how to cope...still reeling from w/d's

[erin626]

Hey everyone. I'm happy to say I've been off the 1.5mg xanax a day since september. I still have a script for the lowest dose they prescribe but now 30 pills lasts me 2-3 months as opposed to 10 days. They are no longer what get me through my days. Yay!

But I've been struggling with recurrent thoughts of the horrific benzo withdrawal that I experienced. It was a nightmare. I've never been so sick and terrified in my life. Yet I keep revisiting the memory and it truely bothers me. At first I was glad I remembered it so clearly so it would keep me from abusing xanax but now I just want those ugly memories to leave me.

How does everyone here cope with the memories of drug abuse and the subsequent withdrawals? I feel like I'm going crazy by continually thinking about the pure hell I experienced last year.

[erin626]

Thanks everyone. Just having people to btalk to who have gone through it is a great help. I'm planning on going to some NA meetings with my friend to help me with the bad memories and be around people who have been there and done it.

Benzos are no joke. I know that now. I would never wish the withdrawals on anyone. I just got my normal appetite back in february. It took about 5 months for me to feel like my normal self again.

Ill try my best to put the experience behind me and just learn from my mistakes. Hopefully soon ill come to terms with it and I won't dwell on it anymore.

[laurel453]

I don't know about benzos wds but i know about anxiety.... and you are doing great and only needs time ....yeah, it takes time but don't get discouraged nor let the fear drives your thoughts... working with your therapist and following the advices you are given by her/him will pay off with time. Try not to dwell on those thoughts from the past. I know it is easier said than done but it is the thing to do, write down them and rationalise them, don't let the catastrophic kind of thoughts overwhelm you... You are doing really great, you have managed to control your anxiety quite well since september considering how much you used and how much you are using now and how you felt,..... feel proud and keep working  with your therapist :)

[sudie58]

i can really empathise with you about benzo withdrawals, the worst thing ive ever gone through, i sometimes wake up in the morning and think i am still on them, its a terrifying thing, you have done so well, xanax is pure evil to withdraw from, its the talking therapys that help now, like c b t , and talking through the panics, i too think the longer you are off them , it does get a bit easier, best wishes, god bless.

[gnarly_1]

HI I remember you....good to see you post and im glad you got off that crap xanex is a real mofo to come off of do your best to get free of them completely addiction has a bad way of finding us over and over again if you can make it with only 3 of the .25 since feb you can be drug free I wish you all the best in your recovery good luck and God bless....Gnarly

[erin626]

I've been seeing a therapist when my schedule allows it. And its been helping...I can tell. I've gained almost all the weight I lost back.

I am essentially off the xanax. I'm still dealing with horrific panic episodes that make it impossible to function that I take them for but I'm experiencing them less and less.

At this point the xanax are reserved for moments when the panic sets in and I can't calm myself down fast enough...essentially only while driving or during a busy work shift. And now I'm actually prescribed the xanax and taking them under dr supervision. Before I was buying them from a friend and taking them however I wanted without realizing the addictive quality to them.

In time I think with the help of my therapist the panic disorder will subside and I won't take the xanax. But I am so cautious now. I refuse to take them most of the time. I got my script filled at the beginning of february and have maybe taken 3.

I unfortunately learned my lesson the hard way about presrciption drugs.

[LeaAnn807]

Time is about the only thing that helps with those thoughts.  The more space you put between you and the memory, the better it will be for you!  Are you talking to anyone about it?  Have any plans of getting off of them?