Finally Free of my Demons : )~

[RoxiMan2009]

8 days ago I was a full blown addict consuming 400-600 mg of roxicet per day. I have tried to quick numerous times over the past 4 years and have also resulted in a relapse. The drug took full control of my life and I had hit rock bottom. Desperate for a solution I decided to go C/T (cold turkey) and go with the Thomas Recipe. (opiate detox recipe) and I must say that I have never done so well. I have tried countless times with suboxone but always found that I would fall back to opiates hurting from suboxone withdrawal. For someone with a tolerance as high as me would be on at least 16.mg on suboxone. I would take it for 30 days or so and then decide to get off and even with tappering down to 2.mg every other day I struggled with extreme w/d and would end up using again. Anyways, I went through the toughest 5 days of my life but I DO NOT regret them. I conquered my own demons 1v1 and I will NEVER GO BACK. I am feeling sooo great and other then minor w/d such as anxiety and some sleep issues I am on my way back to being the person I was 4 years ago. My new high is going to bed every night with a smile on my face knowing that each day forward I will feel better and better. This addiction I would not wish upon my worse enemy. If I die today and go to hell I imagine myself being right back where I was 8 days ago. I wish every one of you on here the best of luck with your battles and realize that we only have one life to live, and the life of an addict is not worth liven. Until our government and healthcare system realize the consequences of their actions more and more will become dependent on these drugs. For those of you that need them, that is ok..but doctors need to give more information on dependency in both a physical as well as mental aspect. This addiction is going to effect me for the rest of my life. I will always be an addict...one step away from the edge. But with family, support groups such as this and rehabilitation we can build up that wall. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask. Peace and love -Jay

[IBKleen]

WOW....so good for you. I am so happy to hear that you got clean. So, help me out here please,  What are you doing in the way of aftercare to make sure that you stay clean? Please let me know.I really appreciate it.  Thanks.

[mjones5]

Thank you for sharing such a inspirational story! Can see your happiness in your words! Good luck to you!!

[RoxiMan2009]

Well I actually just moved 600 miles away to escape that life. So I've surrounded myself with positive people and most of all, my family. This was the first time in 4 years that I confronted my family about my problem and it gave me the power to get through it. I also am attending NA meetings twice a week. I start working out again lightly and have found that it helps significantly. I also have been eatings a ttttton of candy. lol. I found that it makes me feel better and takes cravings away. The only thing that worries me from here is the fact that for the last 8 days I have been using 1mg ativan twice daily and melatonin to sleep. I have never used either of these so I shouldn't have any issues without them. However if I have RLS nights I can use one of the 7 .5mgs I have left. Thanks for your concern. -Jay

[avisg]

I would  get off the ativan asap. If you have already been taking it a over a week  when you try to go to sleep without taking one it may be difficult the more days you take it the more sleep problems you may end up having . Not to mention they are very addicting

[RoxiMan2009]

Ok thanks yea I started them on the 2nd day so its been 6 days and tonite will be the last night so Ill take .5mg instead of 1. I will continue the melatonin a few days after the ativan anyways. I never would have thought that I could get to where I am now on natural substances and vitamins minus the ativan. And the L-tyrosine gets my brain flowing and is wonderful in the morning. Question...anyone have a suggestion on how long to continue the Thomas Recipe minus the benzo cuz I figured I would need to take the rest of the stuff (multi-vitamin, b6, tyrosine, ibuprofen) for a while longer. Any help would be great I just don't want to lose the smile on my face. I haven't felt so clear headed overall good in 4 years. I always loved opiates becuz they game me so much energy but I didn't realize just how much more energy one has OFF the damn things. My "normal" is no longer grumpy, irritated and lazy looking for the next fix. The best part of beaning off these devils is not waking up the next morning with that sour stomach panicking whether you have pills or where and when you can get them. IM FREEEEEEEEE

[avisg]

I have stayed on supplements  ever since I got clean 2 years ago I use 5 hpt and magnesium/coliseum as well

[RoxiMan2009]

Oh ok then I will continue on those for awhile. Thanks for the help.

[CATUF]

please read about the phenomenon known as the "pink cloud"http://ezinearticles.com/?Relapse-Prevention-and-the-Pink-Cloud&id=350092

I know you don't feel it at the moment, and that neither I nor any article is going to change your mind, but you are not in a safe place.

You said you're going to NA twice a week.  If you're serous about staying clean, try going seven times a week for at least 90 days.  If they don't have that many NA meetings in your area, fill the gap with AA meetings.  

Get a sponsor, or at least a temporary sponsor, and work the program under his direction. Make sure you pick a sponsor with significant recovery time, who has worked the Steps.

You simply cannot afford to think that you're anything close to being safe.  You might be in a small clearing, but you're not even close to being out of the woods yet and you are far from safe.  

CATUF
1551

[avisg]

I had this in my jornal  

The “pink cloud” is best described as a period of time where the addict or alcoholic experiences a reprieve from the struggles associated with early recovery. These struggles are generally associated with the feelings of depression, anger, resentment, self pity and the realization of where their drug addiction or alcoholism has taken them.

Upon experiencing this phenomenon for the first time, the addict or alcoholic is understandably excited. They begin to believe they now “hold the key” to their recovery. This is where the seed for relapse is planted. They begin to believe more in themselves than in the process they have been following. Without the pain as a daily reminder, they tend to forget about what it took for them to embrace recovery. Denial rears its ugly head and they minimize how devastating their drug addiction and alcoholism really was and that they have a disease of drug addiction and alcoholism that requires attention on a daily basis. Relapse prevention becomes an afterthought as the person becomes defiant and rebellious regarding suggestions contrary to their desires. Without resorting to drugs or alcohol, the individual in recovery is one step away from relapse. Remember, relapse is not an event, it is a process

[RoxiMan2009]

Well the thing is I do not know anyone here and have zero connections for any drugs. The reason I only go twice a week is becuz I am a recent grad now working 50-60 weeks in the corporate world. There is no turning back for me. I would lose my family, my job, and my soul. I also live with my parents currently and have had the best support from them. I come from a family of very addictive personalities. For my family however it is alcohol. I drink 2-3 times a month at most. Don't enjoy it at all and only socially. I feel that my issue in the future it going to be how to fill that particular gap. And I am trying to make that gap exercise again. I used to go to the gym 2 times a day and was in the best shape of my life. I want to spend more time in the gym then NA meetings and hears why. I do believe that NA meetings are great and they certainly do help at the start but after while I find that it consumes your life. A life that I want nothing to do with ever again and I find myself spending the most of my free time with other addicts (no offense). I strongly believe it separating myself from that world altogether and by surrounding myself with positive people at work and family I will not run into any problems. For me this was the first time I told my family of my problem and I feel that is the reason I've done so well. You can't hide in a shadow feeling depressed and sick around people who have no idea what your going through physically and emotionally. Now that the rents are on board they have found many meetings for me to go to, different books, articles, and family friends with similar struggles. I don't have a single number of anyone with drugs and I changed my number. I have very friends here due to recently moving (3 weeks ago) and am making sure I chose the right ones. I also found a bottle of 20 OXY 20 mg and got the biggest smile on my face as I ran down the stairs almost falling down them and heaving those suckers in the toilet. To show them the respect theyve shown me over the last 4 years I also urinated on them. Flushing those was an awsome feeling and one that I have NEVER had before. I am not going back. If I ever did I might as well kill myself because my life would be over. But its JUST GETTING STARTED BABY>>>FREEDOM IS BLISS

[RoxiMan2009]

Oh by the way..i agree with avisg that many users tend to forget how tough that struggle was to get clean and decide to use becuz it wont be too much to get clean again. Well, for me this is why i went C/T this time agaisnt both my doctor, family, and friends. I wanted to feel the true pain and hell of this disease. I had always used subo and just fluffed around switching back and forth using subo as nothing more than a tool to take the edge of the next relapse. It mad it more easy for me to go on binges and jump back on subo and repeat. That is now not an option and I made a journal of every single day I went trough and specific details of those feelings and emotions. I have read them almost everyday and they always turn a craving into a nasty disgusted face. For me, I had to find the reason for my using and I was able to. And since working on that and becoming more informed about my actions and there consequences I really can say I feel very safe. And mostly, this wonderful website that I have recently taken a good part on. I love the people on here and always sign off in a good mood. Thanks for your concern.

[CATUF]

OK, then.  

CATUF
1551

[sid3]

I'm an addict and I know I will never be totally free from my demons. Good for you on getting clean for the last time.  

[jollyman069]

remember all of us in here have 1 big thing in common....we are and always will be addicts....but the good news is with hard work and the Grace of God we don't have to be a active addict,,I almost have 6 months clean....i was addcited to percs and morphine for 4 years and stopped c/t....may God Bless you and if i can help in any way please contact me...there are so many good people in here that truely care and want to help others....we need each other....brian

[worried878]

U rock..feeding our brain another opiate//often a stronger one than our doc..is not always conducive to recovery...few here would tell u to switch to hydro if u were an oxy user///nor vice versa//especially not when u r in the early stages of wanting cleandaom...but sub/which is 5-10 times stronger than hydro...drs/people will push on u on it a heartbeat

fact is our brain needs to be opiate free to heal.  I do beleiev some need a maintenance drug like sub or methadone while they do the work they need to do on their inner sefl///aftercare and creating new coping mechanisms..i do know that sub is the drug people here and elsewhere often reccommend..having studied both both drug i c little difference in the long run..i have used both for up to amonth and had no wd...but the sub jolted me/felt like the first time i took a hydro///loved my sub so really bad karma..methadone which i used for pain for a month here and there, gave me no desire to abuse///if i took more i went to sleep...like many narc abusers//i was an nrg seeker!

to each our own...we r all different..i just really hate reading bout people r gonna be saved by sub!   the only one wo can save us is US!  our inner self

our own plan saves us..our own strength saves us..if we need a maintenence drug..like sub or methadone..then do the one that fits with u...sub is the new sposedly safe methadone and will be just another methadone as more and more become addicted to it...21 day cut off for sub addiction but have hard that argued this amt of time to be less  

both r a bear to wd from due to the long half life of each drug..mg for mg sub is much stronger than methadone..hard to compare cos sub is a partial agonist..but in comparison charts 1mg of sub = 10-15 methadone


both are hardcore...much stronger than percs or hydros/if u become addicted,then the wd is way worse/or longer than most docs..the idea of choosing a maintenance narc is to give u time off the street while u do the work u need to do on coping mechanisms, triggers etc

Before considering one of these maintenance narcitc.be sure u have tried evryway out..u can not just skip wds./physical nor menal..as a rule we suffer for our istakes to some degree..and u know that is ok!  we live and we learn

[soberfrank]

hi, I ve been reading, and i think you should really listen to the people posting about na/aa.  I didnt want to be associated and hang out with those people either, untill i became one.  I only had a drug problem until, i substituted drugs for alcohol.  in fact , i hated the taste of it,but it got me to the mmm... place we all know so well.  I go to meetings today to give what was so freely given to me.  If you dont believe these posts, im afraid you will need aa/na again anyway.  Im here to tell you, its not so bad hanging out with us.  we insist on enjoying life, well, most of us anyway.  And oh yeah, it doesnt matter how far you leave home, u still take your self with you. in other words, you can find drugs any ware u look 4 them .   im am proud of you for the 8 almost 9 days though, good luck, and pray alot, i will.   f

[dominosarah]

Always keep your Guard Up......this addiction is sly and cunning............sara

[RoxiMan2009]

OK Thank you all for the info. One thing that is really bothering me is how sore I am. I have been working out and yesterday played frisbee with my friends for a few hours and today I can not move. My arms and chest feel torn and hurt so bad. I am not used to this and I am guessing my body is not producing natural pain relievers yet so this is why i am achy? I took ibuprofen but it hardly helped. Damn. But other than that I am now waking up in the morning without the first thing I think about being pills. I am very happy I have all your support. I will keep you guys updated as I reach PAWS. I am a little nervous about that but I think im in a good mind set. Thanks again

[dominosarah]

Read all you can on PAWS and get educated on it.  Stay positive in your thinking like you are and that will help.

Now that you arent on the pain meds anymore we start to feel things when we overdue it.  I remember playing the wii after i cleaned up and i thought i was going to die the next day!!!  

[RoxiMan2009]

haha I hear ya...the only other thing that bothers me in my stomach in the morning. I have a really bad stomach as it is and very sensitive so I'm not sure if its because of the massive amount of vitamins I eat first thing in the morning, the l tyrosine? or Just a continuation of opiate wd becuz im only on day 9. However, I feel sooo good for how long its been and I am telling you that the Thomas Recipe is doing it. I have quit so many times and I've never been able to feel this good off even suboxone. Hell, its almost 2 pm on any normal day I would have blown 5 30mg oxycodones by now. I dont want to ever see one of those again. I am 600 miles away from my connects and I dont have a thought in my mind about contacting any of them. I'm living in Charlotte now and have noticed that there really arent any painkillers around and its all dope. I just dont want to ever be somewhere or see someone using it for awhile. Although i feel like i could handle having it in front of me its just not good for my wandering mind right now.

[dominosarah]

You could try some Zantac or Prilosec for your stomach.  That is OTC stuff and it works.  I take the generic stuff for my stomach but mine is just from being 120 yrs old!!!

[buprenex]

Can someone with the amount of time and the high amount of Roxi really detox in 5 days. I know what you mean by going to bed as a normal person. I honestly think I am missing something. Seems way too short too good to be right, what am I missing.

[missmetal]

Hello and congratulations to you!  Can you please tell me what the Thomas Recipe is?  Thank you and keep up the progress!

:-)

[RoxiMan2009]

I never said that my detox was over. I said that I am feeling great and that I have only minor w/d symptoms. And the answer is yes. On a daily basis I used 20-30 30mg roxicets. I was also selling them to support my habit or else I could not have made it that far. I am not proud of what I did but its part of the addiction. I did ween myself down to around 150 mg (5 pills) a few days before which I also had severe w/d for. But for the 5 days after with no opiates I can not explain to you in words what I went through. I did not sleep for 5 days straight, did not eat or drink hardly anything, puking multiple times a day, severe depression, chills and aches, the worst anxiety ive ever had. My mom had to hold my legs down at night I was literally jumping up in my bed. I cried a few of the days just knowing that there was no turning back. And I kept a journal of the whole thing to read whenever I have cravings in future. I highly advise people do this it works well when u have a craving and u read your horror story you otherwise may have forgot or lessened in your mind. Like I told you guys I've been doing this for 4 years, and something this time just kicked in. I had my familys support and I was going to get through it if I died trying. The time went by so slow and there's nothing you can do about it esp if you cant even sleep. The ativan really helped slowing my mind down because many peoples w/d are worse when they are constantly saying "oh i cant do this anymore" "this is too hard" whens it gunna get better"  I just went with the flow and kept positive. Ive never wanted anything so bad then to be sober and my old self again. Ive lost the girl I loved and many friends over this and I still hate myself for turning into the person I recently was. I am disgusted with the things that I did and I as much as I want to get high again outweigh it with the loss of my family, friends, and my job. Id rather shoot myself in the head with a gun right now than put a pill in my system. Im done. And I promise if you keep tabs on me you will see how serious I am. I saw 100's of lives destroyed over these things while i was at college. And i have to live with the fact that many of them got them ftom me. I had no idea what these things could do to someone until it was too late. 2 weeks later I moved 600 miles away with my family and am on track to success. I still do have mild w/d symptoms dont get me wrong but am still taking the Thomas Recipe for another few weeks at least. I really am telling you it helped me alot if you take it seriously, have a good attitude and support you can quit anything.