Update i caved

[Undertow71]

i was doing fine,taking it easy,and this broken collar bone omg.it is broken in 2 places.so i caved and used.i do feel guilty for sure,but i am at least comfortabl just a lil for now.
  I sat here all day doin nothing,reading posts here feeling strong,i went to take a bath to ease the d.t's came back to my chair and the pain got so bad i was in tears.
  I was done with this crap,2 weeks strong.THEN THIS ACCIDENT,I AM SO PISSED AT THIS .I just could not take the pain.so i took a few pain pills today after 2 easy days without till it started screaming again.
  I just want to be honest and salvage a lil bit of myself.Was this just an excuse?i didn't take enuff to get "high".
  Broken collar bones suck.i never brok a bone in my 41 year old life.just give it to me be honest,i am a strong person and can handle that.
  I mean, i could be drinking too but that has been years.since my dad died from brain cancer.
after beating cocaine.alcohol.and my ups and downs with opiates since major back surgery.
am i really being weak doing this?I know what it will bring,i know i have to face it soon because i don't want these pain meds anymore.
  just give me some feedback and be honest with me,i won't hate you or be angry,i have enuff anger towards this addiction already that i do not have nuff to spare to anyone saying i am full of it for using.
I just don't know right now.i hope in another week i do not need these anymore because i do not want what life i have left to go away,i love my wife,she is supportive no matter what i do and thinks i need this reliefe for just a lil while and at the same time wants me clean again.up in arms,scared and in sever pain.
if i take just naproxen =nothing,if i take jsut pain meds=nothing.if i take 2 of each i get hours of reliefe.
my god i do not want to discourage others here but i have noone else to turn to,she doesn't understand and neither does anyone else i know.HELP? :(:::::::::::

[Undertow71]

forgot to mention they collapsed my vein also,it is hard as a rock 4 inches long and a huge bump where they went in,this is 10 days later

[buddycrunch]

I'm jelous of ya bud.  Wish I had broken bones and puntured lung as an excuse for the way i've been feeling and acting.   :-}

[Undertow71]

Buddy i know that feeling,the kids gone,drove me into a deep depression 4 years bottle o vodka a day,they did not come back till that was over,stay strong they will see it and be there for you again,i know it seems like the end of the world but it does get better.My sone even left a 2nd time causing me to get off the meds,then this happened,he is being cool bout it ho thank god

[buddycrunch]

Wowzers,  This is very tough for me too, bud.

At 2:30 AM headache brought me right out of bed this morning, kept me up all night, all i could do was stand in the door jam and push the other side of the door jam with my face as hard as i could.  No sleep, now 9:00 AM & need to get this day going.  don't know if it's from the gabapentin, or viimins/minerals, or if the opiate receptors have really found a way to bang-a-gong to let me know how starved they are.  Just a week ago I was on cloud nine at 50 days, now almost feels as bad as day 3 did.  Had severe body aches all day yesterday then depression set in when I go in the house and my sons are gone, just the wife and dog now.

[dede2121]

i also have a great doctor although i told him once i felt like i was abusing them and i quit getting refills and about a month or so later i called and asked for a script and he filled it. when i can afford to go again i guess i really need to get honest with him. praying at the end of a visit, i like that.

also i dont know how old you are but when i was younger pain never bothered me and anybody around me that complained about hurting i just told them to dry it up and act like a man. lol. i remember being younger and older people complaining about their body aches...ha that is me now. oh lord i am old.

[Undertow71]

My Dr. and i already made the decision together to not refill anymore after this misshap.When i went in to see him i told him i had stopped then this happened,The reason why he reduced the script.
    I actually have a great Dr. and am very honest with him,he is great and most times we pray at the end of the visit.

[Undertow71]

Broke a bone in my foot once,went to work the next day.On my feet ,mechanic work,My hand once also same deal.It sucked but i did it.made me feel like a man.
      But here i am this A.M. feeling o.k pain is minimal and i feel like i am on day 2 again.Stomache, legs twitchin,ya know the drill.Basicaly i took 3 morphine 15's yesterday and 4 naproxen and the wife is holding a few for me only if needed.
   As long as the pain stays tollerable i can handle this.
When i was younger i handled pain like a champ,Bad sprains and whatever,i never used pain medicine.
My god it wasn't until back surgery and the meds ,now it seems i have 0 pain tollerance.
  Don't we all wish we could reset our brains to just before Addicion to these?lol
   Well time to take my supplements now. and maybe find a book to read,i really need to not do anything so i can heal,that's my biggest problem,not staying immobile.

[dede2121]

hey i think there are gonna be times in life when we made need pain meds. we just need to be sure that we are getting them for real pain. i mean dont go to doctor with a skinned elbow and say i need pain meds. you have a broke collar bone and i bet it is painful. i broke my toe once and that hurt like heck. so i can only imagine a collar bone. if you need them take them but is there someone who can hold them for you and give them as directed. and i would only take them if i was really hurting bad. if the pain is moderate then i myself would just try to take tylenol. so dont stress out about it but also dont keep using it as an excuse when you are healed to keep getting a refill. that would be something i would do.

[Undertow71]

TY so much eveyone for the kind words, And the support.My head is set to get off this crap.Honestyl.I will start again tomarrow,i don't know how i can do less to not hut so bad.
  I mean, i just got back on my feet working 40 and doing side jobs and having fun riding with friends all drug free.It took me 4 years to recover from back surgery and get to this point.I had aches n pains still but it was nothing compared to where i had been for way too long
Sitting around is very hard for me.
   I WILL pull my bootstraps back up and beat this B888 over the head.I proved i could do it i will do it again,and again if i have to,too much to live for.,Nighterz all

[Sonrissa]

Please try not to stress about this Undertow! A broken collar bone is serious stuff! If it were me, I would not suffer in pain! If you can, please seek out Conhall! She went through a very similar situation! After getting through detox and withdrawals, she had a terrible accident at work and seriously broke her arm, and had other injuries. She would be a great resource and support to help you get through this! Take care, don't beat yourself up about this! I hope you feel better very soon!

[ann326]

I can only thank you for this post. I myself have had several back surgureys and the pain is awfull when your in that place or when I'm in that place I'd do anything to take the pain away. for me it's helping greatly that my pain level is very low today but if I wore to wake up tomorrow and find out that yet another disc is out in my back after all this hard work????? U made the one day at a time saying very real thanks. please take care of yourself & I hope and pray you feel better real soon

[Undertow71]

Buddy!!,
i was there once,my dad showed up from kentucky unnaounced,i was neck deep in my cocaine addiction,and had about an 8 ball of top shelf stuff in me,i was in the basement,i freaked.
   My grandmother passed 4 months later and my cousin/father figure took me aside,thats when i started to clean up from that garbage,i still have nightmares to this day about as my dad is gone now,brain cancer.

[Undertow71]

1 week aggo sunday,has yet to set,broken in 2 places ,at the shoulder and at the neck.

[vicki595]

When it comes to acute pain following a broken bone, a surgery, dental emergency, etc...it is not considered a failure to take some meds for the pain. We usually recommend that you give the meds to someone to hold for you and to give them to you appropriately.

When did you break your collar bone?  I hope you feel better very soon!

[buddycrunch]

i turn 50 next year. i started trying to quit opiates again in april, decided to quit my other job (was just working in my shop part time and driving a truck away from home 3 days a week), so that i could get off these demons and rid of 'no-brother-good-inlaw' again. I struggled through july and august quitting several times. last seen no brother on labor day, my 22 yr old son showed up sept 8th with his girl freind to announce their engagement, I was already in bed at 7:00 pm, using alcahol to mask my wd's,  I was so ashamed to be in that condition at that special moment.  Shame is a powerful tool when you use it, no wonder god gave us that emotion.   "BeyondScrewed" gives me strength, I don't ever want to be that way again. I'm glad he's posting on here.

[Undertow71]

yupper,i agree 100 percent.the pain will come back i know it,it did not subside much.
   when u posted the letter to addiction it hit me hard,then later it triggered a memmory from rehab reading that letter,20 yars aggo i was not ready.
I am such an active person,the worst part is having to just sit till this heals.
the pain is really that bad,and it really did not help much to be honest.till i took the naproxen also.that stuff is a godsend realy.
  and i am already out of them,i just wanted  this pain today gone,told my "friend" yup he is that,don't sell me anymore,he said i will regret it.oh well.he will lok out for me i know that.got the rest of the thomas ingredients today.i will do this!!! and will never forget it.
PEACE and LOVE to all

[buddycrunch]

Come on, bud!

There's no way i can throw stones at you.  I'm thinking the same way half the time, sitting here in my shop too lazy to work, in pain all day long, just playing on my laptop hangin out on this website.

you've seen my other posts, you know how i could come down on you, as they say here, "you know the drill".  sometimes when i reread them, i think i must have wrote them to myself.  I turn to that "letter from my addiction" several times a day.  I'm gonna go get some naproxin now, tylenol and iboprofin aint working either and i'm too lazy to do a bath this late in the day.  I did finally walk the dog a couple miles this afternoon.  Still getting by moment by moment at this end.

You know later when you're out of em, you'll realize it was your addiction that was looking for your weak moment.

[bugsy2222]

Hey, I am in the same situation, I have had numerous back surgerys and need another surgery. I take motin 800's, honestly I really think it works better, thats how I feel anyway.I would try to stay the course and stay strong. Its tough but keep steppen! peace  Bugz