Fioracet W/ codiene/ fioranal w/o coediene & darvocet

[mommyshouldntbehere]

Okay. here goes.  new here! hi-ya. nobody knows of any of this, and I feel so all alone. I'm your typical at-home mom who loves my husband and children more than anything on earth. I love God eternally, but I also have a deep solo-secret...

I don't have a lot of time, but I'm going to dish quick, so I can get an answer by the time I return home.
I started darvocet while pregnant, because I get mirgraines so severly and couldn't take imitrex while preggo. that was 5 years ago. On and off, I've had that refilled, since it does help, and doesn't have the nasty imitrex side effects that I get.  I then got pregnant soon after (our kids are 22 mo. apart) - on the same thing...

Once children and breast-feeding were done, I went back on Imitrex, treximet, maxalt, relpax, etc, all of wich my body chem. has taken to worse now to them, than before, giving me such bad side effects I'd rather suffer with the headaches... at any rate - I was prescribed the fioracet. both with and w/o coediene, with asprin at times, sometimes not. I come up with stories to switch, I have been doctor hopping (some docs are becomming aware of this, now)  I am an "on and off addict", I believe. right now, my finances and marriage is rather in shambles, my kids and my pills are really the only thing making me happy. I feel I neeeeeed them both.  I know I need my kids, but I know I DO NOT need these pills. I'm taking (at the moment) about 6-8 (every four hrs) pills a day the fioracet w/codiene. I don't know how to get off, and I AM RUNNING OUT AND MY INS. WON'T REFILL YET - TOO SOON....(I've been upping from my usual 4-6 to 6-8 to get through some rough days OR to really get rid of the headache, OR to prevent... however, my concern is...
I don't want to withdrawl.... I know it can be dangerous and my brothers best friend died from drug issues... at any rate.. I have both fioranal (without) codiend, with ASPRIN, not tylenol... as well as Darvocet in my "care" right now... can I keep taking them as a substitute right now?  I want off, but I don't know how to correctly "wean"  My next script will be my last, as it's my last refill, for 40 pills (of the fioracet w/codiene) - as soon as I can get it... but it's the last doc that doesn't "know" and there's no way around being DONE at this point.  
How can I quit?  Advice?
I canNOT tell my husband at this point, since our marriage is already rocky...really rocky.
I can't lean on my friends for fear of judgement and my parents, they have had to already deal with two extreme drug addictions with my brothers - I can't break their hearts too. What do I do? Help!!!!  
I should also mention that I have anxiety and ocd (fear of dying, mostly, fearing me to do many things and fear of cancer) - so I am supossed to be taking Prozac, 40 mg. daily, but I'm too afraid to mix it with anything else I take (pain-med-wise) that I haven't taken them much.... Husband is noticing my mood changes (probably from the pain meds)  -- I also have kolonapin (can I take that as a detox method?)  I need help and nowhere to go!

I stay at home, like I said and I'm very lonely, and don't have many friends. I'm a really hands-on mom who loves to be with and do things with my kids. we really do bake and do art, daily... but these pills have taken over, I need to watch the clock for my 4-hr mark, and I hate it!!!

Oops- this wasn't sort after all... thank you in advance,
Mom who should have never gotten to this point...
:( :( :( I'm really disapointed in myself. What started off as an "innocent" pill to help my horrid headaches (that I've had since I was 11) -- turned into a physical addiction and emotional crutch. :(

[tiggz1977]

don't leave your husband while you are high. don't do anything major untill you are clean. don't do something with your judgement impaired you might do something you will regreat later. try to stay clam and tell your doctor they have the resouces and help you need to get through this. you are not alone in any aspect of addicition. deciding to stop is the first step. your soberity is the most important thing. Pray and ask for help, he will help you through everything. he did with me ;)

God bless and good luck!

[RyRyBoosMom]

I am so sorry! It sounds like you are back on track. No one said this was going to be easy, listen to Vicki and all the people who want to help you. No one is judging you! You are in my prayers.

[vicki595]

I love you,too!  LOL    You'll be okay and don't worry!!  Just do the work like the rest of us and you'll be fine...you can do it!!

xo

[mommyshouldntbehere]

vicki.... coming from a totally sober me at this point.... I could just hug you and am sending you the biggest virtual hug right now for not only NOT judging me, but for not putting me down, being in my shoes and being able to HELP me through where I'm at in my stage right now. THANK YOU. you have NO idea what this means to me.

[vicki595]

Nothing is going to happen...you're writing and thinking just fine.   Like all of us,you can NEVER have pills around.  I think I'm fine,feel great,very happy...BUT,if someone put a bottle of pills in front of me...I'd go nuts I think.  I just don't ever want to test that AND the whole world knows !!!  So,I feel somewhat secure...but not cozy!!!!

Check out support groups...it will help a lot...you'll be fine.

V.  xo

[mommyshouldntbehere]

I know... but, now I'm all scared of NOT enjoying them.... and getting sick and something happening... like "that was the last time SHE did them" ugh, horrid!! :(  I can't even fathom if something happened to me b/c of this stupid choice.

what's good, is that they are gone. forever.

thank you, vicki for your help and support, and I am SOOOOOOOOOOO thankful.  I will look for help in the area and see what I can do. :)