Finally out of Denial.......Hard to Quit

[powershot2012]

Hi, I started out years ago taking Ultram for pain in my broken leg.  Just last January I took myself off of them.  Boy if that wasn't hard to do.  It was an addiction I hid from everyone even my husband.  When I went off  them he thought I had the flu and I let him think just that.  I was off them for 4 mths and almost everyday I wished I had just one to take.  Then one day last april I invited a new aquaintance over for dinner.  She could tell I was in pain and offered me a Norco and my brain was saying take it take it.....So I did.  That was the beginning of a new drug addiction.  It hasn't been hard getting the norco at all.  If you know the right people you can get them with little problem.  Every single time I take one I feel so guilty.  The Norco give me energy, sense of being smarter, think clearer, happier, excellent appetite, increased sex life....It's like taking the substance that's been missing in my brain my whole life.  
When I don't take the Norco every 6-8hrs. I feel cloudy, can't think clearly, become forgetful, energy goes down, feel panicky....It's awful and it won't go away unless I take a pill.  
I come from a family of narcotic addicts....Parents, siblings, neices, nephews, etc....We don't talk about it though.  Only my father has spoken about how jerky and achy he will feel during the night and when he takes his vicodin it goes away.  My family members keep there narcotics under lock & key so no one else will steal their stuff.  It's been an ongoing thing for many years.  I never felt the need until I broke my leg and started on the ultram.  
So today I am wanting off the Norco.  I see the physical effects on my body, the mental hold it has on me, the love affair of it, I love the **** but hate it at the same time....I can't go my entire life chasing it, I don't want to!!!
I take 3-4 norco a day, depending on how busy I am.  I don't think that's alot but if I took more than that I would be a total zombie.  Taking a 4th one in a day would mean something really upsetting happened and that 4th one will make it easier to cope with.  For awhile I didn't realize this but am fully aware now.  
2 weeks ago I started trying to taper off.  It was so hard to be okay taking only 2!  so I broke all of them in 1/2 and so when I wake up I take a 1/2 then in the afternoon I take another 1/2.  I then take another 1/2 in the evening.  This hasn't been easy at all.  If something upsetting or stressful comes along I'll pop another 1/2.   It's gotten to where I can't handle the slightest upset without popping at least a 1/2 of a norco!  this is nuts!!!  
I definately started laying low....telling people I'm not feeling well. Going to work is all I can handle right now and I have to go to work.
I am experiencing now difficulty in sleeping, crawly feeling in the skin, runny nose.  Worst of all no appetite!!!  I have lost 5lbs in 2 weeks!  I have no weight to lose. No diarrhea yet (thank god).  I cannot believe that only taking 3-4 Norcos in a day since april could cause such withdrawals!  This Norco is powerful stuff to get off of.  My husband doesn't notice because he is so busy in his job right now that I barely see him.  So maybe good time to do this.
I want to be forever free from narcotic addiction.  It's a horrible way to live everyday.  I want me back for the rest of my life.  I'm not around my family much anyway so the family won't be a problem.
After reading all these posts on addiction it's amazing how many people have the same problem I have.  The best of luck to anyone reading my post.  I really feel for you, I really do!!!
Thank You

[powershot2012]

Thank You for the reply.  Even though I feel crappy it feels good to share this with someone who truly understands what your going through.  I was thinking maybe I would call in sick this thur and fri so I would get a 4 day weekend to go completely CT.  I'll continue the tapering with 1/2 a pill.  So far that's all I have had today and normally I would be taking my 2nd one by now.  I know I don't take alot in a day but the effects of not taking what i did is horrible.  I started taking boost today and it just made me feel so nauseted in the last half hour.  Had I known this drug would be this powerful I would of never taken it.  I have 800mg Ibuprofen to take for pain too but right now taking that makes me nauseated.  I'm going to a bbq at a friends house today and these are clean sober friends so no worries of knowing I could get something from them.  I think sober friends are the best for me.  My sober friends are so different, so uplifting, so nice and look at life different than my friends and family that are addicts.  It's weird.
85 days clean of no pain meds is good!  I will be happy when I can say I am just 1 day of no NORCO......Thank you for the encouragement I really really need it!

[mary577]

Welcome to the forum.    No more than you are taking, my recommendation would be to quit CT.   If you can time it to where you have 2 or 3 days off from work, that would be ideal.    But if you decide to quit, you need to get rid of the pills that you have.   You don't want any around to tempt you because that little voice in your head will be telling you to "take just one" and as long as you give in to the voice....you won't be able to quit.

I was taking about 5 a day and had been on them for about 5 years.   I started out at 2 a day but when I quit, I was having to take one every 3 to 4 hours or I felt sick and panicky.   I wasn't an addict in the general sense that I was buying them off  the street or taking many multiples at a time but I could see that I was heading in that direction.   I have legit pain reasons to take them, but I just didn't want to be dependent on them.   And let me tell you....I have been totally off of them for about 85 days and yes, I still have pain, but it is no where near as bad most days as I thought it would be.   I am able to get along with an Aleve once in awhile.
I am not young....I am almost 66 years old.   I believe if I can do it, just about anyone can...especially if they aren't taking them to extreme excess.  

Even tho I had pain issues....I took them for the way they made me feel...all the reasons you mentioned.    I started off taking them for my bad knees but ended up taking them for the energy they gave me.  

I want to warn you that when you first quit them, you may have issues with energy and I strongly suggest supplements.   The energy does come back and I can truthfully say that I feel better now than I have in years.

So, take that leap of faith.   Post often and someone will be here to back you up and guide you along the way.