Hi there- I'm sorry it's taken awhile for a response...That baby daddy is a big, fat bully!! He's abusing you and manipulating you. Don't let him scare you! And tell him to go right ahead and "turn you in"...he'll look like a fool! Who's he going to call? The police? The pharmacy? Where is his proof??
Ignore his threats and think about getting away from him...it's very unhealthy for you and the kids to live with a creep like that. And there's no way he can take your kids away over this. He can't prove a thing! You're clean now, right? Are you getting any recovery support?
Let us know how you're doing, okay?
Hey! I'm sorry for your situation. If he doesn't have the original scrip or the bottle this sounds like hearsay at best. Also, it sounds like this was awhile ago. If he ever brought you in and you're clean, all that you'd have to do is explain the situation and what he's been doing to get his own way. Unless you are still connected to dealers or pharmacies/Drs in an illicit way, I really find it difficult to believe they'd be interested in this past incident. From my read on what you posted, they'd be more likely to look at him askance for holding this over a frightened family member's head who's gotten her act together. It seems kind of low to me. Any chance of getting away from this guy?
Hello there, and welcome! It's great that you're reaching out for help!
This man is abusive, make no mistake about it. People who love one another do not threaten and blackmail their partner as a way to control them, and that's exactly what he's doing. You would be smart to get away from this man.
As for the forgery, that's a tough call. While I mostly agree with the ladies above that he may not be able to even prove anything, or get anyone to listen to his complaint, anything is possible. It would be a difficult decision for you to make, but one option would be to take his power completely away from him by "coming clean" to the dentist yourself. How long ago did this happen, and was this a one time occurence only, or did you forge any other scripts?
That would be great, if you could tell him..."listen buddy, your threats are meaningless to me, as I've told them MYSELF what happened". Even if you could find a way to convincingly TELL him you confessed to the dentist and it's been handled, without having to actually do it...that would be wonderful. Most likely, if it was long enough ago, there would be really no way to prove it, not unless there are texts or voicemails where you're admitting to it. It would be his word against yours. I'm just offering one scenario, thinking aloud, I'm not telling you that turning yourself in (to anyone) is a reasonable option for you at thing point.
You've gotten clean, and are moving forward with your life, this man is unhealthy for you to have around. The very things he is doing threatens your sobriety.
I certainly understand you probably really don't want to open a can of worms confessing something like this, especially if it was a while ago, but man, it would be so great to take the wind right out of his sails doing that, if you knew there would be no action taken.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation...PLEASE give a LOT of thought to getting him out of your life. Sadly, you'll always be connected to him because of the kids, but YOU do not need to put up with this nonsense. You do NOT deserve that.
I'd call his bluff, tell him that you are NO longer afraid of him, and his threats mean nothing to you. You could also say that the police would be very interested in knowing why he has not reported this all of this time, but instead chose to do so in an attempt to punish and control you. That takes away the "good citizen" aspect of him going to the police. If he really wanted to do the "right thing" as he would probably claim by telling on you, he would have done it long ego. If you have any text messages with his threats, or voicemails, save them. IF he ever DID go to the authorities, you would have lots of proof that he is doing this as a form of abuse and blackmail. I'm curious, you said he was a "narc", what other things has he been involved in where he has been a "narc"? Does HE have any criminal history himself? Is he an addict also?
Best of luck to you, congrats on getting clean, be very proud of yourself! Addicts do a lot of things they are not proud of as a way to get their drug of choice. It doesn't make you a bad person, you were ill...and it's in the past. The MOST important thing is, you're clean and have moved on.
Are you getting any aftercare? What is baby daddy's profession?
he is definately a bully....we are not together anymore because we cant get along. when we were together we would fight to the point of physical and both have asssault charges on each other. in the county he lives in the cops know him by first name so when he would threaten to keep the baby from me before he knew about me forging the prescription i could call the cops til i was blue in the faceand they would do nothing about it, beacuse he is on the birth certificate...im pretty sure state law says we have to hacve been married or him dna tested before he could keep her from me, (off subject,sorry) but the only proof that he has that i did this was me confessing that i did...and it was back in february i think...but since he works with the cops bustin people for drugs i guess he thinks hes gonna do it to me too...im clean now, and im also 23 wks pregnant.
tell him to go ahead and tell and ask him does he want to see his childrens mother be in jail go ahead. Call him on his bluff If he does its been so long ago they probably wont even do anything. If they do come tell them the situation you were an addict and thats when you did this and since then you have went to rehab and has been cleaned. I am telling you 9 times out of 10 times he's just bluffing to get you to do what he wants.
i do have SEVERAL text messages of him threatenin to turn me in, last night for example, i have not taken him to court for child support. he only has as much custody as i give him over the 2yr old child, so i split custody with him giving him 4 days with her and me 4 days with her, last night i called to say i would be there at 3 tomoro (today) to pick her up since i drp=opped her off at 3, he says he has to "work" (who actually knows if he is) and that i need to wait til he gets off work to come get her. i disagreed and said i would be there at 3 (i drop her off and pick her up from his(parents) house because he has no drivers license(hasnt had one in 7yrs) and does not have a vehicle to drive her in (unless his brother stops by), after i made him mad by saying i had things to do and i was picking her up th same time i dropped her off i recieved a txt message saying " i am not threatening you i am turning you in tomorow so the is no more of this. i ask you nice and try to get along but you wont try back. so i am sorryfor doing what i need to do." its his way or the highway. another txt says:" no mor talkin to you i am takin action from now own and you feel free to do the same! i am turning you in on changing your tabs and calling you p.o. i take care of my child nd thats why she is like she is with me." every time something dont go his way this is how it turns out.
if i go to my dentist and tell him what i did, and tell him that i realized i had a problem and went to rehab and i am now clean, what are the chances of him pressing charges? i dont really want to go to jail 6 mo pregnant....
he works with the police to set up drug dealers and put them in jail...yet he goes to the dr each month to get his tabs, which he does not take but SELLS to make money...he wont tell me who he deals with an actually tried to tell me he wasnt getting em any more but when you dont take your child to the dr to get her shots becaurse you have a drs appt on the same day, something sounds like he would make more money by cancelling her app(which he never rescheduled) and going to the dr himself.
ive got to do something about this. i cant handle him hanging stuff over my head anymore. i am seriiously considering IF he brings her back today NOT GIVING MY CHILD BACK TO HIM. he would have to take me to court. he knows i am almost done with my probation (simple poss charge last june) and that ive done really good paying ahead and never failing a drug test, showing up on time, truth be told i love my po she is the sweetest, but if he finds a way to turn me in its gonna violate my probation. HE IS ALSO ON PROBATION because he wont pay the fines he recieved when he broke my nose last july and i dismissed assault charges so he wouldnt get in trouble (LIKEAN IDIOT) so all he got was court cost, but he didnt get it paid so he got put on Probatuion...
this is all so tiring to me....im sorry that this is so long but its easier tounderstand from my point if you get most of the situation im in....thank you all for the post and suggestions!
i have looked for a few NA meetings but i have not gone, i hame going to Centerstone for depression treatment and they know about my addiction and help with support ideas there...but i still would like to go to NA.
he says he dont care if i go to jail because he "is doing what he has to do so he dont have to argue with me anymore" ...he is bipolar, one day he says he loves me and the next time i make him mad he says he is putting me in jail. he knows it will violate my probation, so to keep him from doin anything until i can figure out if i want to confess to the dentis(which deep down i realllllly do) i told him just to bring her to me when he gets off work just to make him happy...but ive seriously consideredd not letting him have her back and goin to court for child support... as horrible as he is to me he really is a good daddy tho, and i think a child deserves her mom just as much as her dad, but him threatening me like this makes me just want to take her form him....
You poor thing. I've been in these situations. To tell the truth, these kind of men rarely take action. They just enjoy watching you squirm and getting a reaction out of you. He enjoys the fight even though he says he doesn't. If you let him know he is getting under your skin, he wins. Like the others say, call his bluff. Tell him to go ahead and do what he thinks he needs to do. I honestly think his cop friends will wonder why he didn't say something when he found out? And then they will want some kind of evidence which means contacting the pharmacy and dentist. I highly doubt they will take proactive action unless the pharmacy or dentist contacts them. You are very low on their priority list of drug offenders, IMO. Also, he could call the pharmacy and dentist offices to report a suspicion...but if you tell him to do that, you already spoke to them, is he really going to risk embarrassing himself by calling? They aren't going to talk to him about you because of HIPPA laws. In the meantime, I would give some thought about letting the Dentist or Pharmacy know so you can feel free of the weight. Your coming clean about it will weigh highly in your favor. Especially in light of your rehab since then.
Oh boy, so he's a drug dealer basically? That's almost funny. Tell him he's more than welcome to notify the police, and you feel maybe you should do the same, as you have a whole bunch of proof that he sells drugs.
Then tell him that his threatening days are over. Bye bye. Take him to court for child support and go to family court for official, set in stone visitation. My guess is, he won't be compliant with either, which just gives you MORE power.
Take the power back sweetie. You said his name is on the BC. That doesn't mean a man is the father. Is he the father of these kids, for sure? If not, hello paternity test!! Is the baby you're carrying his?
He's nothing but a creep. You've got way more on him than he has on you. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but definitely get busy getting everything on paper for your children's sakes.
he is most definately the father of the 2yr old....looks so much like him i cant event tell them apart in baby pix....as for the one im carrying now, i pray to GOD that she is not his too....there is a very slight possibility that she is not...but i think what im gonna have to do is come clean to the dentist. I just called his dad and he said that babys daddy is at work and that i could come get the baby, so thats a relief, i think my next step is gonna be to go straight to the dentists office and have a little chat with him, confess what i did, let him know that i did go to rehab and i realize what i did was wrong and if he wants to discharge me as a patient i completely understand, if he keeps me then just not to prescribe me any typpe of narcotic. and pray he dont want to press charges....i think since all this happened in jan/feb and its april now that hopefully he will accept my apologies and pray for my recovery....as of now thats all i can do is pray...but getting this off my chest will feel amazing and even more amazing when baby daddy trys to threaten me again and i can blow it in his face....i told him last night he would regret doing this to me and i meant it. i serioiusly do not want to give the baby back to him and i know i dont have to, but he lives with his parents and the baby loves her papa so much it breaks my heart to take her away frpm her papa....i guess im gonna have top keep thinkin on that one but at least i will have this taken care of and he has nothing more to hold over my head! thank you so much for the advice and support!!
Honestly your doing him a favor. You guys weren't married so if you went to court the most he would get is every other weekend visits. I think everyone gave you great advice. Even if the cops/court got involved I really think all they would do is extend your probation. What else can they do since your clean. With this creep constantly trying to get you in trouble I would make sure you work extra hard to stay clean. I also would only talk to him in regards to the child you have together and say nothing more. Good luck I hope things work out in your favor :)
Oh My! I missed the part about him selling...LOL!! Now that's too funny!!
I had an ex that I went through a similar situation where I threatened to call his Dr and tell him that he was abusing his meds. He tried to call my bluff and tell him that he called and told them I might try to do something like that. My response was 'I had already talked to them and they were expecting you to call and say something like that". Boy was he mad!!! Of course I never did, but the look on his face was priceless and worth calling the bluff over. :)
i chickened out...i didnt talk tomy dentist....i really want to but its a FEDERAL offense...if i can keep him under control until after im off probation in like a month and a half then i may have more guts to confess....but i talked to 3 ppl who said i could confess and talk to the dentist and might be ok, but i talked to one person who said defffffinately do not do it cuz the are cracking down so hard on pills...that one person made me scared that i may actually get in trouble...i didnt change the amout of the pills, i only got 16, but i added a 7. to the 5mg that he prescribed to make them 7.5s...at the time it didnt sound like it was completely wrong but as soon as i did it i automatically wished i hadnt done it...still do...i just dont know what my chances are of really getting in trouble or not considdering its a federal offense and id end up with a felony...im too scared, but if he mentions it again im tempted to call his bluff and just say i did turn myself in anyways just to see if he would lay off...he did give me the baby back today and i didnt have to wait til he got off work, i called his dad to see what time he got off and he told me that he said he wasnt gettin off til 7 and i could come get her, so i did....i just really dont want to give her back to him seein as he could just as easily keep her from me as i could from him....i give him too much leeway and too much power over me... i just dont want to cause too much drama for the baby...even though she is with his parents more than him...and his parents said that they would talk to his brother and have his brother try to talk some sense into him bout bullyin me since he listens to his brother...i jst dunno what i would do if he did keep her from me, id blame myself for knowin better...sometimes kindness gets you nowhere...
JB- I would keep quiet from now on about the 7.5 change...no more talking to anyone about. NO ONE can prove you changed that number. NO ONE. The time to question it was when it was filled and obviously the pharmacy didn't notice anything. That guy is such a puke! He cannot do a thing to you.
Listen, just play the thing out...Is he going to tell the cops? Then what? You think they'll come and arrest you? No way. There's no evidence!
Keep your little girl with you until you go to court, too. He uses her as a pawn,to bully you! It's wrong. You DO have a lot of power and don't forget it!
Now...Shhh...remember what you did as a lesson learned and the heck with HIM! Talking to the dentist is risky, as well...Just be strong and stand up for yourself and don't feed into his texts and phone calls for a few days...
Get some rest now...
thank u vicki! and everyone else!
The only response i would give to him when he is threatening you is do what you have to do and let it go. He is using this child as a pawn. Dont play into that hand. You continue with your recovery and focus on your babies. Karma is alive and well and coming for him~
Definitely do not give him the baby back at this point. You are doing all the right things and honestly, I thought about this a bit and he is the one in the wrong. He is dealing drugs and trying to have something to hold over you so he can bring you down to his level. It bothers him tremendously that you are moving in the right direction and are clean. That doesn't allow him any opportunity to hold something over you except some trumped up hearsay about you changing a dose on a scrip. I'm agreeing now that not bringing it up to your dentist at this point is the best. Let him think you did. What's he going to do, tell the cops he doesn't believe you told your dentist? *rolls eyes* In the meantime, I understand you don't want to keep your baby from her grandparents. Can you look into getting some kind of protective order to keep baby daddy away from you and daughter? That way she can still go see her pappa and you will feel safe about it. Just a thought. You do what you think you need to do. I'm thinking of you sweetie!
good 4 u 4 going 2 rehab ,thats the first step off taken action 2 get urself clean ,so he cant do fk all if ur getting urself clean and ur kids r looked after .i no sum addicts loose control off der life ,its sounds 2 me u still have hold ur life i havent heard off of those stuff u,ve taken wat is the drug ur stuck on
Hi does your PO know he is a nark?? First I would do like the above said and tell him to kiss off...You can tell him that you will tell All, that he snitched these people off and they are in Jail..BUT that would get him hurt real bad..No one likes a Narc..Sorry..Maybe just throw it back at him..HE is a punk and I would like to kick his a***.. You are in Recovery now and this is the kind of Drama or Stress that is a big bad Trigger..You will be fine about the scrip I am sure..Because the Pharmacy is the one that can get in trouble too!!!! They are to check these things out carefully..You have alot of time on your side and are no longer getting the pills..Does your PO know that He has been selling his? I will tell you speaking from experience, I know he would be in more trouble Selling them, then you would altering a scrip.. Oh this make me mad. Using the Kids as Tool..I have seen it to many times...
God be With You and Your Kids..