Aa
How do you do it?
I have been clean off vicodin for a little more than a month. I have been feeling pretty good, the mental stuff is still there, but I am dealing with it.
My question is this: How do you stay clean when everything in your life is going to hell??? I found out yesterday that I have ovarian cancer. Coming home after receiving this news, I noticed a paper on my front door. It was a notice to vacate my house by Dec 4th. I have been renting this house for 14 years. I have only been late with a small portion of my rent once in all those years. My landlords have been paying the mortgage on their house with my rent money and paying nothing on my house.I don't know what to do. My husband is out of town. I haven't told anybody about any of this. I know my daugher will go nuts if I tell her about the cancer and I don't want to worry my husband while he is on the road (he's a truck driver). I have been laying in bed crying since yesterday afternoon. I haven't eaten since then. I want to get high soo bad. I have already called my connection and set something up, but so far I have resisted going. I just want to get numb for a while and forget all of this. I know the problems will still be there, but I wont care for a while. I don't know what to do. I have 2 doga and 5 cats, how am I ever going to find another place to rent? Especially right before the holidays. I really want to get high.
My question is this: How do you stay clean when everything in your life is going to hell??? I found out yesterday that I have ovarian cancer. Coming home after receiving this news, I noticed a paper on my front door. It was a notice to vacate my house by Dec 4th. I have been renting this house for 14 years. I have only been late with a small portion of my rent once in all those years. My landlords have been paying the mortgage on their house with my rent money and paying nothing on my house.I don't know what to do. My husband is out of town. I haven't told anybody about any of this. I know my daugher will go nuts if I tell her about the cancer and I don't want to worry my husband while he is on the road (he's a truck driver). I have been laying in bed crying since yesterday afternoon. I haven't eaten since then. I want to get high soo bad. I have already called my connection and set something up, but so far I have resisted going. I just want to get numb for a while and forget all of this. I know the problems will still be there, but I wont care for a while. I don't know what to do. I have 2 doga and 5 cats, how am I ever going to find another place to rent? Especially right before the holidays. I really want to get high.
Yipee! I am so glad your have your daughter with you. I knew it would help if you just had someone who loves you there..........Guess my prayer for ya worked!! I will keep it up.
Hi everyone. My daughter showed up last night about 8:00. She said she could tell by my voice that something was wrong. We had a long talk. We were both trying to be strong for the other but we ended up having a good cleansing cry together. She and my Grand-daughter spent the night with me so I wasn't alone, I spent the evening rocking and cuddling with my Grand-daughter.My daughter handled things better than I thought.I feel so much better having told her. She also is in love with 2 of my cats and she said that she would take them for me if I needed her too.
To: XRU11, I have been diagnosed with stage 1 C cancer. I am still in the first stages so I am semi- hopeful.
I am going to do some research and hopefully I can find a way to at least stay in my home until after the holidays. I don't know if I can, but I am going to sure try. This is just too much for me too handle all at once.
I can't put into words how much you all helped me last night. I hope one day I can be there for you all if you need me. You don't know how very much I appreciate all of you.
Huge hugs to you all. I am going to shower and take my girls out for breakfast. I will come back on in a little while.
Love to you all, Becki
To: XRU11, I have been diagnosed with stage 1 C cancer. I am still in the first stages so I am semi- hopeful.
I am going to do some research and hopefully I can find a way to at least stay in my home until after the holidays. I don't know if I can, but I am going to sure try. This is just too much for me too handle all at once.
I can't put into words how much you all helped me last night. I hope one day I can be there for you all if you need me. You don't know how very much I appreciate all of you.
Huge hugs to you all. I am going to shower and take my girls out for breakfast. I will come back on in a little while.
Love to you all, Becki
It Does seem to poor does it not when it starts to rain.With more clean time you start to learn how to deal with triggers without using it is difficult and even with over a year clean there are still times when things get rough it crosses my mind here is where recovery care is soooooo important when things get overwhelming I get my butt to the counselor you need to have someone there to lean on.
I am very sorry about your cancer my son had cancer two years ago we still fear it coming back almost all of the time but you make the best of every moment you have with your loved ones .
I am here if you ever need to talk
avis
I am very sorry about your cancer my son had cancer two years ago we still fear it coming back almost all of the time but you make the best of every moment you have with your loved ones .
I am here if you ever need to talk
avis
Morning Dog lover Hope you got some sleep.. No words of wisdom just checking how you are doing today... warmly lesa
Get yourself to an NA, AA meeting, post, talk it out, journal, go to a counselor and remember that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
We can ALWAYS find a reason to use again. No matter how serious or insignificant... we can always find a reason. It's called rationalization and man, are we addicts good at it!!
Life is FULL of pain and hardships that we must weather in order to come out stronger, but WE DO come out stronger with yet another experience we made it through, ones we can be proud of how we handled it so that WE can help others who come after us as we ask for advice from those who came before.
Once you GET clean, you STAY clean by remembering how important the little things are, how you feel when you FEEL something great without being in an altered mental state, how you see things clearer now...hang on to THAT with both hands because with the bitter comes the sweet. Otherwise, how would we be able to tell the difference between living and purely existing.
All I know is that after having existed for way too long, I WANT TO LIVE and some days it IS as simple as that... DO I WANT TO LIVE OR DO I WANT TO DIE? You don't have to be flatlined to be dead.
This world has so many wonderful treasures in it. You mean so much to so many.... remember THAT as well.
God bless you and what you're going through. If HE brings you TO it, he WILL bring you THROUGH it. You haven't come this far to throw it all away.
Remember you ARE worth it and you're the most worth it when you feel you really aren't.
The most important moment of your life is right now and right now and right now, etc. Be gentle with what is.
We can ALWAYS find a reason to use again. No matter how serious or insignificant... we can always find a reason. It's called rationalization and man, are we addicts good at it!!
Life is FULL of pain and hardships that we must weather in order to come out stronger, but WE DO come out stronger with yet another experience we made it through, ones we can be proud of how we handled it so that WE can help others who come after us as we ask for advice from those who came before.
Once you GET clean, you STAY clean by remembering how important the little things are, how you feel when you FEEL something great without being in an altered mental state, how you see things clearer now...hang on to THAT with both hands because with the bitter comes the sweet. Otherwise, how would we be able to tell the difference between living and purely existing.
All I know is that after having existed for way too long, I WANT TO LIVE and some days it IS as simple as that... DO I WANT TO LIVE OR DO I WANT TO DIE? You don't have to be flatlined to be dead.
This world has so many wonderful treasures in it. You mean so much to so many.... remember THAT as well.
God bless you and what you're going through. If HE brings you TO it, he WILL bring you THROUGH it. You haven't come this far to throw it all away.
Remember you ARE worth it and you're the most worth it when you feel you really aren't.
The most important moment of your life is right now and right now and right now, etc. Be gentle with what is.
I see alot of talk about your situation , but no one has really answered your question about how to deal with the stress of everyday life without using. as addicts, all of us use dope to deal with the things that other people deal with sober. try talkin to a pastor, or pray if your a religous person. that helps, but it wont take the problems away. see, the hardest thing for me to do is deal with problems without using, same as you. I think in my case, I have learned that using only makes my problems worse. not only are the problems still there when ya come down, they are usually worse then they were in the first place. If you need to find a place to live, do you think it will be easier next week when ya come down from the high? prolly not, it just means you have even less time to search for a place cuz ya wasted time being high!! take ONE problem at a time, think it thru..... work out that one problem without using. then tackle the next one. I know your living situation is not your fault, but the fact is you are left to deal with the problem yourself. I also know that right now your situation seems hopeless, but keep your head up and just keep tackling problems one at a time. You will be amazed at the "high" you will get by solving that first problem sober!! it is a wonderfull feeling, and EVERY time you do it sober, it feels better and better. after awhile it feels like you are almost a normal person again!!
on your cancer, I will pray for you nightly when i pray for my moms, she is battling cancer now. i pray you will feel better, and that all will turn out well for you!!!
BTW- very happy you have decided not to contact your connect to score, that is the kinda the first problem solved with sober thinking!!
on your cancer, I will pray for you nightly when i pray for my moms, she is battling cancer now. i pray you will feel better, and that all will turn out well for you!!!
BTW- very happy you have decided not to contact your connect to score, that is the kinda the first problem solved with sober thinking!!
Not sure about telling the family immediately ,,,,,,, mine was a liver thing thing that put me in full tilt positive airpressure spacesuit isolation What a wierd feeling that is .... and the chemo would have destroyed everything if I hadnt told the family.....as a husband, I would want my wife ti know..... tell him and develop a plan for teling the kids.... It is premature, but a gruop called "Compasionate Friends" is great at working with siblings that have lost another sibling ,,, and they also are good at counseling parents / children of any age or situation. These people are pro's and they know how to handle these situations well - I would suggest that you contact them before you tell the kids - they very well may have a good hint or some good advice for you to use - they are truly compassionate friends.....and they are listed in most phone books as such...... check them out - and I am currently a 14 year survivor of chemo no picnic, but hey! whats a good Picnic without a few bugs? Cry for awhile if you need to - I certainly did....and theres nothing wron with it...... after getting that type of diagnosis I was literlly in a fog for quite awhile....it took a ckinical trial at MAYO combo to help me out. I wouldnt be writing this to you now if I hadnt taken that chance......Life comes to all of us one day at a time....... dont stop making plans - but realize that your life will never be exactly the same again,,,,but that doesnt mean that you have to quit living..... you can be a living chemo patient and still have a personal life to lead - - - and thats where you are right now .......become as informed of your illness as is possible.....knowledge is power when dealing with this ..........
What stage of Ovarian Cancer were you diagnosed with,..................... If it were me in that truck with a wife hurting and sad, I would want her to tell me,...even from a distance I would want to do everything possible to help comfort my family. I'm saying,...TELL HIM!!!
You HAVE to tell your daughter and your husband. How happy will your daughter feel that you couldn't share this low time in your life with her. AND your husband should come in off the road. YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALONE! You need to be surrounded by people that love you and will help you. I will say a prayer for you, but please call someone who can be with you!
So, how do you guys deal with stuff like this while clean? Before if I got bad news, I would just run to the pill bottle. I am not doing too good here. I feel like I am climbing the walls. Nothing I am doing is helping. I can't get the bad news out of my head for even a second. I keep thinking of worst case scenarios. I wish my husband was home from his job, he wont be here until Monday night. I know I need to tell my daughter what's going on, but I just can't stress her out, I talked to her a few minutes ago and she sounded so happy, I don't want to upset her. If any body has any advice for me I would really appreciate it. Thank you.
going to see your connection will only make things worse, and will not make a single problem go away. The one thing you have going positive (besides us here ;o) is your clean off of the hydros. You cannot be alone though, you must let your family know. It is not fair to them or you to keep this news to yourself. Hang in there!
You do that :) Come back and let us know how you are doing...
I worded that wrong. I meant I would regret it if I went. I think I will take half of the atavan and try to eat something. I havent eaten in over 24 hours. Thank you Lesa.
No I do not think you will regret it at all... With what you have ahead you are needed by your family to do the best by yourself you can... You owe it to yourself and to your beautiful family.. I think you will feel a great sense of relief and pride.. If we have learned to be anything through this He!! it is resiliency..
You are so worth taking the time for.. Yes take 1/2 Atavan that is what the Doc prescribed them for... It will not interfere with your clean time.. Only use them sparingly, when you are feeling panicky... Things will be alright you will see.. Once more peps that love you find out you will have more support you will see... A big warm hug is going out on Cyber space directly to you...
PS. I have decided I am NOT going to go see my connection. I am sure I will regret it.
That's what I will have to do. It is going to break my heart if I can't take all of them. I am a wreck right now. I keep thinking of all the homeless stuff and about my pets, then I wonder how I am going to get through all of that while undergoing cancer treatments.
My Dr. gave me a small prescription for 10 atavan because I was so hysterical after my diagnoses. I wonder if it will be OK to maybe take a half of one? I have never really taken those kinds of pills before. Will that endanger my clean time off the vicodin?
Lesa, I can't thank you enough for listening to me whine here. Like I said, just knowing somebody is there is really helping. You are very sweet to take time out of your day to help me out.
My Dr. gave me a small prescription for 10 atavan because I was so hysterical after my diagnoses. I wonder if it will be OK to maybe take a half of one? I have never really taken those kinds of pills before. Will that endanger my clean time off the vicodin?
Lesa, I can't thank you enough for listening to me whine here. Like I said, just knowing somebody is there is really helping. You are very sweet to take time out of your day to help me out.
I have 3 dogs myself and can not imagen the worry right now... Maybe keep Harley with you as 1 is more acceptable then many.. Just till you find what you need....
I can't stop thinking about my Border Collie Harley, he's the big guy in the picture. Last year I went to Colo. for a week to visit my brother. Harley stopped eating and drinking and had to stay overnight at the vets with IV fluids, the vet said he was depressed that I was gone. He has great seperation anxiety. He is my baby. Thank you for talking with me Lesa. Just knowing there is somebody out there "listening" is a great help. Thank you so much.
i can understand that one they are like children.. I also know what you mean about friends I think all of us are there or have been... Your family would probably want to comfort you right now... As far as the pets maybe temporary homes with family or volunteers like Friends of Animals is their name here.. They will foster in difficult times..
I don't want to worry anybody. I lost contact with some of my friends during my addiction. I am starting to get back in touch with people now. I have my husband and my kids. My daughter would flip out if I told her. I know I will have to eventually, but I need to calm myself before I tell my kids. My daughter has a 4 month old baby, she doesn't need to worry. I can't believe I'm going to be homeless. I don't want to have to give up my pets. I am more worried about them right now then I am about myself. Thank you for listening.
Oh man I'm so freakin sorry but getting high is not going to make you forget.. Is there someone close to you, you can call.. Have them come over and be with you.. Do not suffer alone if you do not have to.. I wish I had more to offer I just know getting high is not what you need right now.. lesa
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