Day 31 - Who'd have "thunk" it

[Cantdothisanymore]

I actually think i have made it through the worst of it. I have attended two N/A meetings so far. Not sure yet if it's my thing or not but keeping an open mind. Some days are better than others and I still crave....a LOT. I don't understand why I still crave them and hope that it wont be this way forever but so far I have beat every temptation thrown at me ( even from my own doctor) so am I being to optimistic to think I may have made it past the hardest part and the rest will be easier from here? I am so proud and envious of so many of you who KNOW in your hearts that you can do this and who hate thier old DOC and love thier new lives so much now. I want to be there too but I still feel like i have lost my best friend.
'

[Cantdothisanymore]

thanks guys. i had a very busy work filled weekend and no time to check in. i see you have all left me notes and bless you for it. i still need the support. i cant say this is easy but i can say i am starting to believe it is worth it and doable.
glad you had a great time sad - so happy for you!

[jstntime]

Hey you 2,

So happy for the BOTH of you.  I was wondering what had become of you.  It is really nice to see you guys stepping up as the latest success stories.  I know how much work you have put into this and you are both so deserving of your freedom.

Thanks for a nice Saturday night feel-gooder, very proud for you,

bob

[sad1258]

Hey Vikki! I am back!  How are you?  I did not even look at a computer all week just laid on the beach went out to eat walked on the beach and spent time with my family...it was a good time but filled with a mixture of emotions...when I got there I started having panic attacks because for the past 4 vacations I have had pills..so I did not know how to function at first..it was really strange...the first two days were filled with cravings and lots of anxiety but after that I began to relax...33 days today can't believe it!!!!   Congrats on 36 to you!  I want to hear how you are doing!  I know I have turned a corner because I actually came home from the trip and was able to unpack clean out the frig and do normal things without thinking about the pills...what a miracle!!! I start work on Monday and look forward to it!!!  Talk again soon...Love Audra

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl congrats on your clean time your doing great....I think you will find what you learn at the meetings helpful...when you feel a little more comfortable get hooked up with a sponsor and start working the 12 steps thats really where the healing begins ...Im sorry to here your plagued by the cravings...early on I was to...it can be overwhelming...make yourself a list of all the positive things about getting clean...try to add to it often when you get a craving take the list out and read it...also paint a true picture of what it was like living in active addiction for yourself...if your honest it will be an ugly picture of counting pills the fear of running out being chained to a pill bottle and the overall depression that living on the pills causes
let this be the piture in your mind that you recall when your getting cravings...I agree with Laurel in ithat it has a lot to do with how we look at things...you have to come to a point that you no longer"' romance the High"" and look at the addiction for what it really is all about it truly is living in misery wile we chace a high that we no longer can acheve
once you get to this point the cravings will be eazer to deal with good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[sunshine1109]

Hey I see your doing good, congrats on day what is it now 34??? Wow I cant believe its been over a month that this all began, I have been with ya since day one and I have heard you grow so much, you are truly amazing.  Its so normal to have cravings but you will find that they will become less and less as time goes by.  Always remember what you went through in the beginning of this journey and know you never want to repeat it again. I am so happy for you, keep up the good work because YOU are so worth it...Love ya...shine

[laurel453]

so glad that it has helped you !

that's something i learnt from my therapist ... the way i think today is the first step to how i will think tomorrow and what i will feel the day after tomorrow ( sort of :)....it helped me so much when dealing with my anxiety.... if i face my fear today, tomorrow i won't fear the fear and some day i won't feel fear.

Maybe you don't feel yet 100 % that the pills are not your best friend   but you have already  started  changing your thoughts about them today and building a better way of dealing with craves   "tomorrow" and the day after tomorrow you'll just know they are not your friends anymore cause your thoughts are different and the day will come when  you'll hate them because you will feel the same way you are thinking .... ( ok,  something like this )

good luck ...  :)

[Cantdothisanymore]

okay well now i have put off responding to your post because it really gave me pause. Made me really think about how i think about those pills. it all ties in with my other post about how i am waiting for the hatred to kick in and not to think or refer to them as losing a friend. you're absolutely right. when i think of them i think of the fun when i first started on them and what i need to think about is towards the end, and what they did to me and how they have hurt me. i believe wholeheartedly that until i start to think of those tiny evils as exactly what they are, i will never stay clean for long. i am on day 32 and yes right now i stsill crave them and want them but now i dont act on that. i think about it first and know that it is just not worth it. thank you for making me see that.

[jstntime]

I am soooooo proud of your 31 days.  You keep that open mind and do what you need to do to stay clean.  

Can you believe you have made it this far????  Very very happy for you.

bob

[toooften]

i am not sure i am the best person to comment here but i have been addicted for about  7 yrs and i am not sure if it is the physical or mental that is the biggest problem for me.i have gone for 2 or 3 weeks with no draw outs but the thought always brings me back so congrats to you and maybe one day to me as well....sooo keep it up i am glad for thoes of us who can kick it.

[Dav125]

Regardless of the cravings,, " LOOK AT YOU GIRL! "  31 DAYS!..Thats just utterly fantastic..This isn't day one or two anymore. Its 31 and you have something to be darn proud of.. I know I'm certainly  proud of you. You made it work . You hung in there and made it work..Don't worry about losing "your friend"..Don't need friends like that..

Good job Cantdoit,,Next thing you know it will be 60 days! :)

[nwowatcher]

Great job. Keep up the good work. I too am on day 31 and feel wonderful. Joined the Y last week, eating like crazy and staying positive. It has been great to go out on the porch at 6:00 am after 7-8 hours of sleep and watch the sunrise and listen to the birds starting their day. God's glorious creation in action. I hope your cravings stop but you have made it this far so stay busy and away from the areas you once frequented and the people too. Sometimes it takes new friends, new hobbies and a new direction in life. So far you have made the right choice. Join a gym and you will see it helps a lot. If religious pray and read the word. Good luck and God Bless.

[freenclean]

hang in there girl it will get easier the cravings will get less and less and they will fade away quicker.  I will pray for you to have the strenght to beat this  take care God bless free...

[GoingToMakeIt]

Great input!

[laurel453]

you are really a fighter and this is not being easy at all for you, congrats on your day 31... it's good that you keep an open mind about the meetings, take what you may need and leave the rest as Sarah always says.

you may need learning tools to face those cravings and to help you with them... how do you cope with them now ?

when we are struggling every small detail can make a  little difference and all the "differences" put together, can make a big step forward... For instance, the language you use to speak about the pills.... like your  " best friend ", this is not true and you know it so why do you keep using those words for it ? you need to start breaking those automatic thoughts and phrases and switch to more positive ones. When you have those cravings, what type of thoughts do you make ? do you start thinking about how miserable is your life without your "best friend" or something like that ? it is just a suggestion/question, ok ? :)

[GoingToMakeIt]

    Craving is normal and it can stick around for quite awhile. I got great help from eating Dark chocolate, at least 65% cocoa. It helps balance some of the chemicals in your body that are going nuts about now. Pretty soon your best friend will be the sound mind and ability to live without this crutch.