Did You Quit Opiates? Tell Me How Awesome Your Life Is!!

[LookingUp1980]

I need some motivation!!  Tell me how much better your life is off of opiates!  PLEASE!!!  I am clean 2 weeks and feel like i have NO energy.   How much longer until I feel at least 1/2 way normal??

[LookingUp1980]

Thanks!

[LookingUp1980]

Thanks, everybody!!

Here is more info.  I have been on vicodins and tramadols for about 9 years.  not a super high dose but very consistent dose.  about 100mgs of trams and a pill or 2 of the vics a day.  I weened myself down very, very, slowly.  I have gone through this before a couple of times when i was just taking the vics, a few years ago, it was MUCH easier.

Anyway, yes, I am exercising everyday.  I am 100% FORCING myself to do it.  I am taking Xnanax at night to help with sleep  I don't know the mgs.  It's not super strong.  also, I am smoking a little bit of the high in CBD strain of pot in the day for WDs.  I live in CA so I was able to get my pot card for this.  The pot high in CDB does not get you high.  Google it, it's been a savior.

For my work, I am required to perform in front of people and work/ direct people behind the scenes.  I am freelance and don't have anything scheduled until March 16th.  I know I will feel different on that day than I do now.

I am convinced the Tramadols are what is making it so much worse this time around.

Off to FORCE workout!!

[GoodOldDays]

I asked the same type of question a few days ago.  For me I suppose it's reassurance that the difficult times of w/d are worth it.

NeverAgain's response: that you'll never meet ANYONE with long-term sobriety who says "Gee, I really wish I had stayed on drugs."  Never.

Most AWESOME thing for me to read!

Great question LookingUp and best wishes!

[weaver71]

Without drugs, true love is possible. I don't mean puppy love or the kind of love a girl has for new shoes, I'm talking deep, spiritual love, unconditional and beyond the mind's perception. To feel love and loved is the greatest gift this world has to offer, drugs take that ability away. True pain is possible too, that is the balance of life, so being off drugs is a process of of living life on life's terms and making the best of it. So, the single most awesome thing for me, is love, all of it, the pain, the confusion, the connections and joy. Maybe it's not always good, but when it's good, it's real and extremely good, more so than words could ever capture.

[NeverAgain127]

Hi,

I'm 5 months off oxycodone next week.  Is my life awesome?  No.  BUT.  I'm not going to die early...and if I had stayed on the opiates, I'm convinced that would have happened eventually.   After 8 years on them (and they were prescribed) I was having memory issues, coordination problems, nodding off at my desk, and I HAD to drive for my job, but I really shouldn't have been operating a car.

Oh God, and then there were all the other issues mentioned here:

1. running out early (either I took more than I should, or the pharmacy would short me.)
2. doctor forgetting to write out a new script...on a weekend, or before going on a vacation.  
3. going into withdrawal constantly because of the above
4. losing my natural ability to cough ('cause that is what opiates do) so all kinds of awful crud building up in my lungs) ...I coughed for 3 months after stopping.
5. being treated like scum by the drugstore, the pharmacist, the techs, everyone.
6. losing traction on my life.  I was in the fog, all the time, 24/7.   There are huge chunks of the past 8 years I cannot even remember.

Life on opiates *****.  Is life now, clean, "awesome?"   That's a loaded question.    Life is what you make it, IF you are clean.  

It's all about perspective; what you pay attention to.  I'm 53 years old, and I am in the healthcare field.   You can be here one day and GONE the next.  You can live a long life, or find out you have pancreatic cancer and die in 20 days.     So I've learned to enjoy the little things, because we are never guaranteed even one more day in this body, on this planet.

On opiates, I couldn't appreciate the little things.   A sunset, an ice-cream cone, laughing so hard I peed.   You aren't "fine-tuned" when you're zonked on drugs.   And it's the little things that really matter.

2 weeks clean is wonderful, and congratulations, but you haven't even begun your journey yet.   I didn't feel human for 30 days after I stopped.  At nearly five months, I'm still rediscovering my life.

Good luck...and remember, you'll never meet ANYONE with long-term sobriety who says "Gee, I really wish I had stayed on drugs."  Never.

Hugs,
-Robin

[spider6]

Hey there.  Yes life is sooooo much more awesome off opiates....any drugs really.  You will hear peeps talk about their lack of motivation, lack of energy, lack of sleep.....but  ....it's nothing in comparison to being in that fog and dullness and consuming anxiousness of.."do I have enough to get me through this...(insert bullsh*t here)..etc...you know the drill.  

Oh my God! My sleep, I never thought I'd sleep again. That was one thing opiates helped me with.  Hang on....hang on....did I say, hang on! It does get better.  Addict brain and alllll it's stinkin thinkin....will try to convince you that you can't do this......you can.

The energy....uber huge!......I'm type "A" personality with bi-polar rapid cycling.....I .....need.....energy!!!  .....my search for pills turned to a mad search for that lost energy. Man, ....it's that thought in your head that keeps scratching, itch, itch itch,...there's got to be something I can "take" to feel better.   Hand to mouth.....that's an addiction in itself.  That reaching for "something".......have coffee it said......I don't drink coffee,......I do now.  Not a good idea if you're prone to anxiety or insomnia......

Best advice I can throw out there.......just stop.....stop thinking there's something outside you to change the sitch....there's not, there'll never be.  There's just you.....surrender to your fears and know that they are just that....thoughts....so, change them....YOU have to do that.  It's work but it's rewarding.  Change the thought forcibly to a pro active positive one.  It's hard in the beginning but as with anything else, practice persuades perfection.  
Promise.

You will feel better than half way normal soon.  Besides, normal is overrated, strive for "interesting", and "wouldn't you like to know me?"

You got this....hugs out

[jethro733]

I think in a nutshell that puts it quite well.  Life is not a bowl of ice cream.  We all think that it's going to get magically super as soon as we give up, but that is our addict brain at work once again saying there's going to be a quick fix at the end when you really examine that thought pattern.

Look maybe at what being clean doesn't have.  The pill counting, the feeling tied to the daily/weekly/monthly supply, the not being able to do something that would otherwise be important because you are out of stock...  So what does that mean?  It means you have far more freedom than you previously had.  Freedom is often not noticed until you suddenly find that you actually have it again, or conversely the point of being so sick and tired of being sick and tired that you realize that you have no freedom whatsoever and you just have to get off the merry-go-round.

You're only two weeks in, don't stress it.  Endorphins take a while to start producing again.  Hard to say exactly because we're all different and have been on differing doses/time frames.  I think the biggest thing to get doing is be free.  Our thoughts trap us if we let them.  Don't count the time, get out and do what you can do.  Exercise is great for kick starting the bodies endorphin production...  Being free is what being clean is, life is what you make of it :)      

[jifmoc]

My girl Krissy...wahoo!!!

[Krissy_123]

I'm at almost 3 months and still ask that same question. But jifmoc is right,it's up to us to make it better. I just sat around for the longest time waiting for this amazing clean life to fall in my lap. It doesn't work that way unfortunately. We need to make it better,I also don't miss the pill counting,running out early, or the detoxing. Our brains need to heal,we have next to none natural endorphins left. But we can get them back. That's what I'm working on now,what makes me happy or even smile. It's a long road,and an impossible one without aftercare. When I started detox I thought I could be that person that did it all alone. Nope I don't need aftercare....haha I was wrong. You won't get far without it. You need to work on you to get better,in turn to get happy. So ya,it'll come,but there is no time on when. One day at time dude. Find little things in life that make you smile,just start small. :))

[jifmoc]

Ha, I love the title of your post! That's exactly what we all wanna know in detox because it BLOWS. And we can't see how it will ever get better. Firstly, how long/how much were you using? 2 weeks is great. But, yes, no energy is very normal at this point. I'm sure your sleep sux, too. You are definitely past the acute phase and symptoms will only get better, not worse. Even though the last thing you feel like doing is moving. Exercise will help tremendously. Especially w/ the mental part. Walk to the corner and back. Push it. The more you get your heart rate up and sweat, the better. And of course, eating right etc.

Lemme tell you life is not a bowl of ice cream, and I have a lot of wreckage to clean up. BUT, I feel sane. And free. I don't have to count those horrible pills and determine EVERYTHING based on having pills or not. No flushing $ down the toilet. No weekly mini-detoxes because I ran out. No lying to the doctor. No having the only person I connect w/ in a week be my dealer.  Yuck! Even writing it, bleech. It's no life.

I have to say I believe the ONLY reason I could STAY clean is because of meetings (NA or AA.) I did 90 mtgs in 90 days and still go almost every day (I'm almost at 9 months.) I tried and failed every single time before. Detoxing, going back. Detoxing, going back. We have to work on our brains once the substance is gone.

Keep going!!! And stick around here please. You'll get so much awesome feedback. 2 weeks...you are over the hump!! It will get better in increments but it will get better. That is a promise:)