with who wouldn't get mad at you?

Have you taken Kratom before?

[dempseysgirl]

Hi :-),

I know you think that what I take is not a lot and that my Wthrwlls should be over real easy, but I tried just 1.5 day and I was really sick.. it was obvious that something was wrong with me.. I wish I had a 9-5 job and could just take fri, sat, sun off , say I have a flu, and get better, but I have two jobs and I go to school.. full time. I work 7 days a week selling real estate, so mostly weekends out with clients, weekdays I manage transactions and write papers for school and I work 3 nights a week from 7:30 pm till 2 or 4 am. I have to have two jobs, because I support my disabled father and broke mother with grandmother in care.. and my boyfriend doesn't even know.. If he knew how much money I give my family, he would freak out.. but it's my mom and my dad.. how can I say NO? I am sorry I am dumping all this stuff on you all, but I just have no one to tell all of this to.. Because of my crazy schedule, I have no friends.. I just work and study all the time.. maybe that's the reason why I gave in to these "devil's pills", what bama88 called it. Thank you guys for listening..

[dempseysgirl]

Hi,
Thank you for all your advise! I wanted to ask you reg. your post earlier..  What did you mean by "The dos is the worst. I got a hold of restirole for that." I am sorry, I don't understand the short cuts :-). What is "dos"? and what is the restirole for?
Thank you :-)

[dempseysgirl]

Hi,

Thank you about your advise on the Tramadol.. I was not sure but I thought that there may be something about it that is "off.." because I saw people posting about being addicted to Tramadol and mentioning that the WTHRWL form those are really bad.. I will not take the Tramadol. I will start with quarter of oxy in the am and quarter in the PM.. I'll do that for two weeks and try to go to just a quarter  in the morning and 4 caps of Kratom in the evening.. After two more weeks, I'll go to only Kratom.. two in the am and two in the pm.. Hopefully I will not feel too bad that people at work and my boyfriend will not be able to tell I am sick.. I will be posting on here and thank you guys all for your support!! I have cried so much today when I wrote these posts.. It feels so good to be able to tell someone.. someone that understands.. :-)

[vicki595]

Okay...I just read the amount you've been taking and for how long...

You can do this without anything else. Taper a little bit with the oxy. Drink plenty of fluids,exercise A LOT,get OTC sleep meds. With your history you really need to steer clear of benzos and sleep meds. Alteril is all natural and really works well for insomnia.

This is more mental than anything else and you can do this; I'm serious. I know you think Tramadol is mild but the stuff packs a punch so be careful there. I wouldn't take it...

Just want to mention here that I know exactly what a junkie looks like: Me.

[vicki595]

No...never stupid when you're trying to do anything to get clean! I understand the dilema... Does your boyfriend ever go out of town without you? LOL! You could sneak a CT in then...

I think Kratom is just a badass little herb/plant/vegetable/tea...so stay away from that.

How long have you been taking the oxy? How much?  

[overopiates]

I WANT TO SHOUT TO U NO DON'T TAKE THE TRAMADOL at all.The detox is way worse and much longer than oxy,norco any of the stronger opiates.Read here u will hear horror stories.If u can taper it is the best way to minimize ur w/d and your not on much.day3is the WORST.U need to taper and the truth is this taper u will have w/d symptoms during that.LOTS immodium,pepto,if u can get a benzo use it sparingly through the detox.Also no one has mentioned grab some excedrin for headaches.If u have benzo u probably won't need sleep aids.also make sure u buy name brand immodium not generic.I understand u have to do this in secret and alone otherwise I would say c/t as u will feel bad the WORST day is3and w/the amount ur taking by day4-5ur gonna b a lot better.If u do the taper ur w/d is probably going to be just about the same during when ur taking ur smallest dose to cold turkey.Ur gonna b fine.good luck but there is absolutely no reason to go from a tiny dose of oxy2trams.that's pointless and switching to an unnecessary drug w/awful w/d.Stick to tapering w/oxy or norco no trams,get ur detox supplies and u will b fine n NO TIME.Don't "treat"urself to anymore drugs.A lot of us have done that easy to walk away then bam ur hooked.I'm not at all surprised this happened as I know exactly how u feel been there with trading addictions.good luck

[therealmattj]

you had a heroin addiction when you were younger but now you took 2 to 3 norcos and are at 30mg of oxies a day? You are taking less then what a doctor would prescribe. Dont tell your boyfriend because you dont need to. Dont mentally sabotage yourself. Cold turkey on friday morning before work, and youll be 100 percent for mondays work.

[bama88]

He'd never know your withdrawing. You have not used that long. He would think flu. Really only a week.

[bama88]

Hey dempy. Were all.on your side.you need the Thomas.recipe.for sure. Lots and lots of Imodium. Take thee times amount for.runs. and other things. The dos is the worst. I got a hold of restirole for that. And a sleeping pill. I'm completely alone in my detox. My husbands an addict. Read my post. I'll be here today if ya need me. I don't judge. I don't think your stupid. I think your an intelligent girl who is over.her head and scared just like me. I've been on oxies for over two.years. its the devils own candy. It took me a long time to admitted I'm an addict. I'm still.coming to terms with it. But we are strong women. Look at your schedule. Wow. And I thought I was the only superwoman. Lol. Courage is key