Aa
How can I deal with this?
My husband recently (four days ago) admitted to me that he was a heroin "user". He claims he is not addicted. He has been using heroin for years now. He showed me a "medical file" in which almost a year ago, 4/9/09 he went to a local treatment facility as an outpatient. He was given a "3 day supply of suboxone" and he had to keep appointments, which he never did. My 16 year old daugher is the one who kept persistently telling me he was on heroin. A few years ago, when my 19 year old was still living with us, he apparently admitted to her he was using heroin. All these years, and even his outpatient clinic stint, and he never admitted anything to me.
Even the day before when I had been reading your posts, I had him leave work early to come home before my 16 year old got home so I could talk with him. He blatantly denied using. He even lied to me and said he never carries it with him. The next morning my 16 year old asked me to look through the garbage. She said he was acting suspicious and he went to the garbage and threw something away. I went to the garbage and founf six bags of wax paper bags labeled "king Kong" and his straw. That is when he finally admitted he was using. The very next day, he denied everything again, including this morning.
He often has pinpoint pupils and gets very tired and nods out at inappropriate times, He has incredibly bad constipation and takes all of his medical advice from his junkie friends. Never from me. I am a nurse for over twenty years. I never worked in community health, or drug rehab facilities, and I was so unaware of all the signs and symptoms until recently.
Last year in late July I was diagnosed with cancer. I am not allowed to work as a nurse, and I have been without any income for over six months. My husband works for himself. He chooses his own hours, and rarely gives me money to live on. I have no where to go. I cannot leave as I cannot afford to do anything until I get cleared from my oncologist. Even then, I am unsure as to whether I can ohld a job or not.
Please can you help me deal with this? I have tried to tolerate this, but I am going through so much myself, I get so overwhelmed.
Even the day before when I had been reading your posts, I had him leave work early to come home before my 16 year old got home so I could talk with him. He blatantly denied using. He even lied to me and said he never carries it with him. The next morning my 16 year old asked me to look through the garbage. She said he was acting suspicious and he went to the garbage and threw something away. I went to the garbage and founf six bags of wax paper bags labeled "king Kong" and his straw. That is when he finally admitted he was using. The very next day, he denied everything again, including this morning.
He often has pinpoint pupils and gets very tired and nods out at inappropriate times, He has incredibly bad constipation and takes all of his medical advice from his junkie friends. Never from me. I am a nurse for over twenty years. I never worked in community health, or drug rehab facilities, and I was so unaware of all the signs and symptoms until recently.
Last year in late July I was diagnosed with cancer. I am not allowed to work as a nurse, and I have been without any income for over six months. My husband works for himself. He chooses his own hours, and rarely gives me money to live on. I have no where to go. I cannot leave as I cannot afford to do anything until I get cleared from my oncologist. Even then, I am unsure as to whether I can ohld a job or not.
Please can you help me deal with this? I have tried to tolerate this, but I am going through so much myself, I get so overwhelmed.
Thank you for your post! I read it and completely agree.
I did speak with him about his failing his drug test, and that subs will not come up as an opiate. He then confessed to me what I had been suspecting. That he HAD been recently using. As soon as three days prior, which may really mean yesterday in truth.
He did ask for another test. I ordered it. I received it yesterday. I told him this morning I would like to test him again.
He was very optimistic in the fact that he states he feels so much stronger in his quest to quit this time. (I have been giving him vitamins, and getting him vitamin water, and mixing up juice drinks that I make with my recently purchased "Jack La Lane Juicer". The fresh juicing that the machine makes is incredible. I make a concoction called "Power Up", it has spinach, cucumber, carrots, green pepper and an apple in it. I know it sounds yucky, but the flavor is REALLY good. My husband says when he drinks it, he really feels so good inside.
I try. I also of course drink my juices for me as well.
In the mornings before school, my 16 year old anticipates my making yet a new juice drink combination every day. This morning was two oranges, one apple, 15 to 20 strawberries and a carrot. I make enough for the three of us.
Avisg, you are so helpful to me. I will rely on you wonderfully, caring people. I want so much to tell you good things, positive things. I strive for it with every day I am alive.
When my days are dark, I read the things you all write, and it helps so much.
I am doing my best to "care for me". I can thank you all for "making" me stop and care for me. I love you for that.
God bless, I will look forward to sharing good things with you all.
Love,
MJ
I did speak with him about his failing his drug test, and that subs will not come up as an opiate. He then confessed to me what I had been suspecting. That he HAD been recently using. As soon as three days prior, which may really mean yesterday in truth.
He did ask for another test. I ordered it. I received it yesterday. I told him this morning I would like to test him again.
He was very optimistic in the fact that he states he feels so much stronger in his quest to quit this time. (I have been giving him vitamins, and getting him vitamin water, and mixing up juice drinks that I make with my recently purchased "Jack La Lane Juicer". The fresh juicing that the machine makes is incredible. I make a concoction called "Power Up", it has spinach, cucumber, carrots, green pepper and an apple in it. I know it sounds yucky, but the flavor is REALLY good. My husband says when he drinks it, he really feels so good inside.
I try. I also of course drink my juices for me as well.
In the mornings before school, my 16 year old anticipates my making yet a new juice drink combination every day. This morning was two oranges, one apple, 15 to 20 strawberries and a carrot. I make enough for the three of us.
Avisg, you are so helpful to me. I will rely on you wonderfully, caring people. I want so much to tell you good things, positive things. I strive for it with every day I am alive.
When my days are dark, I read the things you all write, and it helps so much.
I am doing my best to "care for me". I can thank you all for "making" me stop and care for me. I love you for that.
God bless, I will look forward to sharing good things with you all.
Love,
MJ
I have been offering only love and support to my husband. He told me this morning he feels so STRONG!
He even told me in a feeble way this morning that he will tell his "toxic friend" that he will not need him for "work" much longer. I can't let it get me TOO THRILLED because I wonder if he really will do that, FOR HIMSELF!
But, good news, (even if it is small), is good news.
I saw my therapist yesterday, and I realize just how fragile my mental state really is still.
I try to think strong. I try to think positive. I need you and all my friends here so very much. My therapist tells me to "not think about leaving my husband", at least not right now. I have told him that I think I can really get better mentally if I were able to get away from living with this, and he tells me that I need to work on my coping skills still, and try to live with the situation if I can.
Boy, does that confuse me!
Today is a bit hard on me.
I have a 19 year old daughter, who recently, 3/26/10 gave up her healthy baby girl for adoption. It was difficult enough to have to accept her choice and give her support. But, yesterday she saw HER therapist. (I had been asking her to get counseling for two years now), and apparently her therapist recommended that Sarah pursue her options of having her child back based on their conversations.
It is a bit to handle. I am elated. I am so supportive.
In the next breath, my girl starts to express her fear that she may not be able to handle having her child back, and she is having extreme doubts even though she is only considering having her child back!
This became so frustrating for me. As my heart is breaking still.
I told her this....."If you are having any doubts whatsoever, then please leave well enough alone" "Leave her where she is", "If you feel like you want to fight for your child, and have no reservations whatsoever, then I want you to get your baby back".
I cannot make any decisions for her, I can only try to keep my heart from going through a rollercoaster of ups and downs as she sorts out her feelings of depression.
My daughter is worried that her boyfriend, (and father of her child) will reject her if she chooses to get her baby back. I told her that if she really wants to be a mom, and get her child, YES it will be a struggle, all parenting is a strugle. There are no guarantees that things will be completely smooth for her if she gets her baby back as all of us who have kids know that there is no perfectly EASY DAYS in rearing a child. It is apparent that her boyfriend will walk away from the responsibility of parenting. My daughter will have to sort out what she feels is most important. Her child that she apparently desperately wants, or her boyfriend that she wants.
I have no idea what happened in that therapy session, but it has trickled to me, and my mind and heart is mush today.
I need so many prayers, on so many levels. Thank you for your prayers. I love you.
MJ
He even told me in a feeble way this morning that he will tell his "toxic friend" that he will not need him for "work" much longer. I can't let it get me TOO THRILLED because I wonder if he really will do that, FOR HIMSELF!
But, good news, (even if it is small), is good news.
I saw my therapist yesterday, and I realize just how fragile my mental state really is still.
I try to think strong. I try to think positive. I need you and all my friends here so very much. My therapist tells me to "not think about leaving my husband", at least not right now. I have told him that I think I can really get better mentally if I were able to get away from living with this, and he tells me that I need to work on my coping skills still, and try to live with the situation if I can.
Boy, does that confuse me!
Today is a bit hard on me.
I have a 19 year old daughter, who recently, 3/26/10 gave up her healthy baby girl for adoption. It was difficult enough to have to accept her choice and give her support. But, yesterday she saw HER therapist. (I had been asking her to get counseling for two years now), and apparently her therapist recommended that Sarah pursue her options of having her child back based on their conversations.
It is a bit to handle. I am elated. I am so supportive.
In the next breath, my girl starts to express her fear that she may not be able to handle having her child back, and she is having extreme doubts even though she is only considering having her child back!
This became so frustrating for me. As my heart is breaking still.
I told her this....."If you are having any doubts whatsoever, then please leave well enough alone" "Leave her where she is", "If you feel like you want to fight for your child, and have no reservations whatsoever, then I want you to get your baby back".
I cannot make any decisions for her, I can only try to keep my heart from going through a rollercoaster of ups and downs as she sorts out her feelings of depression.
My daughter is worried that her boyfriend, (and father of her child) will reject her if she chooses to get her baby back. I told her that if she really wants to be a mom, and get her child, YES it will be a struggle, all parenting is a strugle. There are no guarantees that things will be completely smooth for her if she gets her baby back as all of us who have kids know that there is no perfectly EASY DAYS in rearing a child. It is apparent that her boyfriend will walk away from the responsibility of parenting. My daughter will have to sort out what she feels is most important. Her child that she apparently desperately wants, or her boyfriend that she wants.
I have no idea what happened in that therapy session, but it has trickled to me, and my mind and heart is mush today.
I need so many prayers, on so many levels. Thank you for your prayers. I love you.
MJ
Stories like this make me cry! I am a fixer, and I wish I could fix this, however until he gets ready to stop there is really not anything you can do. Like I said yesterday......you need to take care of YOU! That's it! IT!!! Don't worry about what's going on with him today. Take today to take care of yourself. Go for walk or just do something to get some air and a fresh outlook. Things are TOO dark right now. You need some air and light! Just tell yourself that you will worry about it later, and try to get it out of your mind for a little bit. It may help you physically and mentally, which is my concern right now!
Good Girl !!!
Step away for a while...let yourself smile and even laugh...
Avis is right...lean on everyone you need to . We are strong together. Also,MJ, you are so bright and lovely. You have much to offer...post to folks on the forum and get
sharing all your wisdom and personal experience. There's much healing in that...
Love~ Vicki
Step away for a while...let yourself smile and even laugh...
Avis is right...lean on everyone you need to . We are strong together. Also,MJ, you are so bright and lovely. You have much to offer...post to folks on the forum and get
sharing all your wisdom and personal experience. There's much healing in that...
Love~ Vicki
Yeah you never want to go down his path .First off you are 100% right sub does not come up as an opiate it won't even come up on a normal drug test u have to have a special test . I am sure by now you have most likely discussed this with him .It very important you do .He needs to take accountability for his addiction and come clean .This of course is easy for me to say not so easy for himLOL.I would want to hear from him yes he has used recently .Here is my thought if he really wants to get clean he will be honest. I fear he is just telling you what you want to hear.It amazing how selfish addicts can be. You have cancer and he is more worried about his drugs .You have all of us to help you threw this lean on everyone you need too . We are here for you ....
avis
avis
All I can say now is LOVE YOU. THANK YOU, and YES MA'AM.
I will pull off. I mean it. I ordered the second drug test as he requested. And until it arrives, and he wants to test again, I will not speak one word of getting clean with him again.
I can let go and let God.
It WILL definately help me strengthen myself for MYSELF during this time.
I pray for you Vicki, and I just KNOW it will all be fine as long as people like you are here on this earth for people like me.
Love,
MJ
I will pull off. I mean it. I ordered the second drug test as he requested. And until it arrives, and he wants to test again, I will not speak one word of getting clean with him again.
I can let go and let God.
It WILL definately help me strengthen myself for MYSELF during this time.
I pray for you Vicki, and I just KNOW it will all be fine as long as people like you are here on this earth for people like me.
Love,
MJ
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