Help-prescription fraud-need advice desparetly

[Help me Im drowning]

Someone please give me some good advice....I am seriously addicted to opiates and I think I have finally hit rock bottom. I have been on narcotics for 4 years now. I have degenerative arthritis and just had diskogram done several months ago and found out I have a tear in the fibers around L5-S1 and the center nucleous is leaking out...(herniated disk). I am a patient at a pain clinic and am now on Methadone. My doc wants me to have an IDET but my insurance wont cover it and I think I am too young for a fusion...Im not even 30 yet and really couldnt afford the surgery anyway. For the past year I have been going through the cycle of running out of meds early and trying to figure out how to get more to get me through. Recently I was involved in a car wreck...well it was a road rage incident....guy with big stuffed duck tied to front end of flatbed utility truck ran me off the road passing me, i blew horn and he slammed on brakes and reversed into me causing 5,000 dollars damage to my car...broke my husbands foot and then he waited for cops to get there....needless to say I have been in extremem pain since then...I took extra methadone( I only take 30mg per day), so I ran out. My brother just had back surgery and he was taking percocet....he had a refill of vicodin left at the drug store and I called it in and picked it up.. I really didnt think he was using it anymore, and he wasnt, but he ran out of his percocet early and tried to get his refill just 4 days after I had already picked it up. I know I really screwed up, and he knows the truth now b.c I told him...he was mad but understood that I was desperate...going through withdrawels for 3 days and in pain and knew I could get my meds for 5 more days....the problem is now his workers comp is involved and is filling a police report. I am wondering if anyone has been through this kind of thing before.....I am hoping that by the grace of GOD that I wont be recognized on the surveillence tapes at the store. The pharmacy told him whoever picked it up cam in the store so they will be going through the tapes with the police soon....I didnt really go in the store, I went through the drive-thru not in my car and with dark shades on....the store doesn'thave camerras that show tag numbers, just the car through the window...I am hoping that because I was driving a super-raised truck that they wont be able to identify me...and my brother isnt either......PLease give any advice you can..... I know I messed up, but I am really a nice person, loving mom, devote Christian, but I gave in to a weakness and know I am so truely ashamed. My husband doesnt know how bad my provblem is. What should I do???????

Thanks for any advice.

HElp_me_im_drowing!!!!! And i dont want to go to federal prison....

[Help me Im drowning]

I KNOW I AM ADDICTED TO THIS ****....I HAVE BEEN GOING TO ORTHOPEADIC SURGEONS, NEUROSURGOENS AND NOW A PAIN CLIND....THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 4 YEARS.  i HAVE WENT FROM VICODIN TO OXCONTIN TO METHADONE....I HAVE THE ANNUAL TEARS, DEG. DISK DISEASE AND DEGENERATIVE ARTHRITIS (HEREDITARY)...MY GRANDMOTHER HAS HAD 7 BACK SURGERYS SO FAR IN HER LIFE AND I AM GOING DOWN THE SAME ROAD.  I DONT GET HIGH OFF THESE DRUGS, THEY JUST HELP THE PAIN....AND I RATE A 5-8 ON THE PAIN SCALE EVERYDAY EVEN WITH PAIN MEDS.  I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG, SICK AND COMPLETLY SCREWED UP...I KNOW THAT I AM NOTHING BUT AN ADDICT AND A THEIF, BUT I NEED HELP......IF I GET CAUGHT AND MY LIFE FALLS APART, I DONT THINK I AM GOING TO GET THE HELP I NEED...MY HUSBAND WILL PROBABLY LEAVE ME...MABY THATS WHAT I DESERVE THOUGH....I REALLY WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GO THROUGH GETTING CAUGHT...PLEASE ANYONE WHO CAN PRAY FOR ME......PRAY FOR MY BROTHER...WHO BY THE WAY IS ALSO AN ADDICT WHO HAS STOLEN PAIN MEDS FROM ME ALSO....I REALLY DIDNT THINK HE WAS GOING TO USE THEM, ALTHOUGH I KNOW THAT NOT AN EXCUSE FOR WHAT I DID....I AM REALLY FREAKING OUT THOUGH AND HAVE NOONE TO TALK TO....THANKS FOR THE PEOPLE WHO GIVE KIND WORDS.

[vicaddict]

One last thing. I know right now you are scared, and you say you will never do anything like it again. But, you really do not know for sure. I am not saying your a bad person, or anything at all. Heck I of all people cannot cast stones. But my point is this:

Say you do not get caught. You will eventually lose that "petrified" feeling. IF you do not get caught,  you may at some point take pride in that and end up still using, and one day  will do something worse than this.
Just some things to think about. Like I said, I am not saying this will happen but I know how the "addict" thinks, I know b/c I am one. Although I have never done anything like this or would, does not make me any better than anyone else either. An addict is an addict is really what I am trying to say to you.

[vicaddict]

I will say some prayers for you as well as your family, but please still seek some help. Starting with telling your husband everything, and asking his forgiveness and his support and help....the rest will all fall into place. But it has to come from within YOU first.

Prayers your way and your family's

Tracy

[beachtowel]

I understand you scard and what people here are worried about is your health....
I don't understand why a loving husband would leave you for one bad decision and again I will say to you I have stood in the exact spot your in twice so I know exactly what your thinking........I can also tell you that your hubby is fed up to his gills about your pain and all the meds that your taking because it domiates your life and your thoughts even though you don't realize it.........

Your thinking is so distorted your addiction has altered your decision making and your emotions and rational thoughts are all screwed up.........

you entered a forum full of addicts do you not think that we have all been where you are and some of us more than once..........
you don't even feel bad about being a thief and stealing from you own brother how could you get into his mind if he is an addict too that he would not miss his refills.......and then say well he stole drugs from me before does that make it ok........your justifying everything and it is the addiction in you doing all the thinking and all the talking........
What good are you to your kids right now and if you do go to jail what about your kids and your husband then?
Wake up girl four years with the same problem in your back with no healing I would like to tell you something your addiction can fool the brain by sending messages to the brain that your back is really hurting when in reality it is not that is how powerful addiction is and how it effects your brain....

Sorry I feel really bad for you and your family right now and the real bad thing is your mind is focused on the wrong questions and the wrong problems........

good luck to you sometimes it takes a crash and burn to save your own life........

[marcatj]

.. honey, Beach is right.  and you mentioned you are a Christian.. not to be cliche, but you probably need to Let Go and Let God right now... you have no choice but to surrender to what is... there really is nothing you can do.

if you cannot take it in tonight, please reread everyone's posts tomorrow.  your addiction is the problem, and if this situation doesn't give you a really big scare, or some sort of repurcussion, you likely will just continue to use.

no one here wishes you harm... we only wish you sobriety.  so you can live an authentic life, and as well, never be in this position again.

so the bottom line is - my advice would be to surrender.

good luck, sweety...
mj

[vicaddict]

Wow, this sentence really rang true for me:
"Your thinking is so distorted your addiction has altered your decision making and your emotions and rational thoughts are all screwed up".........

Mine are exactly that! When I think about w/d that is exactly it! I am having irrational thoughts per the addiction. Kind of like when I was going through counseling for my panic disorder. That too, irrational thoughts, and I applied what I learned in 3 years of counseling to that and retrain my brain..I am now able to be more "rational" in my thinking process with that. How ironic. Think I need to take from that, and apply to the thoughts of addiction and w/d. wow! I never even thought to compared the two.

Also, the part of the pain meds making our pain worse. That I JUST found out today from my new Dr. I NEVER would have thought that! They do actually make your pain worse = more tolerance to the drug=  your want/need for more of the drug.

But as always, great post beach. I always take something from what you write!
Huggs and on that note have a good night!