Mommy Guilt

[Emmas Mom]

For those for you who are parents, how do you deal with the guilt of being an addict?  I look at my daughter sometimes and I just feel so unworthy of her.  

[Mikeinthesouth]

The best thing you can do with your guilt is let it motivate you to stop and stay clean for them. I too feel guilty and no matter how much I have told myself I was raising my daughter alone and was doing a good job I see fault and it tears me up. So I think of how bad it could have gotten and remember all the chilfdren in this world who are in the middle of drug wars, watching their parents use getting physically beaten and worse etc. so I am grateful for my children never being exposed to any of that. I am working on our future and am arried now with a two year old and it is all about God giving me another chance to be the best I can be. I know the feeling of trying to over compensate like Lisa was saying and that does not work as well just as she said. As long as we spend looking at the past and letting it affect us so much today it is still messing with us so I'd suggest as I try to do and that is keep my eye on the present and future becasue that is where the prize is. Cheers and hug the kids from us here, Mike

[enemy48]

My daughter was in high school when my addiction started.  She was independant, driving and really a good child.

I have guilt because I think I took advantage of her self discipline.  She's now in school in Europe, returning in May and I am so ready to spend every moment I can with her and make up the dope days.  She doesn't know of this, but should see a remarkable difference.  

Part of everyone's journey in sobriety is coping w/all the bad things we did, not being as good to our friends & family & letting things slip by the way-side.  Some things can't be fixed, but it's up to us to overcome this to be content w/our new life.

[bandnmom]

First off you have to realize that you are worthly of your wonderful child and second, you have to make the step to change. I look at my two little ones everynight while they sleep and thank god that he trusted in me enough to give them to me. That should tell you something. You can do this! Do it for her but most importantaly do it for yourself!

[persnick38]

I don't think that there is a parent alive - addict or not - who doesn't experience guilt for not being the parent they think they should be. Trust me, I have beat myself up for years wondering if this behavior or that or lack of something led my daughter to feel sad, hurt or in some other way messed up her life. I've been doing that for 15 years - and only started my addiction to pain pills 4 years ago.

What I have learned is that you have to stop beating yourself up. As long as  you do that, you prevent yourself from being able to grow and change and, therefore, don't give yourself or your daughter the opportunity to be the best mom you can be.

You have to believe in yourself and you have to get clean for yourself as much as you do your daughter. You're going to make mistakes as a mom - we all do. The bottom line is that you obviously love your daughter or you wouldn't be worried about this. What kids need most is unconditional love and it sounds like you've got tons of that for her.

You can help your daughter (and yourself) the most by forgiving yourself for your mistakes, learning from them and keep moving forward. Sounds to me like she's lucky to have you.

[kris123]

Look - i have such a hard time with this and get some what angry when other say that women who have children shouldn't because they are addicts!!  We don't love our children any less then a "clean" person and we have always loved our children - i am clean now and god when i look at kala i think about all the times i did drugs and spent money on them - i was hooked, i was trapped by something i thought gave me life, but i did get out and then the gulit got me - say to yourself i am trying to get better, i am glad i am better, i am going to do it for me and her - it is hard - i can tell you love her very much

[what2donow]

It is so hard to be an addict mom.My God I look at their little faces sometimes and  think you deserve so so so much more.OMG im crying now thinking about it again....o no....your babies love you sweetie and the great thing about kids is that they are so so forgiving.

Hugs

[cathy5841]

good idea emma mom.  your little one loves you.

[Emmas Mom]

Thank you so much for all your response.  I am going to try and focus on what I am changing and keep moving forward from there!

[cathy5841]

you cant change the past...the future lies ahead.  she is 2 and if you continut the taper, she wont even remember the days you used.  and even if she did, out kiddos love us unconditionally.  they are amazing little beings.  they overcome come alot.  continue on the path freedom will be yours, in the meantime keep posting
cathy

[road2recovery]

that is really a tough one for all of us....I stopped beating myself up a long time ago..I just do the best i can with and for them....As long as your plan is to get clean that is all you can do for you and them....
The good thing is she is only 2, U have so much time with her...
Please just know you are human, and the more you do this to yourself the more u will want to use...SO move forward and dont' look back!!!
r2r

[avisg]

I never had guilt . I am human. I am not going to be prefect . I have a problem ,I deal with it ,I give my kids everything I have to give them .Life is to short for guilt ,just make the most of every moment you have with your kids .... They grow up so fast

[Emmas Mom]

Well, I am working on the quitting....I am tapering down to 12 from a high of 40.  My daughter is 2 and sometimes I look and her innocence and smile and my heart just breaks a little because I don't feel I have been the best parent I could have been.  I am trying so hard to be that mother she deserves but I just keep coming back to the past two years.....

[cathy5841]

chi chi said it all.  i too quit.  there is nothing better than knowing when i look at my children and grandchild, i see through clear eyes.

[newmanagment]

oh hon, i soo feel ya on this one... i have fought so long to be the father my kids deserve. i guess we jus have to keep in mind that we HAVE to stay clean to be the parents they deseve to have!! so dont beat urself up, just stay focused on wut you and ur kids deserve.... good luck n much love.......

[lisa429]

do i ever know the guilt ate me up girl i felt so guilty that after i got clean i gave my kids anything they ask i became their friend instead of their mom and now the **** that comes out their mouth to me excuse my french really hurts like i owe them for messing up in my life i finally got fed up and said yall know what i paid yall bakc a thousand times over and over i no longer for bad for the things i done they dad never was there left us 16 years ago to never see them again i raised my 4 living kids by myself and my 20 year old never lets me forget the stuff i done to him he is on heavy meds and severe depression becuase of me i am on heavy meds ocd and depression since i was a kid my 19 year old daughter has a smart mouth after everytihng i did for her and she has my grandson he is my world i do everything for them my 2 oldest are on their own now but she is getting better my 2 youngest 15  17 the 17 year old does wat he wants i stopped i  think even caring wat he does the 15 is sweet as pie never talks bad to me just sneaky but a good child i feel like cuase i was on drugs they hated me now that im clean they still get like that but im 41 im tired of it and im like i did the best i could i hurt myself as well and im sorry thats all i can offer now if they dont want that its too bad for somebody but i want to be happy too but the guilt ate me up really bad now im trying to be their mom like it not but your kids love you no matter what u do dont forget that she loves u but take it from me dont shower her with the big things shower her with love first and show her that you gonna be ok thats her only worry that her mommie is ok

[Chi_Chi_Lover]

I delt with it by stopping.

[mommy52713]

i ask myself all the time what would i be doing different if i did not use. i look at life as a learning experiance. please do not beat yourself up over this one day at a time is all you can do . just concentrate on getting better and give your daughter all the love you can give her.