my partner is a coke addict - how can i help him

[bonnie1182]

Hi. im in desperate need of some help.
here is an outline of my situation:

I got with my partner16 months ago. life was rosey. in may last year we decided to move intogether, renting. after 5  onths are andlord wanted the houose back so we had to find somewhere else to live. this caused a lot of stress for both of us however i was unaware of the full situation till this point. my partner had his own business and as far as i was aware it was all going well. however unfortunatly it wasn't and it was at this stage that i found out some of the bills and rent he should of been paying had not been paid!!!!!
we ended up moving and things got worse.
he had told me previously that he had used cocain recreationally on nights out but that had stopped when he metg me as he knew i didn't agree with it and we didn't really do that sort of clubbing scene. a lot of his mated did the same.
a month into our new place, we went to a friends bbq. he ended up loosing it for no reason and threw me ito a wall. i wasn't seriously hurt. he was beside himself over what had happened and the following day he had a breakdown. it was a sunday, i didnt know what to do so i just looked after him myself and did the best i could till the following day when i got him a doctors appointment. i found out a lot of stuff on this day like things had got that bad for him that he had planned his suicide, he had previously been in rehab for his drugs and he had had a previous breakdown.
we sought NHS help which was v slow and crap adn in the subsequent months his business went into liquidation and he went bankrupt. i stood by him and did the best i could as the depression kicked in. the anger got worse and the argueing got worse.
in feb, during a huge row, he admited to using cocain again and having a debt to s dealer of over £3500. i was mortified. i didn't know what to do. i didn't have the money to pay it however i knew if it didnt get paid interest was being added at £100 a day!!!!!! I still had no idea as to the extent of his addiction. i made him tell his mum and she paid it. he swore never to use it again!!!!!
to cut a long story short there have since been a further ocassions when i have found out he has used and the debt his mum and i hav paid now stands at around £10000!!!!!!
last night i found out again and another £1300 outstanding.
he is seeking regular help from the drugs team however this doesn't seen to be working.
I try my best to keep positive around him and not argue but it is so hard. im sick of all the lies. i want to help him but i dont know what to do.
did i mention when he lost his business i bought it back for him so he still had a job and focus however half the time he doesnt have the motivation to go to work which causes arguements as we need the money!!!

please can someone tell me what to do to help him when he is having his downers to stop him getting more coke. i just cant afford it. im in the process of a mortgage application for us so we can have our own house but whilst im scrimping and saving every penny for the deposit, he is spending money he doesnt have and getting into more debt.

please please help me to help him. i love him so much i dont want to end the relationship but if i acnt help, i cant stay.

There is so much i have missed out but that is the basis

Thanks

[kris123]

wow, if he don't stop using coke, he is going to lose everything.  He is now draging you down with him.  He has to want help, you can't help him if he doesn't want help you know.  I would hate to see you lose out on ur dreams.  I used coke for a long time and  I spent about 30,000 on coke, i used eveything I had and almost lost my job and my life.  Coke lead to crack, it was horrible.  How I stopped, because I hit the bottom and just got myself away from those people and did a lot of praying.  It doesn't seem like he really wants to stop and I am afraid he is going to drag you into a place you don't want to be.  Tell him he needs help and you want to help him but you can't be with him if he keeps doing it.  That is what I would do.  I know eaiser said then done!!!

[avisg]

yeah I agree with kris not to mention he threw you into a wall .He is in a very bad place and he needs to decide what his bottom going to be.It would not be wise to buy a house with him at this point you dont want to lose that too.He need to get his life strighted out before he is going to be a good partner for anyone .

[Calamity2]

I have been addicted to cocaine too. Years ago in the late or mid 70s . anyway. I know that until the addict is hits thier bottom they wont stop. I wouldnt stop for the person I love most in the world even if I was completly destroying them. As long as you fix the addicts or alcoholics messes it just takes longer to hit bottom.  You really need a Alanon meeting.  He can go to NA meetings. If you dont have one nearby it only takes two people to start one.   God Bless