time for the truth,im scared

[iscabibble]

Hello,Without giving my whole long story I will say,I am a addict.Im totally lost. I read the posts and maybe its that sick addict thinking,that I have to be the worst (ie- special)but Im stuck. I take ,snort between 30-40,yes thats thirty to forty oxy 30s a day-there have been days Ive done 50. Thats 900 plus milligrams a day. I read of people trying to quit habits of thirty milligrams and they are losing their minds in withdrawl-whats going to happen to me? besides dieing if I dont get it together very soon. :ile most of us,its not even a high anymore,just trying to not be sick.The sick funny thing is,I know I dont want this-its the panic of whats going to come from withdrawl.I can not do anything,and i feel pretty crappy ,but relived Im almost done with this hell,then bang anxiety of the idea of bad withdrawl has me crawling,I mean Im sick-vomiting,sweating and so on,but I can get my head around it likes its a bad flu and it will end,but then I remember reading bout someone elses trip to hell and they were only doing 90,noy 900 and i lose it.I understand that the degree of withdrawl is dose related but how much?is there a ceiling to hell?Please if you know anything bout high dose withdrawl please tell me

[iscabibble]

Thanks,thanks for just takig the time. The last week Ive kinda been burrowing in,just trying to get into my own head.And you know what I came up with_thank god alcohal is not my drug of choice,because I just cant imagine the hell those people are in, having to just walk on  by. I would of been dead at 17. Funny how people think that certain groups are scum-totally unaware of the intrgrity and power of will they have.

    Yeah, I know im off task, and It looks

all  n[ce but its ME,I have to look at- but im just so damn scared, all the time.It all looks good on paper,my gemerasity to others in need is a cover but the truth is, im a coward.Thats the me,always hiding.Now I have to figure out and admit what and who I am.. But I dont know how. So I guess Im still thinking.lease dont let me dissapear

[halstead124]

   that is very true what you said about some post can effect another into a totally different mind set as i found and taken a break from it and take a little time to focus on getting myself better is helping.

[desolateangel]

the first time i tried to kick, i tried to do it by tapering. the withdrawals were horrific. the second time, i did again by tapering, i didn't notice any withdrawals at all. the reason? different mindset.tis all about how you approach it.

[dwbson]

The first thing I did was educate myself. Went online, surfed the drug, amounts abused, withdrawals to expect and how long. That's a pretty high dose so get medical advice from your doctor or an online physician. They have them on this site. Then get your head together that you CAN DO THIS. it won't be fun at first, but just as the sun rises and sets, you are assured of each day passing and with that next day, you will be better than the day before. Ahead of time, I got all my vitamins, medicines for upset stomach, candles that soothed me, bath gels that comforted, tonic water with quinine for restless legs and epsom salts for bath soaks help too. Live in the hot bathtub water if you have to, then walk till you think you'll drop. The whole time focus on I can do this replacing the thoughts of I feel terrible, I need my pill , I don't think I can do this, etc. Most importantly, get rid of all your pills and cut off all ways to get them!! You can do this and be proud of it. I don't know if you're a Christian, but all success lies outside of our comfort zone where Jesus is holding out his hand.

[sudie58]

hi, i think you should take note of what worried878 has said, everyone is different, some folks on high doses, find it a bit easier than some on low doses, and vice versa, i think good preparation is a key thing.  plan your withdrawal , get all the things that you can do and take to help, then decide on a start day and go for it, we can help on here with advice and motivation on here, its your chance for freedom , ive done it and lots of others on here too, i really wish you well, god bless,  

[Jammerson1906]

I am on day 5 detox....30-40 norco a day. I have done less, much less and had the exact same withdrawl symptons. I think it is truly the person, not so much the amount...if you are a long time user.
Your mind it what matters...what you tell yourself..how bad you make it. I am really crappy at that part....I go to a dark place. But, it does not last forever, a couple of bad days I can sacrifice for some pride, some self-respect and peace of mind.
It will not be easy, if it was, why would we ever stop?! So buck up. and go for it..... remember it is the drugs, not you, the first few days...and give yourself a break. That is hard for us, we feel so much shame.
Just my little piece of advice from someone who has been here, using multiple doses, same result.

Good luck and God Bless!

[worried878]

u doing ok?  something doesnt feel right?

[worried878]

i see u r focusing on doses..ur dose is high???  Like i mentioned...some suffer more from a small dose than another from a dose 5 x as high

If reading these stories is making u afraid,,,u may need to stop...or when u see a post =going into a horror story, stop reading that one and skip to a positive post...everyone does not experience the exact same wd even at the exact same dose cos lots of other factors come into play

Educating urself, making a plan so u r prepared, cutting off supply, putting all the cards in ur favor are things u can do to make this work.  Sometimes a person is so tired of being sick and tired, stopping the pills can actually be a relief!  It can even be exciting to a point...being free is a part of many of our make up...we dont like being tied to something

The thomas recipe in the health pages is a great place to start....actually, reading thru the health pages can help educate u as there is a wealth of knowledge there.  Seeking support, here but also somewhere else like meetings is crucial for many

be safe...and keep posting

[halstead124]

WHAT U WANNA DO WITH THIS

[worried878]

seems like often folks feel bout as bad as they plan on feeling....dwelling on it is not a helkpful thing to do as a rule for most//getting busy and occupying ur mind usually helps most...but we r all different...there could be those out there who actually do better dwelling on how bad they feel 24/7...dunno
Only know for me, if my  mind is occupied on sumpin else, i dont think about the problem at hand so much.......dwelling never gets me anwhere cept feely cruddier
I have been on this forum for a few years now, not so much as I used to be, this i admit, but I have seen folks describe suffering more stopping a 30 mg habit for 3 months than someone else stopping a 300 mg habit for 10 yrs..something dont seem right?  but we r all different
I believe there is something to that...and it is upstairs..a positive attitude really helps lots of folks

[halstead124]

HEY YOU DOING OK WRIGHT NOW