Kicking Morphine

[Anaxis]

Hello all....

I was injured in Iraq in 2006, and through a long & painful process I finally convinced the docs that it wasn't a simple back-sprain/strain.  The docs there had given me Tramadol & Flexeril, and I rapidly became addicted to the Tramadol.  

I have an addictive personality, which has developed since my early teen years.  I drank, smoked a lot of grass, dropped LSD often, got turned on later to Exstacy, and finally ended up taking a daily smorgasboard of drugs, to include heroin, cocaine, & Xanax infrequently.  As far as opiates went, I never took them often enough to get truly addicted to them, so when I moved & was cut-off from my regular suppliers, I didn't suffer any withdrawals.

Fast forward to my joining the military....  That got me off of everything, except the booze.  I became something of an alcoholic in Germany, and continued that trend all the way until my injury.  After being sent back to the States because the docs finally discovered that I had herniated some discs & pinched nerves, I was assigned a regular doctor here.  He took a look at my MRIs, took me off of the Tramadol, and promptly put me on Percocet.  I took those as perscribed for many months (4/day), but they stopped working to control my pain as I became tolerant.  When I informed my doc that the Percocet no longer worked, he took me off those, and stuck me onto MS Contin EQ 15mg (2/day), and morphine immediate-relief 15mg (4/day).

That happened at a point in time where my marriage was falling apart, my work-life & enviroment was miserable, and the pain had reached a point where it kept me from enjoying the healthy things that had kept me going.

Lo & behold.....  the morphine not only took away the pain, but the high I got made everything more bearable.  Unfortunately, I began seriously abusing them, and when I told my doc that I had become tolerant to the existing dosages I was on (resulting in the return of my pain), he upped the dosage & frequency of dosage on the morphine.

So for close to a year now, I've been sustaining a 150-180mg/daily morphine habit.  I'm on a bi-weekly script refill, and for the first week I'll go nuts and take all of the morphine IR.  By the second week I'll have run out of the MS Contin a few days early, and I'll get really sick by the time my next refill comes in.  When my supply has run low and I've tapered down to 60mg/day, and then 30mg/day, I can't bring myself to do anything but lay on the couch and be semi-sick.  I'll have the cold-burn, shakes, RLS, and depression, even though I'm still taking 30-60mg morphine.  Only when I get a refill, and I can go back to over 100mg/day, do I feel normal.  And recently I started vein-popping the 15mg morphine IRs; in an attempt to make them last longer, as taking them orally affords an incredibly low bioavailability level of morphine.  I tried plugging them a while back, but that didn't work very well.

But IV'ing the morphine was the last straw.  I'm sick of it.  If there's a single upside to being addicted to opiates, it's that I no longer have any desire to drink alcohol, and if I do crack a beer I'm unable to take more than a few sips before being disgusted & dumping it down the drain.  But that's only a tiny plus in a world of negative addiction.  The thing is though....  if I quit taking painkillers, not only will I have to endure weeks worth of horrible WD's, the pain will come back full-force.

But the military has a very negative view on addicted soldiers.  The general response to someone admitting to a perscription (legit!) opiate addiction is to persecute, punish, & force counselling, rather than treat it as a medical problem and provide the treatment required to alleviate not only pain but the WD symptoms.  The military treats addicts as criminals and liabilities, rather than giving us the help we need.  I'm deathly afraid to admit to my doc that I'm addicted to morphine, as it'll not only result in my being completely forced into cold-turkey kicking, but will also result in possible criminal charges (at worst) and restriction of my freedoms (like leaving post, having to check-in every 2-4 hours daily, submit to drug-testing weekly).

So I have to kick morphine on my own and find a way to fight my pain, all while still maintaining the appearance that I'm taking my meds as perscribed.  But even being without the morphine for a day or two is terrible as-is.

The really bad bit is that for years I've been fully aware of the horrors of junk addiction, as I've been a fan of William S. Burroughs since I was 13.  Beyond the occasional H joy-bang back in the day, I willfully kept myself away from taking it more than once or twice in a month.  Now I know how it's possible to remain an addict for so long.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

This may be a first - I wont even give you any grief about how the zoomies always have it made - - the world needs many 11Bulletstoppers though ......

Look up in the health discussions the Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid Protocol .... they are valid - try and use them.....watch your hydration - with the morphine you may lose fluids to vomiting or loose stools......gatorade and pedialyte are both good....you do not need sub - - you might benefit from any of the benzodiazepines ... valium, librium, zanax, etc....for the RLS. Use this forum for questions and support - many good folks here that will answer questions and give advice. Use a heating pad and hot showers/baths for muscle aches and RLS...Eat banannas for potassium and as a snack - Some say to use epsom salts in warm bath for RLS... and the vitamin/supplements will also help with RLS. Dont let anything be a deal breaker for this one.  Calcium/magnesium supp's are also good for RLS.... You have the Intell now - use it to your advantage.....and best of luck to you, Troop -

[ochooked]

Sounds like you may be a good candidate for Suboxone - ---  It will kill the W/D's while allowing you to gradually come off of it - ---- From what I hear you must get off of it in 21 days but it can be done - - -- the most important thing is that you have help - -- you need someone to control your Sub (if you get it).   It makes it doable without the horrible W/D/s but unless you have help - i.e. a good wife or friend, you are increasing your risks to become addicted to it.   I too thank you for your service to our country and wish you the best.  

[Anaxis]

Thanks all for the well-wishes.  I certainly need it for what I plan to do.

Unfortunately for those of us in the Army, we do not get the level of care and living that Air-Force personel get.  If a soldier is suffering from a severe personal problem (ie marriage problems, eating disorders, substance addiction, etc), there are no breaks afforded for rehab/detox, marriage retreats (unless through a scheduled church retreat), etc.  
That, and any such personal issue so severe that it requires drastic intervention is looked down upon to the extent that it can be a virtual career-ender; due to punative disciplinary action/punishment, being long-term/permanently passed up for promotions, and being generally branded as a weak-link or worthless individual.
The extent of the aid issued for any serious personal problem by the army is counselling; and contrary to what units tell soldiers, in that counselling is encouraged and anonymous, those who do so are in fact known and stigmatized.
Anyways, I tried kicking M cold-turkey after being on it for 6 months, and I made it no farther than Day 3 of WDs.  The deal-breaker was the leg spasms/RLS, cold-burn (otherwise known as cold/hot flashes), severe sadness, and horribly vivid dreams.
I've found the amino-acid anti-WD regimen here, and I think ill try that.  I also found mention of an herb called "Kratom" used in making a tea, but it is currently highly expensive or unavailable here in the US.
If I were a bachelor, I wouldn't be bothered as much as I am by an addiction to M.  But I'm married, I love my wife dearly,   and this affliction has damaged our relationship extensively.  One of the worst side-effects of M addiction is the complete loss of sex-drive/ability.  I want to kick morphine not just for me, but for my wife mainly.  

[FriaryGrad]

I was in a rehab facility in Florida that was about 20 miles from an Air Force Base, and there were about five active duty military in rehab at any given time.  When they completed rehab they had to sign a contract with the AF, but otherwise went back to active duty.  You don't say what branch of service you're in, but are you sure you can't admit part of your problem (i.e. your "dependence" due to the way the drugs were prescribed, and your on-going pain problems) and ask for help getting through your efforts to come off the opiates?  I'm sure you know best, of course.  If you can't be up front with your military docs, can't you contact a local mental health facility and see if they will find a place for you in a detox facility?  I too thank you for your service to America, and wish you were being treated better.  Take care and try to keep your spirits up.  I'll be praying for you....

[deceasedwithin]

really sorry to hear of whats happening with you, i went through the same withdrawals but from oxycontin 80-120 mgs a day. i think the best thing you can do is just very slightly decrease your dosage over a long stretch of time. you cant just jump down at the last few days before you run out of pills, if you can slowly lower your dosage each week you will not have to go through the withdrawals so early on, eventually when your ready to get off everything completely, that is the roughest step. but i think if you rush into it cold turkey you might be to tempted just to take more pills to ease the withdrawals good luck man im just coming off the oxys its been about a week, i used suboxone to help withdraw and not get too many symptoms feeling great right now

[lifesaride]

Thank you for your service to our great country. I'm sorry you have to go thru this. If there is anything I can do, Just ask! Teddy