HELP!!! Methadone and Sex Drive

[hc765]

My bf has been on methadone for his heroin addiction for a little over a year, but for the last 4 months we have not had sex (and rarely the months before that). I have heard that methadone lowers sex drive, and he has also gained some weight, which  makes him feel insecure (but he knows that I think he's sexy regardless of weight). This is obviously hard for me to handle (considering we had great sex before this) but the parts which completely baffle me are 1) that he occasionally still has sex dreams (he is a sleeptalker :X), which I would assume wouldn't happen if he has no sex drive and 2) the fact that the other day I saw that he had been looking at porn online. Why would he be looking at porn if he doesn't have any sex drive?! This is hitting me pretty hard and I really don't understand it. I used to consider myself a pretty attractive person but it's really eating at my slef-esteem because I feel like his sex drive has only decreased to the point where he is only turned on by that slutty, porn star look. Does he really not have a sex drive or is it that his normal looking gf can't do it for him anymore?! If any guys can help explain what this all means or if any girls have been through this... HELP!

[mr.lucky66]

Porn is also an addiction and he may be trying to stimulate himself. From being on methadone for many years and now free, I can tell you the sex will stop and things in his life in gereral will probably get worse. Methadone, there'e no future in it! all the best

[IBKleen]

Here you go hun..I thought this may help you:

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/show/119

[allaboutmary]

Gotta agree with Mr. Lucky on this.  Please get this out in the open with him before it eats you up.  It's not healthy for you to be blaming yourself. Been there done that.

[Calzy]

The m'done can lower testosterone level and leave him low on energy, so he might want to get a blood test. It could just be the m'done leaving him feeling blab and maybe tired all the time or wore out by the time he gets home. He may also dealing with issues from his addiction and adding some stress in his life and you said the weight gain bothers him also and may need some kind of counseling. As far as the porn, he may be just trying to get back in form, you may have to get some hand-cuffs and a whip...lol.

[verdigo]

Hi just thought I'd add a little to this post. I have had a severe decrease in sexual drive and I'm currently addicted to oxy around 100mg a day and my drive is almost completely gone. Before I got addicted I could be ready to go every time the wind blew. Please don't take it personal but he is really probably feeling like his is a faliure as a man because of the loss of sex drive. As for the porn on the web. I think he probably is looking for something hardcore or over the top so that he can get himself worked up so he can please you better and may be trying to get his drive stimulated. When you drive is really low sometimes it takes something a little over the top or haredcore to get you going. I can say with honesty I have done the same thing only trying to get myself ready to get with my wife. So it is deffinantly the drug doing it to him. I have asked alot of people and done a lot of reading on the matter myself and that is the conclusion I have come up with. I have heard a lot of good things about suboxone treatment for herion and oxy opiate addicts maybe he could switch to that instead.
Good luck
Verdigo

[hc765]

thank you so much for everyones posts! they really help!

[lucyred68]

when i was on done i had no sex drive.  it came back with a vengeance when i got off. in fact i was hornier than ever!!  let him know that you understand that it is the drug that has stolen it.  maybe that is what it will take to wake him up and get him to get help quitting.

[WantCoHelp]

Methadone is the worst opiate to come off of.  He can be permanently of opiates if he considers ultra rapid detox. 2 years worth of methadone is what it would cost and he can get a naltrexonee implant to prevent him from doing it again.  Check this out rapiddrugdetox.com  .  THey are the cheapest and the best. good luck

[mr.lucky66]

Sometimes you have to make a choice, do you want sex-love or dope? Do you want to be a feel good zoombie or be a man or woman? I made the wrong choice many times and paid but no more. all the best

[Irritated371]

my husband is on methadone too!! Im having the same probs and hes in denial that its the methadone he trys to tell me he thinks there is something really wrong with him. Im tired of it !! Last year i wrote down every time we had sex and jan 08 i added it up and we had sex 8 times in 12 months when we used to at least once a day .. Im ready to leave him becasue hes never gonna quit taking the pills and thats his whole life. He is so not intrested in me one bit .. I have tryed everything. I am to the point where i am starting to feel like i dont wanna be with him because he makes me feel like im begging for some booty call. Its just lame and im young 32 i dont need to spend the rest of my life with a man that has no desire to try and even quit these damn pills.

[Irritated371]

Oh yeah and my hubby has been taking these pills for 6 years now.. I left him because of them in 2005 and we were split up and he went to rehab and said he was on his way to recovery i thought so as he was very sexual with me for about 2 months then all of sudden i see a decline in the sex and see him sweating and having all the symptoms of being back on them and sure enough he found someone else to prescribe to him... Not sure what to do here ?? Im lost and i absolutley love having sex!!!! How is this ever gonna work he does not see a prob at all he is completly happy being high and not having sex and freaks when i bring it up

[Navydoc69]

Seems to me that you're husband has already shown you his hand not once but twice and you' didn't win.  Addiction is a horrible thing, but it's a choice that clearly your husband has made.  He chooses his drugs over his marriage.  So you've got two choices and that's either to accept him as he is or end the marriage and move on with your life while you're still young and able to land another man...

[Oxyidiot]

It is forsure the pills . I have been clean for 52 days now & im back to normal although my wife has slowed down from me not wanting to have sex when i was on the pills . But she is comming around slowlyLMAO . Before i quit the pills inever wanted to & didnt care how much she begged bitched didnt matter . Now my wife  thinks  im a sex addict which i guess is better than a pill head .

To  Irritated371 if you could get your hubby to see  this forum maybe he would come around & see it really is the pills . Or you could always find somone else if he doesnt wake up . Not that im telling you to do that !!!

[Coolio Hernendez]

The porn thing doesnt mean anything.....When im on pills i have no desire to have sex....But for some reason i still look at some porn......It dose not have anything to do with my wife.....

[nursealsoaddictedtooxy]

When my bf and I first started doing oxy's our sex was great we could go on for hours but it soon got to the point that we just couldn't come so we just gave up all together. Besides sex was the farthest thing from your mind when you are hooked on opiates you more concerned about getting sick and going through withdrawls. You become totally preoccupied about where the next pill is coming from. I am on methadone now and I must admit my sex drive has gone down but not completely away and he is still using the oxy's and his sex drive is about the same as mine we have sex maybe once a week or two. And when we finally do it's pretty good. I'm not sure how the methadone would affect his sex drive sometimes mine is way higher than his. so who knows. Sex drive is an issue with a lot of methadone users though.

[nursealsoaddictedtooxy]

It may affect the men differently than the women.

[Irritated371]

Im started to think that my hubby is just not attracted to me anymore.. I am beginning to get really mean towards him because im so sexually frusterated.. I cant even stand to be around him and i feel that he thinks this is all funny... Everytime i have a talk with him he says "it's not you its me and i dont know what my prob is but im sooooo attracted to just dont think sex is very important" I know for sure it has to be that he is taking 3 wafers a day. Its killed not only his sex drive but his freaking personality too. I just want my husband back or a divorce.. I am not really that over weight and im not ugly!!!! I dont think he wants to come off them either he enjoys them

[GoingToMakeIt]

Have you tried an Al-Anon meeting? I bet this is a far more common problem than you think.

[Irritated371]

No cant even get him to talk to me he thinks im just obsessed with bitching at him.. Everytime i try to talk to him he just runs the other direction and ignores me .. We actually were just trying to discuss the issues and he grabbed his keys and left. That is after the fact that he came home with flowers for me which i could care less about because that is his way of saying i love you but still not giving you any sex... What is wrong with men that care more about themselves than there wives.. Guess im not important to him.. We used to have amazing sex and we have had sex 3 times since jan 08 which is just not doing it for me........... Im losing my mind here and tired of being called a ***** and nag because i wanna discuss how it makes me feel...............When we have had sex its nothing like before it last  a whole 2min then hes done and could careless if i even ***.. He says sorry couldnt help it . He is no longer into foreplay or different positions and basically his attitude is lets just get this over with so you will quit harassing me Then another 3 months goes by and start nagging again because i have patiently waited and tried to wait for him and i come to realize if i wait for him i will never ever get any.....He makes me feel like **** about myself and i used to have great self esteem and now i have ZERO it does not help that i used to be a frequent tanner and ended up getting cancer (melanoma) from tanning and luckily caught it had surgery and its gone but that has also given me low self esteem with all the scars but just happy and lucky to be alive.. Im so confused and he is also very controlling and does not let me do anything with friends cuz he is worried i will cheat which if things stay like this i dunno it might happen cuz i refuse to be 32 and spend the rest of my life married to a man who does not want to have sex or intamcy ... It is somewhat important in a relationship and we have been married ten years... Any advice from any of you would be greatly apprecited. He just told me that i should not be talking to anyone about our probs and that this is noones business and that he does not care to read this **** cuz thats all it is. Is this marriage just over???? Am i being a *** for wanting my hubby to sleep with me and just show some emotion.. He actually has no emotions either... and constnaly complains of being weaty all the time and i tell him its the pills and he denies it K Thanks all of that are being so supportive

[GoingToMakeIt]

I do hear your frustration. Please get some counseling for yourself. A counselor can help you figure out how to resolve these problems and what to do next.

[Burrpatch]

Man , I'm glad I'm single!

[lonely_LOST]

this sounds like me andmy hubby we rarely ever have sex its bee four months now. i too started to wonder whats wrong with me. i tryed sexy nighties everything he didnt even notice. doesnt matter how much i complain he doesnt seem to even care. it is pulling us a part i love him dearly and never want to leave but fear temptation will get the better of me eventually

[Navydoc69]

There's more to life than just sex...Anyways it seems to me that what the real issue for you is that it's not just the sex it's that he's not punching your value card...When someone is addicted they're checked out of reality and unless you can find away to get their attention then you're going to be the one who continues to get hurt.  My advice is to write the man a letter and tell him how you feel and what you want from him.  Then you must also include a consequence if he's not willing to meet your terms and stick with it.  Leave him the letter and if you can leave and go stay with a friend or a relative for at least two weeks to give him the opportunity to see how life would be without you around for a little while...Maybe this will wake him up or maybe not, but regardless you've got to be prepared to accept the outcome.  

[chopper841]

sounds really familiar I was always ready for sex and had a great sex life before methadone (opiates) now that I'm off I have that normal thing that happens in the morning for a man "Ya Know" when I wake up it took 17-18 days clean for that then my sex drive came back stronger then ever.  Ladies it's not you it's the drug I speak from experience hang in there and remember that.  

[mero_vero1606]

Me and my man have a real good relationship. The only thing is methadone. He drinks it everyday @ the clinic, and he wants to stop, but I am affraid he'll go back to his old habit. He had a lot of sex with a lot of women and I am 16 yrs younger than him, and I have a long sex drive, we would have outstanding sex till he increased his dosage, now he lowered it to 70, and the sex got worse. He would take 100 before, now I feel it's me, not to mention he threw me off him and ran to the shower, and not even try to explain why? I love him, and I know he wants to quit. But I also know he was a player. I don't want to loose him, but I will not be played a fool again by any man. He knows I'm slick, and a woman knows if her man is cheating. I am 100% devoted to him and I hear these old broads flirting with my man, and if he quits and wants sex? He better get it from me, I am 43 and know how to make love real good. And for these broads flirting with my man, back off! We have a good thing, and I am sexually fustrated walking time bomb ready to go off and I can do damage!!

[bumbles69]

ok a lot of you woman on here sound really navie. My husband and i have both had our fair share of drug problems. His problems were worse than mine and he ended up joining the methadone clinic. And his sex drive did drop drastically. We  were use to having sex everyday and well it dropped to just a couple times a month. And at first ill admit i thought somthing was wrong. Even perhaps that he was cheating on me. And it caused me to withdraw from him and im ashamed to say it caused my drug use to spiral out of control. He was still very loving to me and tried to explain everything but i was to pig headed to hear him out. And from past experiences when a man stopped having sex with me he was getting it eleswhere. But he really wasnt. But my herion use became so heavy i almost od everyday. He begged and pleaded with me to join the methadone clinic with him so i wouldnt end up dying. Well i finally gave in and joined. And guess what it did help me fight the herion cravings but it really does decrease ur sex desire drastically!! So its not just a guy thing, it happens to girls too. So yea now we both have lower sex drives and that is an issue we work on. But we love each other and our lives our so much better without being on the herion. And for someone to leave someone for being on methadone( if there really on it to help themselves) is ridiculous and selfish. Now i understand all this. And relationships arent all about sex anyway at least they arent suppose to be. True love can work through any issues. i hope this helps someone understand what their man may be going  through and perhaps save some relationships.

[ams1234]

Hi my partner has been taken heroin for I would say 4 years (injecting from Jan till April this year) and crack.  He also took Spice.  I have known him since teenagers and I wanted to help him and now are in a relationship. I have never ever dealt with anyone on drugs so I have no idea about it all but we haven't had sex.  We have come close to it but he cant seem to stay hard for long he says.He is now on Mathadone since April 65mls.  He literally dont have any sex drive.  What I wanted to know is when he comes to start reducing will his sex drive come back.  He wants to maybe try reducing by 10mls in a few weeks time.