Get back on that horse man. Have you flushed the rest of the pills? You know where those pills will take you. And don't beat yourself up over this. Make it up to yourself by getting back in recovery. OK?
Hey man im glad you ended up posting this out.... Flush them all and keep moving forward..
Sent you message also...
Don't let this guilt consume you. Learn from it and move forward.
Thanks for the words of encouragement, and you are right I know all too well where it goes from here....I haven't flushed them yet though....damn it is amazing how the demon side of this gets in your head and rears it's ugly head when you are trying to get away from it.....thanks for the response and I am gonna' go out and do some serious soul searching here and leave the pills here and hopefully when I get back I will have the strength to throw them down the toilet....peace.....
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
Hey bro....thanks for staying the course with me....it means a lot...I am gonna' go out in nature and try to get my head right and come back and do the right thing...thanks so much for the support...I'll post again soon...peace.....
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
Hi Mark.. You are not a looser You are a Addict.. There is a difference. I'm sorry to read of your relapse.. but Grateful that you posted. You are doing as I would to get my head on straight. I hope the Mother eases your temptation and strengthens your resolve. the pills are your death. get rid of them before they can you.. speak with your Uncle about how serious you are How you desire to be Free.. I will send a Pray for you for Courage for Strength and for Determination to Grab your life back from a controlling force.. respectfully. lesa
Thank you for the support....I know what it is I must do here it is just so incredible how the addiction has so many weapons to pull out on you....I was doing really good and now this.....I am gonna' go and sit by the water and do some serious thinking about who I am and what it is I want out of the rest of my life....thanks again for the kind words and support ...peace
Pilamaye kola......mitakuye oyasin....
(Thank you friend...we are all related)
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
To Walk the Red Road
To walk the Red Road,
You have God-given rights,
You have the right to pray,
You have the right to dance,
You have the right to think,
You have the right to protect,
You have the right to know Mother Earth,
You have the right to dream,
You have the right to vision,
You have the right to teach,
You have the right to learn,
You have the right to happiness,
You have the right to fix the wrongs,
You have the right to the Spirit World,
To Walk the Red Road
is to know sacrifice, suffering,
To Walk the Red Road
is to know you will one day
cross to the Spirit World,
and you will not be afraid.
just getn n...sorry for late response...was thinkn of u today as i watchd ocean..i know u feel bad right now but it happens to the best of us...ive done it few times tryn to quit...never got passed day 3......this time something clicked...hang n there my freind,,you can do anything....
Hey brother........thanks for the response...I hope your day went well and you are gaining strenghth as time goes by....as you can see I fell off my horse (again) Sometimes I wonder if i've forgotten how to ride..lol......
I just came back from spending some time thinking and gathering up some strength...i will start the process again....I guess we only really fail if we stop getting up to try again....right??? peace bro........
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
you my freind have great mind with words...they helpd me today,,,ocean has moods also,today she was unstable and turbulant...like me...or maybe all of us...did supply me with dinner,,nothing special but i went....good luck,,gonna have tough time tonight and tommorow with the cravings myself....take care.
thanks man....it has been an unsettled day for me most definitely.....I always enjoy the ocean as it puts many things into perspective with the sheer size and amazing raw power... I will continue to keep you in my prayers as I have since we first began talking you stay strong and maybe help an old Indian to make this journey with you........peace bro...
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
just lit candles...seems to make me more calm...will post soon....cleaning fish and heating grease...hands nasty but wanted to reply...b cool.
no problem....enjoy your dinner........
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
hey man,just wanted to say hi before it got to late...i did copy that and gonna keep it n my journals,,,tommorow is another day,,ill b lookn for your posts..b cool....
thanks man I hope find sas much strength in the words as I do............peace bro.......
n8tiv_ndn
i will..probly forever...thanx.
I'm hopin the third time is a charm for me bro, went 8 months the last time before I collapsed. Don't kill yourself over it get back on and start again, sounds like u got the will.
Thanks for the support I am trying to let go of the fact that I screwed up and just get back up and keep trying....so i lost a little ground here but this battle and the war carries on...thanks for the support.....peace....
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
Hey slenderthread...thank you very much for your kind words of reassurance as well as the honesty... it really does help me with my resolve to continue this battle as it is truly that my life and happiness is on the table here. I have been at this off and on for soooo loooong and I do have legitimate prescribable pain issues....every doctor that looks at my charts or mri's is all to willing to hand out scripts, however I know that the relief is but a fleeting moment paled by the comparable enslavement of opiates. The amazing power of these medications are incredible....much as life.... there is both good and bad in them...and they must be precariously balanced.....it isn't the "tool" that is the problem it is all in how we use them...and I, for one, am tired of being on the end of the yo-yo and will continue to right my ship and carry the fight to the front....thank you again for your time and compassion and know that your words were heard and that your truth has helped.....peace....
Pilamaye kola.. mitakuye oyasin...
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
Hi, Mark---so sorry you had a bad patch today. But start again tomorrow. It is a new day, clean, bright, and waiting for you to inscribe your story upon it. I am praying for physical and emotional peace and comfort for you, and healing for your head and heart. I'll be watching for your posts today---Margaret xox
Hi Mark, that poem is beautiful. It almost made me cry. Forgive my ignorance, but did you write it or is it a poem of your ancestors? In any case, I'll bet it is lovely in the native tongue.
I don't think you have forgotten how to ride the horse, you just have a wild, unpredictable one that tries to buck you off. Get back on and work with him and train him. You can do it. I have faith in you.
Take care and God bless,
Minn :)
Did you flush those pills?
That's my question have you flushed the pills. If you don't they will flush your life down the toilet. You have opiates in your system right now so your power of choice is gone. Once the pills are in me they are in control. Please keep posting but I also noticed you weren't mentioning the strength you were trying to gain by clearing your head? How do you do that high? I've been right where you are so many times there is no deep philosophical awareness here there is relapse and the hell of addiction. Please stay close seems to me you're in the throws of your DOC it's not a moral issue. We have all been there and I hated when everyone kept telling me to flush but I did it only to relapse again. I have cancer so I have an endless supply of pills like you but I don't want them they will kill me not the cancer I was taking them to numb my emotions not my physical pain. I'm not judging you I'm sharing my experience and each time I relapsed it was so much harder to start again. Please stay close and be as honest as you can even though you're using I need your experience because I know I'm one pill away from where you are and I'm fighting to not go there. Sharon
Margaret....thank you for the words of encouragement and you are right...today is a new day....I just got up as I stayed up last night and greeted the sun this morning in a prayer ceremony....I have not used yet today......your words will help to give me strength...the battle will continue.....thank you again for your support....peace.....
Pilamaye kola.....
n8tiv_ndn
Mark