How did this all happen

[ITDHC]

This may be a little all over the place sorry.......
I was diagnosed with arthritis just over 13 years ago (after 5 years of being in constant pain) in my knees and prescribed Dihydrocodine 30mg to use 240mg per day. During this time I have been extremely stupid and have spent about 6 of these years over using (because of the high as well as the pain, I had never taken a drug before this and thought the pain free high's were a blessing) I spent about 3 years constantly going through w/d every week sometimes for 5-6 days, I even over used to the point of 1g a day, so yes I think I am addicted (my fault). At the beginning of this year my Doc left our surgery and I got a new one who asked why I was taking so much pain relief and told me I could get addicted if I took them for a long time??? is 13 years not enough?, I told him I was in server pain and on top I am a single farther who need's to work, so as I was always going to have the pain I wasn't to bothered about being addicted, the pills worked and I need the money to support my family. Straight away he accused me off selling the pills (I now have to give a urine sample once a month) and made me feel like I had demanded to be put on this drug and wanted to be addicted (yes the over use was my fault but I was back down to my proper dose by then and still on it). The one thing he did do for me was send me for the appropriate tests for my arthritis.....NOW it turns out I haven't even got arthritis... I need surgery because I have damaged my thigh bones (whilst in the army) and my knee caps do not run in their grooves (they have said they will do one knee at a time because I may need new kneecaps and I don't even know when they are going to do it) I have also damaged the cartilages and ligaments over time because of the alignment......So now I am already worrying about if surgery is going to work, then having to have it done twice, how much time I will need off work, will I get laid off and what would happen to my 2 sons and me then? I am defiantly pretty dam scared of withdrawal again after I struggled with it for so long and finally sorted myself out, which makes me want to elevate the worry by over using again. I am not blaming the drug for anything because it takes my pain away and now lets me live a (sort off) normal life, but I really really wish I had been diagnosed correctly all those years ago as sometimes (through my own fault) I feel I also have lived through hell. Oh and the doc says its my own fault if I go through withdrawal if I would have never over used I wouldn't have to go through them.....Sorry to blab on I just don't have anyone to voice this too and don't want to show the kids I am so scared. I feel I have totally let them down in every way and everything I have taught them about being a good member of society is a just a big sham like me.....again sorry for this being all muggled up and going on and on......any reply would be greatly appreciated I just don't want to feel alone
PS I have tried to tapper off but the pain is way to hard most of the time.

[ITDHC]

Thank you so much for posting and so quickly, that has made me feel confident there are other people in similar situations to me and may understand instead of judging me. Yeah DHC is very strong I think its about x2 as vicodin.
My doctor just blames me saying I have brought this on myself (superpose he is right) and my pain is still there so when I try tapering it's the pain that hits me before the w/d's, after my op I so hope I will be able to try it again because w/d's scare me so much... in the past I never even thought of looking on the internet for help and just went cold turkey every week and I hated it so much I would nearly do my weeks prescription as soon as I got it... real stupid I know.
With all you do your very inspiring so thanks again for posting.... I am glad tapering is working out for you

[shiningstar500]

This is what I was thinking of the tapering off for you might work. Maybe the doctor could switch your pain medicine to something that would work better. Is this medication stronger than vicodin or percocets? I have never heard of it before. We all go through struggles in your life and it is nothing to be ashamed of!! I also work full time, go to school and am a single mother of a 9 month old. I have been taking pills from a presciption for 6 years and like you I always ran out. I am doing the tapering method now and it is working good for me. You have to want to quit or it won't work. I have my mind made up that I will be so happier to not have to worry about those pills. I think alot about my life before pills and how carefree it was. I miss those days and that is what is getting me through this. Good luck to you and keep posting!!