Aa
Hello all...new member here :)
hello everyone...
i've been browsing this community for the past 3 weeks, and think the support everyone has here for each other is beyond amazing. i've read soooo many different posts and everyone is so caring...and this is exactly the kind of thing that people in our situation need! i've always felt alone in my addiction, so it was like a breath of fresh air to read your posts and think to myself, "wowww...that's me!"...or "heyyy, me too!". it's really refreshing to know we're not alone in this. reading all of the different responses to "pill counting" and "running out early"...and "taking pills, not to get high...but, rather, just to feel normal" really hit home with me. sooo, needless to say, i couldn't wait to become a part of this...so here i am!
i've been hooked on opiates for about 7 years...addicted, i'd say, for around 2 1/2 to 3. i started out the same as all of you...got prescribed them following a minor surgery. loved the way they made me feel. did them here and there whenever i could... it started off as just casual use...but the more easily available they would become, and the more money i had, the more my "habit" turned into much more than a habit. what started off as "a little something" i'd take to have more fun when i went bar-hopping on weekends eventually turned into part of my daily routine. i remember thinking..."if i could feel this good sometimes, then why shouldn't i feel like this all the time?". my weekend use then turned daily when i'd come home from work with backaches often. i'd take a pill after work and all would be good. that's all i needed. just one. vicodin was my drug of choice (it was really the only drug that i was familiar with at the time). i never wanted to feel f*cked up or anything...just "good"... well, i then began thinking..."hmmm...if i can feel this good AFTER work, why should i struggle through the workday?" i work at a place where everyone is miserable all the time and hates their jobs, so i figured that i may as well make my day more enjoyable...
as i said, i had a few scripts for hydro after a minor surgery, but when they ran out...i'd obtain them however i could, until around november of 2006 when i started getting them from an "acquaintance" of mine. he would call me up every 28 days, precisely! as i said too, at first, i'd just buy 1 or 2 for the weekends, but as my tolerance went up, $4.00 each for vic 10's can turn into a pretty expensive habit after awhile. luckily i made decent money and he had basically unlimited pills every month (his md prescribed him 300 vic 10's and 150 vic 7.5's monthly and he RARELY ever took them for himself). after 2 years of getting pills off him monthly, he moved away...though for a few months he did FED EX me his scripts that his md had written him in advance til he found a new doc, and i would wire him the money. sick, i knowwww... well my supply was dwindling down around new years, so i figured that i'd make a new years resolution to stop the opiates. that was new years eve 2008/2009. i did have some tramadol prescribed to me, for my back pain...so i took that to combat my withdrawels...and felt absolutely fine! (despite all my years of opiate abuse, i still would only take a small number of vic's a day because that was STILL all i needed to get high. my tolerance did go up...but not excessively) i was doing pretty good, though without the tramadol, i'd have horrible withdrawels. so i started taking tramadol every day. i only needed 1 or 2 a day, because they lasted forever, but that seemed like an improvement to me, rather than popping several vics during the course of the day. a few months later...in maybe may of 2009, my md cut me off of the tramadol and i panicked! i had horrible wd's immediately. i was prescribed them for a little over a year (though i didn't take them when i had vics) so i pleaded with my dr to at least give me one more refill, so i could gradually ween myself off them, but she wouldn't budge.
that immediately sent me back to opiates. a guy who lived across the street got 100 vic 5's every month, so he'd knock on my door monthly and sell them to me for $100. i also had other friends who had hooked me up in the past who would help me out. the only problem was that the pills weren't making me feel good any more. it was just like a light switch turned off. one day i got high...only to never get high again, starting the next day...and so on... 100 pills would last me only a few days. instead of feeling "invincible" and "energetic", i felt groggy and tired and miserable. i always would have a dry mouth and dry eyes. since i now didn't have a constant supply of pills, i started buying poppy pods off the internet and making poppy tea. i remember my first batch (june 2009)...i used 3 poppy pods, took maybe 5 sips, and was f*cked up the whole entire day and was still feeling it the next. that's all it took to get me hooked. it was a complete body buzz. and it was so convenient. i didn't need a script or a hookup. i could order them off ebay! that was my drug of choice up til now...and when i made my last batch (about a month ago) i was consuming up to 20 pods in one sitting! sometimes several times a day!
and don't even go there, when i paid and extra $40 for next day shipping on my poppies and they didn't arrive. i was going insane! but luckily, somehow all of these years, without having prescriptions...i always managed to pretty much avoid wd's. whenever i'd run out, someone would always call me that same day or the next offering me something... or if i was feeling really bad, i'd even go so low as to taking a bunch of over the counter anti-diarheaa pills to take the edge off.
but anyway...this isn't a fun life anymore. i'm no longer getting high, and i'm wasting my money. i no longer feel good. i took a suboxone from a friend of mine, and it was the first time in like 4 years that i went several days without consuming any pills or opiates. i did research, i decided that suboxone is the route i wanna take in my recovery. there's no way i can do this c/t due to the intense withdrawel from so many different alkaloids in the poppy tea (not to mention i have 2 jobs and somedays work up to 18 hours a day)...
i started seeing a sub doc a little over 2 weeks ago. he started me out at 2mg, twice a day...but that was too low... then raised it to 8mg daily...but i'm still feeling like garbage and it's not really helping. i go to see him again in 3 days...so we'll see where it takes me. wish me luck, though...and anyone w/ questions or advice, please feel free to message me :) i could really use the support.
thanks alot.
:)
-n.
i've been browsing this community for the past 3 weeks, and think the support everyone has here for each other is beyond amazing. i've read soooo many different posts and everyone is so caring...and this is exactly the kind of thing that people in our situation need! i've always felt alone in my addiction, so it was like a breath of fresh air to read your posts and think to myself, "wowww...that's me!"...or "heyyy, me too!". it's really refreshing to know we're not alone in this. reading all of the different responses to "pill counting" and "running out early"...and "taking pills, not to get high...but, rather, just to feel normal" really hit home with me. sooo, needless to say, i couldn't wait to become a part of this...so here i am!
i've been hooked on opiates for about 7 years...addicted, i'd say, for around 2 1/2 to 3. i started out the same as all of you...got prescribed them following a minor surgery. loved the way they made me feel. did them here and there whenever i could... it started off as just casual use...but the more easily available they would become, and the more money i had, the more my "habit" turned into much more than a habit. what started off as "a little something" i'd take to have more fun when i went bar-hopping on weekends eventually turned into part of my daily routine. i remember thinking..."if i could feel this good sometimes, then why shouldn't i feel like this all the time?". my weekend use then turned daily when i'd come home from work with backaches often. i'd take a pill after work and all would be good. that's all i needed. just one. vicodin was my drug of choice (it was really the only drug that i was familiar with at the time). i never wanted to feel f*cked up or anything...just "good"... well, i then began thinking..."hmmm...if i can feel this good AFTER work, why should i struggle through the workday?" i work at a place where everyone is miserable all the time and hates their jobs, so i figured that i may as well make my day more enjoyable...
as i said, i had a few scripts for hydro after a minor surgery, but when they ran out...i'd obtain them however i could, until around november of 2006 when i started getting them from an "acquaintance" of mine. he would call me up every 28 days, precisely! as i said too, at first, i'd just buy 1 or 2 for the weekends, but as my tolerance went up, $4.00 each for vic 10's can turn into a pretty expensive habit after awhile. luckily i made decent money and he had basically unlimited pills every month (his md prescribed him 300 vic 10's and 150 vic 7.5's monthly and he RARELY ever took them for himself). after 2 years of getting pills off him monthly, he moved away...though for a few months he did FED EX me his scripts that his md had written him in advance til he found a new doc, and i would wire him the money. sick, i knowwww... well my supply was dwindling down around new years, so i figured that i'd make a new years resolution to stop the opiates. that was new years eve 2008/2009. i did have some tramadol prescribed to me, for my back pain...so i took that to combat my withdrawels...and felt absolutely fine! (despite all my years of opiate abuse, i still would only take a small number of vic's a day because that was STILL all i needed to get high. my tolerance did go up...but not excessively) i was doing pretty good, though without the tramadol, i'd have horrible withdrawels. so i started taking tramadol every day. i only needed 1 or 2 a day, because they lasted forever, but that seemed like an improvement to me, rather than popping several vics during the course of the day. a few months later...in maybe may of 2009, my md cut me off of the tramadol and i panicked! i had horrible wd's immediately. i was prescribed them for a little over a year (though i didn't take them when i had vics) so i pleaded with my dr to at least give me one more refill, so i could gradually ween myself off them, but she wouldn't budge.
that immediately sent me back to opiates. a guy who lived across the street got 100 vic 5's every month, so he'd knock on my door monthly and sell them to me for $100. i also had other friends who had hooked me up in the past who would help me out. the only problem was that the pills weren't making me feel good any more. it was just like a light switch turned off. one day i got high...only to never get high again, starting the next day...and so on... 100 pills would last me only a few days. instead of feeling "invincible" and "energetic", i felt groggy and tired and miserable. i always would have a dry mouth and dry eyes. since i now didn't have a constant supply of pills, i started buying poppy pods off the internet and making poppy tea. i remember my first batch (june 2009)...i used 3 poppy pods, took maybe 5 sips, and was f*cked up the whole entire day and was still feeling it the next. that's all it took to get me hooked. it was a complete body buzz. and it was so convenient. i didn't need a script or a hookup. i could order them off ebay! that was my drug of choice up til now...and when i made my last batch (about a month ago) i was consuming up to 20 pods in one sitting! sometimes several times a day!
and don't even go there, when i paid and extra $40 for next day shipping on my poppies and they didn't arrive. i was going insane! but luckily, somehow all of these years, without having prescriptions...i always managed to pretty much avoid wd's. whenever i'd run out, someone would always call me that same day or the next offering me something... or if i was feeling really bad, i'd even go so low as to taking a bunch of over the counter anti-diarheaa pills to take the edge off.
but anyway...this isn't a fun life anymore. i'm no longer getting high, and i'm wasting my money. i no longer feel good. i took a suboxone from a friend of mine, and it was the first time in like 4 years that i went several days without consuming any pills or opiates. i did research, i decided that suboxone is the route i wanna take in my recovery. there's no way i can do this c/t due to the intense withdrawel from so many different alkaloids in the poppy tea (not to mention i have 2 jobs and somedays work up to 18 hours a day)...
i started seeing a sub doc a little over 2 weeks ago. he started me out at 2mg, twice a day...but that was too low... then raised it to 8mg daily...but i'm still feeling like garbage and it's not really helping. i go to see him again in 3 days...so we'll see where it takes me. wish me luck, though...and anyone w/ questions or advice, please feel free to message me :) i could really use the support.
thanks alot.
:)
-n.
Thanks :). And sorry that post was wayyyy long! It did feel better to get it all out, though. I plan to stick with this and post more. Thanks again.
Wow....that's one way to enjoy a morning or afternoon tea time :-). Congrats on wanting to stop your dependency...you're in a good place with all of us here; almost all of us have recovered from something...just keep posting.
Guy
Guy
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