I've given up... want help

[Jester2005]

Hi all,

So my common-law hubby is addicted to percocets and I've given up on helping him. I get so upset and stressed out over it that I've decided not to care any more... and I know this isn't helping him recover.

What I would like to know is, what do I do in the meantime? until HE is ready to quit? I know I need to take care of me first, but I need him to be healthy, too, in order for me to fully recover myself. I'm not saying I need him to get better first, just that we both need to be healthy.

How can I be supportive if he's not ready? How do I stay sane? I'm not going to leave him over his illness, I know that much... I have my own illness that he hasn't left me over.


What should I do?? Thanks in advance for your help an support  : )

[kim715]

I know you mentioned about the meetings in your area all being in churches and you not being able to find your way around,but I really believe that going to a meeting would make you feel so much better.We are all here for you and we truly care about you but there is just nothing like being face to face with a room full of people who know what you're going through,just like we do.Please hon,find a meeting.If it's a speaker meeting,take a friend so you won't have that uncomfortable feeling of wandering around at first.Take care of yourself.Lifting you up in prayer.All the best...Kim

[Jester2005]

Thank you to everyone... your prayers are so much greatly appreciated. I truly believe in the power of prayer, but unfortunately, I've lost my faith, so I don't believe that my own prayers are doing anything. I wish I could get it back, but I don't know how... after some sleep I realize that there's not much I can do for him except be there for him. When he's ready, he'll tell me... I just wish there was an easy solution.

[luppygirl]

Sorry to hear that he isn't ready for help.  That does really suck.  I wish there was some easy answer or advise i could give that would change everything but if there is I don't know what it is.  I do wish you the best and if you ever need anymore help I would glad to help in anyway I can.  I am not sure how much the information that I got you before helped  i hoped it helped a bit anyways.  Just take care of yourself first then just be there for him when you can. But really make sure you take care of yourself first!!!

[sway1]

they have them in the basement so you won't get struck by lightning......maybe.  seriously though, i am so impressed at your fortitude. to have pills in the house would be a total mind f**k for me. my ex husband is still using. we have a child together and a whole lotta history, but i know i can't even go near him. he is one of my biggest triggers. he doeesn't live near me, thankfully! i can't offer you any options that you haven't already heard. my prayers are with you. keep posting.  sway

[corey411]

When my sons addiction began effecting my life I told him it was time to go. You wouldn't believe some of the things that he said to me. Addicts are masters at manipulating others to get what we want. I educated myself on addiction as much as I could and actually went to some NA speaker meetings as well as narcanon. Talk to the speaker after the meeting and he or she will tell you what worked for them. Don't make excuses not to do this. It is important and is not going to get better. Always let him know that you love him but be strong and don't be taken in by the emotional blackmail. You don't want to leave him because of his disease....it's because he is not doing anything about it. I learned not to enable my son. He gives me alot of credit and is very grateful for that. He knows how hard it was for me to let him go. He has been clean 4 years on the 31st.  God bless. I know this is not easy...seek the help that is out there. GBU, Corey

[Jester2005]

I've looked for narcanon and all I can find is N/A... I just haven't gotten my behind out of the apartment and to a meeting yet... they all seem to be at Churches and I haven't been in one since High School or earlier. I don't know where to go once I find the building, lol... poor excuse, I know... I just don't want to wander around in there.

I have mentioned to him before that maybe he should get help on his own and when he's ready to be with me I'll take him back, but he says that if I leave him over his illness then he doesn't ever want to see me or hear from me. (I kinda understand that, but it's a long story... we have a LOT of history).

I know I can't make him want to quit or be ready, I just want to know how I can help him get there, help him want and be ready to quit... and for HIM, not me... y'know?

[kim715]

I'm not sure that I have any good advice,but I do want to offer my support.From what you have written,it doesn't sound like you don't care anymore,and thats okay.You don't have to stop caring about him getting well,but you do have to put your own recovery first.I wish I had some good answers for you hon.You are in a rough situation.I'm sure someone will come along who will be able to relate to your situation better and be able to shed some light on it.Hang in there and stay strong.Keeping you in my prayers.All the best...Kim

[mtgoat911]

when i decided to stop pills, my husband continued using, around my one year na anniversary i told him that he had to leave my life for good, or goto detox followed by sober living, then i would revist the relationship, it worked, he sought help and has been clean for almost 4 yrs\
you will find the best help at narcanon, if you refuse to go to these meetings, you can try online help at the family forum of opiatedetoxrecovery.com
i do have to say that i am happy to see you here again, i missed you