Dont' think I can do this

[diazapat]

I am really frightened of withdrawing from diazapam. I got down to 8.5 mg but felt awful.  I have seen lots of articles about coming off these tablets and seen stuff on you tube.  It has really freaked me out.  I got some extra tablets by my GP's mistake not mine but what did I do, started to take extra's.  I am on 14-15 mg per day and should be on 8.5.  My husband thinks I am on 8.5 and my GP thinks I am on 8.5.  I go to see psychiatrist on Wednesday and I need to tell somebody.  I keep trying to make a withdrawal taper to get back to where I was and keep up to where my husband thinks I am but it is hard and I am thinking of ways to get some more tablets to enable me to do this.  I feel so awful and unworthy.  I was so determined but had depression badly for 12 months and have only just got better.  Why do I have to come off the diazapam.  My consultant thought they were causing the depression but obviously they aren't at I feel better on say 14 mg daily than I did on 8.5.  It is like going through an unnecessary hell.  Withdrawal can cause amongst other things depression.  I can't tell my husband as I did this once before and I promised I would never do it again.  I FEEL SO BAD, I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON and wish somebody who had gone through withdrawal could tell me truthfully how it was for them.  Thank you

[kyle505]

How are you doing now? I have no experience with diazepam, but I too am an addict and have been one for 15 years.
The only thing that I can tell you is worrying and stressing over detox is worse than the process itself. Really. I did the same; I focused on going into withdrawal. The worry, anxiety, panic, fear, sleepless nights - what a waste of time. When I did start the detox it was hell, only lasted for a few days, but really not as bad as my imagination had made it. That is just part of the addict's mind defending the use; it doesn't want to give up the meds.
I'm pushing 9 months clean and I can promise you, life is wonderful without meds. Keep posting.

[diazapat]

Thanks for your helpful post.  It is much appreciated

[empress2754]

You are not Bad!  I just finished detoxing of benzo's also.  My psych gave me Vistaril, an antihistamine to help with the withdrawals.  No nausea or vomiting, made me sleepy.  Also was Given Lunesta, a sleeping pill, 1/2 pill as needed at sleep.  It's not pain free but it's do-able.  Got great info and support from this wonderful site.