Good morning friends Day 4!

[nessyness]

Well let me say waking up and reading All of your posts from the night before had me smiling. God I love you guys! I never knew you could bond with people through a website....boy was i wrong! I feel ok right now im gonna try some lytrosine for energy and walk my neice up to the park to get me going for the day. I slept good last night the rls yeaterday kicked my arse so once i took the melatonin i was out like a light. I swear that stuff is a miracle. Im gonna try sleep without it tonight though. I go back to work tommorow im a little nervous, but one step at a time. I hear you matt on the whole relationship thing. I want to be in a more healthy place before i try and find my Knight in shining armour:) I wanna learn to love me first its been a long time since i have. well im gonna go try a small breakfast and get out for a bit. If you guys are still not sleeping go out and get the hylands and melatonin it helped me so much...........xoxoxox Nessa

[IBKleen]

Glad to hear you are feeling better. Each day will be better yet.

I suggest that you set yourself up with a good aftercare plan. The physical part of it is nearly over but the mental part never will be so engaging in aftercare will give you the tools to deal with that.

Enjoy your day!!

[salsinator]

Morning Ness - glad to see you back this morning and that you slept well last night.  One more day under your belt.  I am proud of you.  Have a great day today - enjoy life.  It's beautiful here today, I am going to enjoy some of the nice weather.

[TakingAction]

Morning all.  There is not a cloud in the sky here.  So nice out today.
I am continuing to feel better each day.  I do have some minor cravings and feel a bit sluggish.  All in all, not so bad.

Ok ness, you sound good.  Better than I was at your stage.  Keep pusing forward, love!  Let me know if ya need anything today.
*************************************************
Funny thing happened.  My phone rang and woke me up this morning.  It was the guy who supplied my pills after my doctor cut me off.  My dealer, in short.  I had told him that I am finished with them a few days ago.  He respected that decision and confided in me that he is on the subroxone (sp?)  program to battle his own addiction.  He needed a ride to the clinic and thought that I might understand and do that favor for him.  You would think I would want nothing to do with him, but I understood his struggle and obliged.  We had a nice conversation about sobriety and how we are both managing.  He has been clean for six months, though unfortunately is still slinging the stuff that almost killed him.  I can't really wrap my head around that choice, but know that he is living in poverty and lost part of his arm in a car accident a few years ago.

I could not find fault with him, or rather did not even care to.  I just saw a fellow addict in need of a favor to keep him clean.  It realized that I had nobody to blame for my addiction but myself, not even the dealer.

After these last two weeks, I thought this was a fitting thing to do; extend a hand without judgement to a man who shares my story.  I feel good about it and just wanted to share.

Good luck to everyone today.  You are in my thoughts.

[salsinator]

Morning Action - You are truely a strong person and a good friend to have done what you did for your dealer today.  That really took some conviction to say NO, but it also probably helped you to know that you are helping and supporting you friend.  Suboxone saved my life, but I am happy to be free of the bonds that it held on me for years.  Just be careful, relapse is very easy at this stage - for both of us.  

It is beautiful here today too - I live in Central VA - not far from you.  Enjoy your day.

[nessyness]

What you did is great. For many of us this addiction is so self absorbing, that reaching out to others is key to our sobriety. Im gonna call Belle today to see if there is something i can do for her.                                                                                          So i did have a scare this morning i took my neice to the park and beforhand had took the lytyrosine.......well halh hour later my chest felt like it was caving in my arms were prickling and i broke out into a sweat i thoght i was having heartatack all alone with my neice at the park she is only 2.....I called my mom right away she rushed up there thank god it was only 2 blocks away. It started subsiding my mom said it was my capilaries opening up. Holy **** that was scary anybody else ever experience this?                       IbeKleen im have a reffferal from my dr to talk to someone and a friend who goes to AA wich i will inqire about this week.                                                                                Well it is beautiful out here today to and im gonna try and enjoy it........Sending love to you all..........Nessa

[TakingAction]

Thanks.  I never considered him a friend until today.  Strange how that worked out, huh?

I know what you are saying about the relapse possibility.  I may be giving off a false sense of confidense sometimes, but I am fully aware of the vunlerability just under the surface.  Yesterday was the worst day of cravings I ever had.  I would have used had I not kept my butt in the chair and stayed on this forum.  I can only take it as it comes and hope that it sticks.  You all have been so important in keeping me straight.

Enjoy this day!
<matt

[nessyness]

This is gonna sound Dumb but how do i make correct paragraphs on this thing lol!

[TakingAction]

That sounded like the start of a panic attack.  Just your mind responding to all the stress of this situation.  They are terrifying when they are happening.  But they will not hurt you.  Its a fact.  Remember that.

If it happens again, immediately take a walk and breathe very deeply.  Concentrate only on your breathe.  It usually stops it in it's tracks.

Don't stress, ur good!

<Matt

[dominosarah]

Congrats on day 4 nessy!!  Keep moving forward like you are doing and stay positive.  

It is a beautiful day in Minnesota....The sun is shining and the birds are singing.   sara

[TakingAction]

I dont know whats up with the format you got going on there.  Try adding a double space in there.  But who cares, nobody noticed till you said something!

[Reality_Check]

I am up myself now, groggy!  Hell, haven't even got out of bed yet. Well grabbed coffee to just lay back down to wake up. You sound better today than yesterday already believe it or not girl. Keep mind occupied, stay busy, stay here, do whatever floats the sobriety boat, even for a second. As you can see all of us buddies are here promptly when we get up - being in PST it's just 8am for me. Format, we dont care if u spell backwards here.....we're here! Stay positive and welcome to the huge day 4 start. The sun rirses another day, right?

[salsinator]

Hi All,

Just wanted to make a comment on cravings - I read your post Matt about cravings you had yesterday and it made me realize that in my 100 days of sobriety, I have not really experienced a craving at all.  I know that is strange and that I could be the exception to the rule - guess I am lucky.  

I also wanted to take this time to do a little bragging - I am so proud of myself.  I am in the medical device business - head up marketing for my company.  I was in San Francisco a week ago for a hand surgery show and when we travel to meetings like this, we will often entertain surgeons and sales people.  This means dinners, drinking, and sometimes hitting the bar afterwards.  I was so proud of myself, it would have been so easy to drink, but I maintained with little difficulty. My entire staff knows that I am in recovery and they all totally support me.  In situations where people were drinking, I would have a non-alcoholic beer or something else.  I don't need the alcohol to fit in or have fun.  I am so thankful for the support and I have found that when I share with others that I am in recovery - the respect that I get and even congratulations are wonderful.

Thanks for letting me share.

Ness - try hitting the enter key - that should give you a new paragraph.

[nessyness]

Well im gonna shower and make myself look pretty today...and get out for a bit minus the panick attack haha!     Love you guys!

[Reality_Check]

oh and hey Matt add me as a friend or I'm driving to Baltimore from west coast just to kick u in the squash! heh hope you all are ok this morning. Great deal you did for your friend. AWESOME! Proud of you, all of you

[Dopamine0780]

Good for you nessyness, I give you credit, the week I quit I was on vaca for work, planned it that way and I know the epic lack of motivation that comes from wd's, especially the first week.  Keep it up and you should be feeling better real soon!!!

[nessyness]

Thank so much for the support! Today im feeling alive for the first time in a loong time..because of support from people like you and my 2 new best friends Brian and Matt.;)  I know there will be pitfall and when there are i will reach out for help rather than fall in the damn hole again........Nessa

[Reality_Check]

We feel the same way Nessy

[TakingAction]

Hope everyone is doing well today.  It seems like that is the case, at least in this thread.

I hate to jinx us, but how the hell are we all doing so good?  What happened to the sheer misery that brought us together in the first place?  I am scared that this could be the calm before the storm for some of us.  

Time for a public servie announcement from your resident happy homo-  
The risk of relapse becomes much higher once we finish the initial detox!  Let us all proceed with caution and a realistic view of how vulnerable we really are.  If we get caught up in "feeling so much better already", we run a huge risk of becoming complacent and downplaying the consequence of "just one more."

I am so grateful for all of the support here, and I think we are all headed for huge success.  But I let us never forget the lack of self control that landed us here in the first place.

And that was me venting!  I am just feeling so good that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

RealityCheck.  You wanna go, cuz I'll cut a *****!  Lol.  Of course I count you amongst my homies round here!  Glad to have met such amazing people such as yourself!

Take care all.  Matt

[TakingAction]

Hey girl.  Glad to see you managed to shake off that anxiety and do some positive things today.  I don't think you have mismanaged a single obstacle so far.  You just keep bobin and weavin'!

To the left, to the right...

Oh and what's with Brian?  I sure hope he's still straight.


Matt

[nessyness]

I know I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hopefully if it does its Prada lol! I felt amazing earlier. I still feel good however but for awhile i felt weirdly high but not the drug induced kind, unless the multi vitamis did it haha! I will be dilligently looking for the (.)(.) traps... When they come up i will post or call a friend. Na or AA is something im considering im a little scared i get a little shy around new people. Or maybe that was drug induced paranoia. Anyways im gonna enjoy watching the MTV music awards tonight sorry no football for me lol!   Love you guys!   Nessa

[nessyness]

Yeah hes straight.. Didnt you know! Haha Kidding earlier he was on and doing good.. Oh and why havent you excepted my friend request!!! Do it now! ..Hugs Nessa

[corey411]

Congratulations on day 4 Nessa. That was always the day when I felt better too. Going to NA or AA is a great idea. You can start out by going to a speaker meeting so you don't have to talk. If you go to a discussion meeting many people will say "I pass" or "I'm just going to listen" You will feel good after you go. Keep posting. Corey

[IBKleen]

Nessy...so glad to hear you are hooking up with meetings!

TakingAction: Since you basically hijacked the thread I will address you here. To be real honest...that was a bad move. You don't have the time or the tools to help someone else get clean and you are fooling yourself if you think you do. The disease of addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful and the mental part of it is just kicking in for you right now, or will be real soon.

You said he is living in poverty. So he needs the money? Is he really a friend who would say no if you offered to buy some? Keep hanging with him and I promise you will use before he gets clean.  

The reason why you are doing so good is the "pink cloud" effect. I hate to burst that cloud for ya but best you know up front.

I can't say it enough...Aftercare, Aftercare, Aftercare!

[nessyness]

My thread is our thread you have never hijaked it. I think you are to be commended for what you did it took strength and yes risk to yourself. By the way belle is doing bad today she cant get on the computer to post i took her some stuff that helped me. Im having her update me via tex... so i can help.  It feels good to give back and not just be concerned about myself wich is what i did while using..........love ya matt stay strong hon....Nessa