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Horribly addicted to heroin and oxycontin and trying to stop
I tried to detox a few months ago and even posted on here, but failed miserably. Ive been using for four or 5 yrs now, I am 22 and have been wanting to stop for a while but the morning sickness i get from withdrawal has been so horrendous lately that I cant even make it through one day without. Ive never had detoxes like this, i cant even explain the pain. I have been using a lot lately, maybe 400mg of oxycontin and then add in the heroin and it just is killing me. I am so miserable lately. I didnt really notice it til a few weeks ago, but i know i am not hte person i once was. I am so depressed all day, i dont want to do anything, i isolate from all the people who care about me, my thoughts are so impulsive, i am literally self destructing and bringing everything down around me. school, friends, family, money, love, excitement those are all foreign things that i have sacrificed for my "high" . If i am not high i am painfully sick, and i am stuck. and i hate this. i want to change, but dont no if i will ever be able to. I can see things getting so worse lately. I am 22 yrs old and often think that i am going to die soon, if i dont overdose maybe something else will happen but i just feel it lately. i am going down a dark road, 4 yrs ago if youd shown me a picture now of my life i would have laughed and thought you were crazy. i dont know how things became like this but i cant imagine letting this go on for another 5 yrs, and yet i know that it will if i dont die or make a drastic change. the next 4 yrs will go by like these 4 yrs and ill be in a miserable drug haze. its like no matter wat i am miserable but at least when i am high, its manageable, and i cna escape it for a few minutes. And believe me, it didn;t used to be like this, ive never been this kind of person. ive always had an excitement for life, but its gone now. anyways i am sorry to ramble on and on. i will say today is DAY 2, i am in unimaginable pain but i am trying to detox and make a change, because i want so desperately to love life again, and feel, good or bad, but just to feel things, to have relationships with other people, to want to go out and do things, to wake up in the morning and feel rejuvenated and excited for the day not dope sick and deathly, i just want to get some life back in me because i have become vacant and empty and i honestly dnt no how much longer i can go on like this. guess i thought id post if anyone has been here and can say things can change id love to hear it because my outlook is bleak and i have gone far down this road and it is dark and lonely and i want to change more then anything but it just seems like i will always be condemed to this addiction and all that comes with it.
I can certainly understand why you feel stuck. Withdrawal is terribly painful, especially when you've been using a lot and for a long time. But you're on Day 2 ... just try to get through today. You're not going to get the old you back overnight. You didn't get to where you are overnight and it's going to take some time.
If you continue to withdraw at home, check out the Amino Acid Protocol and the Thomas Recipe. There are things there that will help alleviate some of your withdrawal symptoms. Do you have anyone at home to help you through this? What about going to an inpatient detox? Is that a possibility?
Also, even though you're in the midst of withdrawals, you need to think about aftercare. It seems like that is a priority if you really want to get well. The people that are successful are the ones that have some sort of aftercare in place.
Read the posts here and pay attention to the people that speak. There are several people here who have a good amount of clean time. They are the ones to listen to. They've been there and they've maintained sobriety so when they tell you something, listen.
It sounds like you are ready to make this change. You're right that if you keep on this path, nothing good will come of it. You are so young and have an amazing life ahead of you! This won't be easy but you can do it. You can have feelings back. You can enjoy the simplicity of everyday things again. Keep posting here and find some support in real life. What about your parents? Are they able to help? If you go to NA/AA, you will find support there. You can get a sponsor and they will help you through this.
I'm sure you'll get some responses from a lot of people here, including some that have some really good knowledge about this. Keep reading, keep posting, and just stay in the moment with your withdrawals. Do what you can to alleviate your symptoms and just take it a moment at a time. The physical withdrawals won't last forever. You can do this!
If you continue to withdraw at home, check out the Amino Acid Protocol and the Thomas Recipe. There are things there that will help alleviate some of your withdrawal symptoms. Do you have anyone at home to help you through this? What about going to an inpatient detox? Is that a possibility?
Also, even though you're in the midst of withdrawals, you need to think about aftercare. It seems like that is a priority if you really want to get well. The people that are successful are the ones that have some sort of aftercare in place.
Read the posts here and pay attention to the people that speak. There are several people here who have a good amount of clean time. They are the ones to listen to. They've been there and they've maintained sobriety so when they tell you something, listen.
It sounds like you are ready to make this change. You're right that if you keep on this path, nothing good will come of it. You are so young and have an amazing life ahead of you! This won't be easy but you can do it. You can have feelings back. You can enjoy the simplicity of everyday things again. Keep posting here and find some support in real life. What about your parents? Are they able to help? If you go to NA/AA, you will find support there. You can get a sponsor and they will help you through this.
I'm sure you'll get some responses from a lot of people here, including some that have some really good knowledge about this. Keep reading, keep posting, and just stay in the moment with your withdrawals. Do what you can to alleviate your symptoms and just take it a moment at a time. The physical withdrawals won't last forever. You can do this!
At that high a dose you need pro help getting off. CT would be so bad you won't be able to do it. That's 400mg a day right? Plus H you'll need to come down slowly and then jump off
Good luck and keep posting. We all know the pain of wd
Good luck and keep posting. We all know the pain of wd
well no guts no glory.....YOU CAN DO THIS ....we have had members with equally bad habits make it out your already 2 days in it shouldent get worst your in acute withdrawal its just going to hang around for a few days a hot soak will help the aches and pains highlands restlsful legs will help the rls so pick some up pick up a cace of gatoraid it is vital you dont become dehydrated you can look up the thomas recipe on the lower right of this screen it will give you a few things to make this a bit ezer other then that you just have to tufe it out in a few days it will break and fro the first time in 5 yr you will be free it will be so worth it keep posting it helps read the other posts your not alone good luck and God bless.....I will check back with you tonight........Gnarly
thank u guys for the comments. i am detoxing and trying to stick thru it, its unimaginable, but i feel used to it i wake up every day so sick and sometimes just have to sgo thru the day in wds until finally someone can meet me or i can get some. but i do feel like i am going crazy. i am so depsressed and sikc. i figure things cant get worse than the he ll i am living in now and if that much oxy and heroin cant make me feel good anymore then something is rly wrong. i just feel done, i have fallen far and the things that i allow myself to do these days i cant even believe. so even tho i am in he ll rite now i know the other alternative is just another kind of he ll. i dont see any light right now and nothing sounds good but the way i have been going is only getting worse.
Hang in there......we are thinking of ya......If you were injecting the oxycontin's maybe that's why it is so hard........I saw my doctor about a weaning program but my dose is different and I'm doing it slowly. I wish you all the best......I know you can do it, do you have a friend that can stay with you that you trust?
Take care!!!
Take care!!!
It's gonna suck for a while - there's no way around it (go ahead moderators - censor me). Focus only on the moment right now and you have a real chance to make it through. Right NOW. It's all that matters - seriously.
I remember your thread from a few months ago. I'm sorry things have gotten worse for you; but, it's good that you're posting again. From what I've read, you're in for a bumpy ride, but just hang on tight with everything you've got - You can do this! Take care and don't stop posting - the people here truly care about you. Just remember that this WILL pass. Best of luck.
i dont see how this is going to pass. this is the worst. physical is out of control but the worst is just my mind, my head. i hope i have reached my lowest place right now cuz i cant handle anymore. i feel like im gonna go crazy. everything just hurts so much, its to much. im sorry but i dont mean to be such a downer and i cant really explain this thru typing, no words do this feeling justice.
I'm pretty sure you don't have to explain those feelings. I wish I didn't understand them.
Go outside (garage or wherever) and beat the CRAP out of a box, a piece of furniture - whatever - it will help. The anger has to go somewhere and better on a piece of crap somewhere and not someone/something we truly care about. Now DO IT.
Go outside (garage or wherever) and beat the CRAP out of a box, a piece of furniture - whatever - it will help. The anger has to go somewhere and better on a piece of crap somewhere and not someone/something we truly care about. Now DO IT.
i would try that if i cud get up and have any strength i cant even clench my first. im sorry. but thank u for responding and ur support it helps a lot actually.
That's okay- what you're feeling is normal (at least my version of "normal') - so go ahead and veg out. That was part of my recovery too. Allowing those bad feelings is okay. Good or bad feelings - better than to be numb.
I say this a lot but life DESERVES to be felt.
I say this a lot but life DESERVES to be felt.
I just remembered you from before. I had often wondered what had happened with you and I had hoped things were going okay. You've been struggling with this for so long. I'm just wondering, and hope you don't mind me asking, but the last time you were on here you never mentioned heroin. The issue was just the oxy. Is the heroin a new addition since you were on here?
Okay, so you do have a pretty large oxy habit. How bad was the heroin habit? If I remember correctly from the last time, you don't really have any family support, is that right? Is that still the case? I really think, if you don't have any real support, that you should consider an inpatient detox. If you're able to do that, you'll have support 24/7 while you're going through withdrawals. They'll give you things to make the withdrawal a little more comfortable. And they'll set up some aftercare for you. It would be great if you could do an inpatient aftercare program.
I'm worried about you going through this alone. You're very young and it breaks my heart you can't go to your parents with this for their help. If you're not able or don't want to do an inpatient detox, do you have a family doctor? If you do, I think if you went to him/her and explained what's going on they would give you some support. I know they'd probably give you something to help with the withdrawals, maybe some Clonidine or whatever they think is best.
In the meantime, keep well hydrated. I think you know what you need to do since you've been through it before. Plenty of fluids and food as you can tolerate. Do you have a friend that can stay with you? They'd be able to help you through this and keep you a bit distracted.
For right not, just stay in the moment. Remember you can get through this and there's a lot of people here who will support you. I just feel like you need some support in real life. But also remember, you are not going through this alone. Remember the Footprints poem I sent you the last time? It's through these very difficult times that God is with you and carrying you. It may not feel like that right now, but when you get through this and look back, you'll realize He was there with you. Ask for strength and healing. Even though you don't have family around you, remember that you are HIS precious child and He wants you to live the life you deserve. Life is a gift. You may not be feeling like that right now but it is. Think of all the cancer patients and what they're going through ... young kids, young moms and dads with kids ... they go through brutal treatments in order to live. In some ways, you're fighting the same kind of battle. You are also fighting for your life.
You have an amazing future ahead of you ... college (if you haven't finished,) traveling, a family. If life doesn't feel great at the moment, think of the future and what it holds for you. Think of the dreams you had before you got caught up in this. Those dreams are still there and still attainable. You're a very smart young woman. Take the advice from here of those who've gone through it ... the ones who have had a lot of clean time. They didn't do it alone. You have to have some kind of aftercare. Just think about it. I'm sure you're too sick to act on it right at the moment but as soon as you're feeling a bit better, please look into it.
Get the things you need to feel better: lots of fluids, some easy food to eat, the Hylands Restful Legs, some Valerian Root for anxiety (it works great; I've tried it!) Get some Melatonin or Alteril for help with sleep. You can do this and you have a lot of people cheering you on!!
Okay, so you do have a pretty large oxy habit. How bad was the heroin habit? If I remember correctly from the last time, you don't really have any family support, is that right? Is that still the case? I really think, if you don't have any real support, that you should consider an inpatient detox. If you're able to do that, you'll have support 24/7 while you're going through withdrawals. They'll give you things to make the withdrawal a little more comfortable. And they'll set up some aftercare for you. It would be great if you could do an inpatient aftercare program.
I'm worried about you going through this alone. You're very young and it breaks my heart you can't go to your parents with this for their help. If you're not able or don't want to do an inpatient detox, do you have a family doctor? If you do, I think if you went to him/her and explained what's going on they would give you some support. I know they'd probably give you something to help with the withdrawals, maybe some Clonidine or whatever they think is best.
In the meantime, keep well hydrated. I think you know what you need to do since you've been through it before. Plenty of fluids and food as you can tolerate. Do you have a friend that can stay with you? They'd be able to help you through this and keep you a bit distracted.
For right not, just stay in the moment. Remember you can get through this and there's a lot of people here who will support you. I just feel like you need some support in real life. But also remember, you are not going through this alone. Remember the Footprints poem I sent you the last time? It's through these very difficult times that God is with you and carrying you. It may not feel like that right now, but when you get through this and look back, you'll realize He was there with you. Ask for strength and healing. Even though you don't have family around you, remember that you are HIS precious child and He wants you to live the life you deserve. Life is a gift. You may not be feeling like that right now but it is. Think of all the cancer patients and what they're going through ... young kids, young moms and dads with kids ... they go through brutal treatments in order to live. In some ways, you're fighting the same kind of battle. You are also fighting for your life.
You have an amazing future ahead of you ... college (if you haven't finished,) traveling, a family. If life doesn't feel great at the moment, think of the future and what it holds for you. Think of the dreams you had before you got caught up in this. Those dreams are still there and still attainable. You're a very smart young woman. Take the advice from here of those who've gone through it ... the ones who have had a lot of clean time. They didn't do it alone. You have to have some kind of aftercare. Just think about it. I'm sure you're too sick to act on it right at the moment but as soon as you're feeling a bit better, please look into it.
Get the things you need to feel better: lots of fluids, some easy food to eat, the Hylands Restful Legs, some Valerian Root for anxiety (it works great; I've tried it!) Get some Melatonin or Alteril for help with sleep. You can do this and you have a lot of people cheering you on!!
Ugh, we know what you are going through. I don't want to be redundant, but I wanted to say you sound intelligent, and better than that, you're WISE enough to KNOW you need to get better. It may not FEEL like it's getting better, but it is and it WILL.
In addition to what I skimmed from the others, can you exercise at all? I don't mean you will want to today or this week, but are you limited physically or can you get on a treadmill, or take a walk outside? I'd say exercise even outweighs nutrition, but they both are vital to your healing.
If you have any pills or a stash or a connect, get rid of those. Otherwise it's too easy to stay on this hellish ride.
Be encouraged. Praying for you. David
In addition to what I skimmed from the others, can you exercise at all? I don't mean you will want to today or this week, but are you limited physically or can you get on a treadmill, or take a walk outside? I'd say exercise even outweighs nutrition, but they both are vital to your healing.
If you have any pills or a stash or a connect, get rid of those. Otherwise it's too easy to stay on this hellish ride.
Be encouraged. Praying for you. David
thanks for all responses. i cant write bak much rite now because my mind is scrambled and in major pain and i can barely type. just checkin in i guess if anyone cares. but yes mellie i am doing this on my own for now, i have frinds that come and check on me,but mostly on my own, thank u for the footprints poem i like that.
and yes i can exciercise but no way now. unless u count getting up and crawling to the bathroom to vomit and then gripping the bathroom counter and trying to pull my hollow body up as a new form of excercise then no not happenin here. but if i ever get passt this, and id be shocked if i did, then id consider excerise, if things ever get better than this, then id probably consider doing anythign
sorry to be the biggest downer.
and yes i can exciercise but no way now. unless u count getting up and crawling to the bathroom to vomit and then gripping the bathroom counter and trying to pull my hollow body up as a new form of excercise then no not happenin here. but if i ever get passt this, and id be shocked if i did, then id consider excerise, if things ever get better than this, then id probably consider doing anythign
sorry to be the biggest downer.
HEY DUDE HOW YOU DOING??? you got another day behind you keep it up and this will be over b/4 you know it I know its a drag now and life s u c k s but in a few days it will be over and you will be free something you havent seen in a long time no more dope no more needles free of all that crap where all pulling for you dont give in and what ever you do dont use to ez the pain your doing great good luck and God bless......Gnarly
I cant offer you any advice. I've never been addicted to opiates so it's not the best place for me to offer any....but i AM an addict and i've been where you are. You need help to get through it.
Your post got to me...i remember feeling the way you do. Its one of my strongest memories of childhood. I remember leaving myself notes everywhere at 10 years old telling myself not fo take so many pills.
I hope you find your way. It CAN be done. Its terribly hard, but you can do it.
Your post got to me...i remember feeling the way you do. Its one of my strongest memories of childhood. I remember leaving myself notes everywhere at 10 years old telling myself not fo take so many pills.
I hope you find your way. It CAN be done. Its terribly hard, but you can do it.
We're rooting for you harper and we're here if you need to talk or when you're able to. Just go slow with this process okay? I know how awful this is right now so just focus on the day (or minute/hour) ahead of you and don't think about tomorrow yet. I just think it's too overwhelming in those first few days to think about the future. You'll get there just give yourself the time you need and deserve.
And please - if it gets to be too much - reach out to someone close to you for help. I'm sure you have people in your life who love you and I'm sure you would be there for them if they needed you. So let them help.
And please - if it gets to be too much - reach out to someone close to you for help. I'm sure you have people in your life who love you and I'm sure you would be there for them if they needed you. So let them help.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Make sure you are drinking fluids. We dont want you to get dehydrated. Try soaking in a warm bath. I know how you are feeling here and it is the worst but it will get better. You can get thru this Harper. Sending you positive thoughts~~sara
Yay!! You're one more day closer to feeling better. Keep going and focus on the prize: the amazing life you have to live!!! Definitely keep the fluids going. Dehydration will make everything worse. If you're still actively vomiting, it can be hard. My doctor told me one sip every 15 minutes and you should be okay. If someone is coming to check on you, see if they can bring some popsicles; they can sometimes stay down when nothing else does; and they'll help with the hydration. Soaking in the tub like sara recommended is a great idea. It will probably be hard to get in but it will help. Keep posting ... you can do this!!!
first i just wantt to say thanks to everyone commenting i just came on and saw all thes posts of suppoet and it felt rly good i am so down and probably just sound like a whiny brat on here so i have to say thanks for puting up with me so far and actually commenting and supporting.
well heres day 3. i cant say im jumping with joy right now i feel like dying wud just be easier at this point but i think somewhere deep down theres some tiny little excitement about this. wouldnt no as i dont think ive felt excitement in a long time, i cant even explain the night it was to bad for words. i have taken hot baths which help i get so freezing i slept with two sweatshirts last night, shorts, sweats over the shorts, socks, and three blankets over me because i was cold to my bones then woke up on fire, like my temperatures are all over the place but i guess thats the least of my concerns right now. not sure how i will get thru today as the way i see it its just another miserable 24 hrs ahead, but im not rly craving right now (dont no how that is) cuz using just makes me depressed too, so i dont see an out either way so i might as well keep trying to stay clean as i havent done this path before so maybe it will lead to better results.
well heres day 3. i cant say im jumping with joy right now i feel like dying wud just be easier at this point but i think somewhere deep down theres some tiny little excitement about this. wouldnt no as i dont think ive felt excitement in a long time, i cant even explain the night it was to bad for words. i have taken hot baths which help i get so freezing i slept with two sweatshirts last night, shorts, sweats over the shorts, socks, and three blankets over me because i was cold to my bones then woke up on fire, like my temperatures are all over the place but i guess thats the least of my concerns right now. not sure how i will get thru today as the way i see it its just another miserable 24 hrs ahead, but im not rly craving right now (dont no how that is) cuz using just makes me depressed too, so i dont see an out either way so i might as well keep trying to stay clean as i havent done this path before so maybe it will lead to better results.
Any update? Hope you're ok. That's a high dose to ct from. Let us know.
The lack of energy is the worst, hate it when you can't stand to lay down cause you're skin is crawling but no enegery. Ugh why is this stuff so nasty?
The lack of energy is the worst, hate it when you can't stand to lay down cause you're skin is crawling but no enegery. Ugh why is this stuff so nasty?
You're in the thick of it now - it gets a tiny bit better each day for the next few days. And then you'll have one day where you wake up and realize you actually slept, I mean a real sleep the kind you used to have when you were a kid, and it's going to feel wonderful!
You're doing it harper - so keep going. I promise you it will get easier and life will be so much better you just have to do the work - it's such a simple process and such a complicated one all at the same time. I have to tell you when you said "somewhere deep down inside there's some excitement" - that was the best thing I've heard you say yet. It was like that for me too - not an overwhelming "woohoo" kind of feeling, the positive changes are actually pretty subtle. And then you'll have a day where you go about your whole day without thinking about pills (that one's the best).
Make sure you eat when you can and keep the fluid intake up there - may seem like simple things - but they can make all the difference in the world. :)
You're doing it harper - so keep going. I promise you it will get easier and life will be so much better you just have to do the work - it's such a simple process and such a complicated one all at the same time. I have to tell you when you said "somewhere deep down inside there's some excitement" - that was the best thing I've heard you say yet. It was like that for me too - not an overwhelming "woohoo" kind of feeling, the positive changes are actually pretty subtle. And then you'll have a day where you go about your whole day without thinking about pills (that one's the best).
Make sure you eat when you can and keep the fluid intake up there - may seem like simple things - but they can make all the difference in the world. :)
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