Barely survived temptation today

[Kbusymom]

Today a person who I used to get pills from off the street actually called me at work.  I didn't know it was her or I wouldn't have taken the call. I was shocked she called; she doesn't have a phone and the last time I saw her when I was using she told me she couldn't get anymore pills.  
So today she tells me she has Vicodin and asked if I could leave work and come see her right then.    I told her I couldn't, but I didn't tell her not to call again, etc.  I obsessed the whole rest of the day about it and got really mad at myself for not telling her no more firmly.  I
I went to a meeting tonight and talked with my sponsor about it.  Afterwards she told me I needed to realize that the call was just my disease  talking to me and that I had to let it go and not beat myself up about it.  She stressed that I should be proud  I said no and that if she calls me again I have to shut the door.  I still feel guilty and wanted to tell on myself here too.
We sure as hell need to keep our guards up, temptation can come unexpectedly at any time, for real.

[tigerlily75]

Girl you did good to just say no! And you stayed clean! It caught you off guard, but if she calls again, you will be ready and can tell her NO MORE! Great job!

[tooter212]

Sorry to hear about your friend My prayers go out to his family. There but for the Grace of God goes us. Stay strong and God Bless

[Kbusymom]

Thanks for all the support everyone!!  I was really beating myself up.  
I found out this morning on Facebook that one of my using buddies OD'd.  He's been missing since 11/15 and he was just found.  Really reminds to keep that guard up and the dangers of thinking about one more time...

[tooter212]

Way to go girl!!!!!! I hope I'm that strong. I've only had it offered to me once. It was my brother, I was in a lot of pain. But not near the pain I would be in if I had given in. I never want' to go through this again. Just keep that in mine. Proud of you!! God Bless

[Dane74]

GREAT job!! You are working it girl!!!  Hitting a meeting and talking with your sponsor was the perfect medicine that you needed.  Be PROUD of yourself..

[gnarly_1]

HI as addicts we all get temped, the difference of recovery opposed to white knuckling it is we dont have to pick up in the end it is a choice we make Aftercare is vital to help you make the right decision there will be more tests and more cravings coming get plugged in b/4 it is to late........................................Gnarly...............................................

[brandiroars386]

So proud of u. You stood up for yourself against evil AND spoke with your sponsor. Your rockin this!!

[dominosarah]

I am really glad you talked with your sponsor about this.  Hopefully this person will leave you alone now.

[Whollymolythathurt]

Way to stay strong K.  If she does call back you'll be just a little stronger to say no again and this time you can tell her not to bother...keep the chin up and don't beat yourself up over it.  

[VICourageous]

Hi..This is why I put that post up about Telling ALL about your disease can save your Life. Like I said I even told Hospice when they came in last week for my Mom..The meds are around and they are going to get stronger..WE ALL put a Plan together for my Safety as well..It is best to let it be said then to have some Temptation right up your nose that could be avoided..NOT ALL the time but it is better to be Safe then Sorry..YOU did good..SO keep it up..You did the right thing by going to a meeting and telling your sponsor..Way to go..Yahoooo for YOU..
Bless

[Sonrissa]

I understand. It is so hard to shut that door. Just stay strong, and if she calls back, then make sure and tell her, no more, ever!

:)

[Kbusymom]

Thanks for the support.  I can't call her because she doesn't have a phone; she used someone else's to call me.  You are so right, I don't want her to call back and catch me in a weak moment.  That's why I got so mad at myself for not shutting the door completely when she called.  I know part of me was scared to shut the door completely.  The finality of having no drs to call caught up to me a few weeks ago.  I was really anxious for a while.  It was like a child giving up their special blanky.  .  
It feels good to share about it; I can only pray I'll be strong enough to tell her no for good if I hear from her again.  

[Sonrissa]

Hi! It's great that you told your person no. Also great that you went to a meeting and discussed the situation with your sponsor. That was the healthy way to handle it. Can you call the person back and explain to her that you have quit for good, and that she shouldn't call you again and offer pills? I say that, because if she doesn't know,then she may call you again and catch you in a weak moment, or when you are having a bad day, and it will be easy to relapse. I would hate to see that happen. You've worked so very hard to get where you are today! What do you think?

You are doing awesome! Keep it up!