GREAT!!!!

[amity_76]

Well I tell ya what I am trying to taper and all it seems as if life is doing is throwing my lemons guess it's up to me to make lemonade right? I know I have the choice of not to open up my mouth insert my pills and swallow, but Im so very sick of the struggle I don't care, I can t support my family on what I have , im behind on bills and this job even though out of my element would have helped temporaily. But apparently I don't fit in, not to sound bitter or high on myself caue I ain't at all I aint  but its a san francisco and they wanted us to dress up in costumes and show off well my first day I show up im the tiniest woman and they all looked at me with hate and omg , im not like that and then to top it off my former boss hired her friends and they are very huge women now wait im not like that I dont care what size  ya are its just why judge me and say I don't fit in not very good explanation, Im trying hard to take deep breathes and crossing fingers for this interview tomorrow, now my hubby who got hired will have another thing to hold over me and of course the women love him lmao... Im mad as heck right now but in my heart I didnt do nothing wrong and so be it , I dont fit in ...lol.... ;he is at the job now, hmmmm can only imagine what he will say to me when he gets home..looking like im single again and he got me in such a finacial binde not even funny... looking at the bottle looking great let me tell ya.................

[amity_76]

I tried that but im to over powering I guess , got the name of a good addictions Doctor here and am calling tomorrow right after my job interview, I really do want on the right track , it just isn't all bout pills its what is happening here at home, not so good, I know I effect others behaviours but when one doesnt let ya have freinds wants total control over your life, it is bad, thats abuse, he will never change , but I can , and I won't tolerate this around my children there mine, he is not the father. He is cruel with names not just to me but to my girl too, so enough is enough and yup i be sick when i do come off but won't last forever, cause I dont really feel that well now.....way to over board today, and its gonna take all i have to pull my *** outta bed tomorrow morning, I tried talking to husband I have reached out today got a great number and still ain't good enuff but ya wanna hear something funny, he wants me to buy him weed lmao....well no more Im gonna get healthy and gonna be strong, got my truck impounded, done lots wrong not that im an angel it takes 2, but i have never been this way , so he does bring out the worst in me, he thinks i am the only one with the problem and I aint . Like i said used to be full of life , then i became a prisoner to him and to myself NO MORE....TAKING IT ALL BACK....he packed his grocery bag of clothes thats all he brought into this marriage and left , I be ok... sad but will survive after all my kids rely on me and i need to get well...........just as the pills are poison to me so is he

[Punkinhead75]

In a post under "I just don't know anymore"  sept 20  11:05pm  you said you would give your pills to a friend.  How come you still have your pills?  Accepting responsibility for my addiction and taking right action is job #1.  Nobody came to my house and dragged me to a mtg.  I had to get up and go.  Nobody came to me and explained how live a better life.  I had raise my hand and ask questions.  Sobriety, serenity and happiness didn't just fall into my lap.  I had to work for them.  I'm keeping you in my prayers and wishing the very best for you and your family.  God Bless!!!!!

[Punkinhead75]

I'm not saying that your husbands behavior is acceptable, however it is worth trying to understand.  My wife is an alkie, addict and is bi-polar.  She would be up one minute then off the wall the next.  Flipping out over the smallest thing.  I used to be fairly mellow(going back 18yrs).  Eventually I started taking a lot of her swings personally.  That would cause me to get upset and angry and hurt.  Over time I got to the point where I had a hard dealing with her mood swings along with her binges.  I would drink to bury the anxiety and anger.  After while (yrs later) I was drinking and drugging heavily.  Addiction was running the show by now. Both our shows were being run by our own addictions and selfish behavior.  Being concerned only with what we were getting out of our relationship instead of what we could give.  We could not have a conversation without blowing up at each other.  Once we got cleaned up we cleared away a lot of the past and forgave each other,  however it was still hard for us to talk without the same old FU"s and cursing coming out of our mouths.  It was weird how we always said the same things.  It has taken quite a bit of time but we are able to talk and enjoy each other.  Sure , we sometimes still go at it.  We have learned to admit we are wrong and apologize.

The point I'm trying to make is that we are not the only sick ones in the house.  Our behavior can trigger bad behavior in others.  If my wife comes home and is "off the map" I have to work hard at not feeding into it. These are skills you man may not have yet. It took awhile for my wife to not see me as a raging drunk.  I was a raging drunk for so long that seeing me that way is a habit for her.  Just because we are ready to change doesn't mean the others around us can see us change.  Especially if we are still going "off the map" and using.

Keep coming and keep trying.  Give the pills to a neighbor.  Get some aftercare.  NA mtgs are FREE!!!!!  When I learned how to be calm during a storm then others around me could be calm too.  Thanks for sharing.

[skins21]

Another one cheeka

[mentalmary]

so what if your new job wants you to start the very next day...are ya gonna try it again at home?....whatever you think is best for you then i will support you(i know you dont know me but i mean every word)...and i mean whatever you REALLY think is best......i think some may have been confused about my earlier statement ..but i never suggested leaving your husband just step out out of yourself for a second and taking a hard look at whats really going on...and im not letting you off easy :) cause im doing this at home...and its horrible ..but i know it wont last forever and when its over...watch out world... i got faith that you will make the right choice for yourself...and if your not healthy how can you stick around for those babies...if ya need to talk im here

[amity_76]

thinking i will go to this job interview tomorrow and if my start date if i get hired is down the road then im going to detox, want a new life and detox with medical help and be done with this ... sick fo the med train and chasing the dragon, so much in my system now and im weak and fed up, THANK YOU TO YOU ALL, LOTS OF FOOD FOR THOUGHT AND I JUST NEED A PLACE TO GO, I GOT A GREAT GF SHE CAN LOOK AFTER MY KIDS IF I DECIDE TO GO TO A DETOX, DONT THINK I CAN DO THIS AT HOME, AS I CAN WALK OUT THE DOOR AND BUY AND TAKING TOO MANY PILLS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME NOMORE....