Honesty is the best policy, right?

[riana_]

I thought being honest with all physicians, counselors, etc. would help to avoid substances which would lead me in the same direction; although my personal drug knowledge is similar to a pharmaceutical handbook, mixed with virtually every other down known to man, I'm hardly an expert on mood stabilizers, antidepressants and the lot.

Anyway, more than 4 months ago I started seeing a counselor regularly to assist in my Suboxone treatment and the essential weaning off of the Suboxone. I've attempted sobriety on my own, either half- way or full throttle, more than a few times, and I've failed. I searched success rates and local doctors who offer the treatment; I found a doctor in Big Spring, Tx, a couple hours from me, and started the treatment a little more than a year ago.  Long story short, the doctor could give two ***** of my progress and has little to no knowledge in addiction and how it truly works. He only takes cash, does phone visits, preaches about positivity and the power of positive thinking, it makes me ill just thinking about it.

I finally started seeing a counselor, he's done the "leg-work", so to speak, in my recovery. Understanding how my mind works, how an ADDICT'S mind works, and how to help me get in the right direction. I started working with a local physician to help with the depression, which I've never truly felt as I've been regularly under-the-influence of opiates since I was 15; because of this, I was open to suggestions. I've been honest entirely for the first time in a long time. He prescribed Paxil and kolonypin (SP?), which was GREAT! Until I ran out, and couldn't reach the ******.

Now, I have a history of seizures, due to the damage really as I didn't have them prior to my addiction, but all tonics. During my 'withdrawal' of Paxil, I've had a grand mal seizure, in my car, a full blown panic attack  with overwhelming suicidal thoughts, and I can't eat. Anything. I'm vomiting, constantly. I've never experienced such a mentally exhausting withdrawal, and, at my worst, I was on more that 320 mgs of oxy a day, so I know sick. I know it well, it's what we all fear is that ******* sickness. I'm lost, mentally, and I'm confused, I can't focus. The first two days I couldn't stop crying, I wanted to die, more than anything, I wanted to die.

This may be my fault, idk how I've gotten to this position. I'm trying to build up my life, become more responsible and the woman I'm 'meant to be' or whatever. I'm relapsing just to get a break from my mind. Please try to be as kind as possible in responses, advice, answers, whatever, cause I'm at my brink here man.

HELP!

[clean_in_ks]

Welcome to the forum, Riana....because both Paxil and Klonopin should never be stopped abruptly....you need to get some medical assistance....vomiting and seizures should both be taken seriously.
I hope if you cannot get ahold of your local physician that prescribed these two meds to you that you will do as suggested and have someone drive you to the ER.

As far as being honest with our physicians, counselors, etc., I can think of NO OTHER WAY TO BE.  In addition, we also have a responsibility to learn about ANY drug we put in our bodies BEFORE we put it in our bodies.  We also need to make sure we refill our medications before they run out or see our doctor before they run out if they are meds like Paxil and Klonopin.  I don't know about you, but I NEVER let myself run out of my pain meds....in fact, I was usually pushing to have them refilled as early as possible.
Klonopin is a benzo......is it highly addictive and it surprises me that a doctor that knows about addiction would prescribe you a benzo.

Above you said this:
"I'm relapsing just to get a break from my mind."

What does this mean?  Are you still on suboxone? What have you relapsed on?

From what I could understand above, you have a sub dr., a counselor and a local physician, right?  And this local physician is the one that prescribed you the antidepressant and the benzo?  Is that right?  Can you not call his answering service or his on-call physician and let them know that you let yourself run out of these 2 meds?  They will know and agree it is dangerous to abruptly stop a benzo and an antidepressant.

Please get some help....and when you feel a little better, come back and talk to us, ok?  We care about you and want to know how this goes?
Take care of you.....you are WORTH it.....

.

[lulu747]

I can only echo Merri's advice.  You need to head to the ER.  You are in dangerous territory.  Seizures and suicidal thoughts are obviously NOTHING to take lightly.  Please go and check in and let us know how you do.
Sending support-
Lu

[keith600]

Merri is right about your medical problems, you need to deal with them 1st. The drug part, I believe your in the right spot, theres nothing wrong with someone going to college,reading about, studying  etc. but I do strongly believe  that the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. Bottom line though,,if it works for you then its right for you.

[Merri123]

If you are having seiZures and vomiting that much, I really think you need to go to the ER. They will help you. Don't tell them you are suicidal. They may put you on a hold. But they could get you the Paxil and kino pin. Then you can work on weaning off if you choose with your counselor. Paxil helos many with depression though.

Please go. Want to make sure you are safe and no more seizures.