Fear of Judgement

[clueless33]

I've kind of come to the realization that although Lortab is recommended by my doctor, recommended by my peers with this disease, etc etc... that I have this overwhelming feel of nasty guilt for taking them. I know I have some borderline (or spot on) addiction issues, and that is something else to deal with.

I take it behind my husband's back, because he comes off very accusatory and absolutely makes me feel like ****. He isn't the reason I take it... I take it because it makes the pain go away and releases anxiety. (Again, not saying it is all healthy.)

I don't want to feel like I'm cheating on my husband when I feel bad enough to take the meds, and I have had issues of taking too much at different times. I want to talk it all out with him, but I am TERRIFIED of the conversation. I want him to hold me accountable... and actually put the meds where I can't get to them if need be. But I don't even know how to broach the subject.

I have a terrific marriage, but having a drug counselor for a husband is hard. Maybe just quitting taking them and dealing with the pain with other stuff is the best idea. I just want to be able to talk to him about it. I'm confused, depressed and just want to cry.

[worried878]

Agree...I had a back injury when I was 26...a long time ago   lol!   Chronic and will have it the rest of my life  I have a fusion at c5-6-7....never dealt with the pain with narcs til a few years ago...And it really didnt improve that much now that I look back...I think the stress I was experiencing from trying to chase them was causing me more back pain that it is worth....stress is the worst thing for my back....Really...narcs are not the way to deal with chronic pain unless you are old, or ready to die, or have no addiction issues and can stick to your dose...tolerence builds for most very quickly...there are a lucky few that do not have this I guess....I started at 10 mg daily and ended at 80 mg daily in a mtter of 2 years...I could do more on any given day tho...The tolerence level builds but the threshold for overdose does not...A friend overdosed and was not even high after taking 25 over 8 hours...had been using for years...that is where i would be   at 250 mg or so in a few years...could see it coming....she is ok and has quit narcs for pain relief

[bmc1976]

Not to be nosy, but what kind of pain do you have? There are many people on this forum that have taken pain meds because of legitimate pain. I myself have been on and off them for a few years because of back and sciatic pain. If you let us know your pain some people on here might be able to suggest other options to help deal with it. I have tried numerous different non narcotic pain meds. There are also many other ways to help pain such as physical therapy, epidural steriod shots, and many others. Also, after being on pain meds for a length of time it's hard to tell if we are still actually in pain. Our mind makes us think we are just so we continue taking the meds. A great place to start would be a pain management clinic. If you tell them you want to deal with your pain by other means without taking narcotic pain killers, they may be able to help. Good luck to you!
Brian

[confused456]

Hi, I feel for you, but I think that you should tell him. If he is a counselor, and you have a medical condition, then just let him know that you do not want to form an addiction, and would he be willing to manage your doses for you. He sounds loving, and so maybe you should try to approach the subject that way. Just a thought. Best of luck to you!