Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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8566467 tn?1398742815

How long

Hey everyone. im not sure if anyone will even care to read my post but im new to coming clean about my addiction to narcotic pain killers. Im find it easier, even with a great support team to find comfort in reading posts from other addicts and researching about everything associated with withdrawal and addiction.

For the past 3 years my love for opiates have grown extremely high. At a point in time I was taking up five 30mgs a day, My dosage really determined what I could get my hands on. A bit more recently I was taking a 80 OC and probably another half a day. Ever since Ive gotten with my now fiance a year ago (who is clean and supportive and patient about quitting) ive been battling with quitting.

In all of 3 years the longest i went was 4 days and everyday i was on the hunt for more, endless crying, and lashing out. Withdrawals are the hardest Ive ever had to face thus far and that really says alot. Of course i eventually found more.

But starting ten days ago ive opened up to more people about my addiction and decided im ready to make that change for myself, my future kids, my health (im now wear glasses after a life of 20/20 vision), my fiance (he shouldnt have to deal with this) and my wallet!

So today i have one 10mg left and im scared to take it because ive went all day without it (pupils started dialating, anxiety, tiredness from lack of sleep) I got some Loperamide tablets after spending all day researching and taken 8 thus far. I guess im okay, not as anxious. Does any have tips, aids, kind words, etc to give? Im open.
38 Responses
Avatar universal
Everyone is scared when quitting. That what makes us want to use more. Yes it will be crappy for a couple weeks but focus on the prize at the end - a clear sober life with your fiancé. He must love you very much to be so supportive.

Now be careful with the Lopramide. I have read elsewhere of people using it in large amounts when detoxing and then having a habit from them. So use it when you need for the diariha and no more. You want to rid your body of opiates, not replace with something else.

I have been using Elimidrol in my taper off norcos and it helps a lot with feeling better, clearing the foggy head and the night formula helps to sleep. You can order online. There are a bunch of vitamins etc in the Thomas or Larry Recipes on line. Either way you choose, you spend about the same amounts.

For the restless legs and joint/bone pain hot Epson salt baths work great.

You can't get rid of the wds all together but many things can help. Try to get up and do things. I find I feel worse when I am laying there. Cleaning walking working helps the body and mind. Drink lots of water or Gatorade. Try to eat. Many times your stomach will feel bad because you are hungry or dehydrated.

You CAN do this!! Lean on your fiancé. Stay calm and just let it be. Don't be scared. Be determined. This is it!! We are here for it all. Keep posting please.
Avatar universal
Qwerty9090, first of all please understand that you are not alone. There are many people just like you and the beauty of you being here is You Have Hade Enough. You have had enough of the emptiness that comes with abusing opiates. If sneaks up on you and it quickly takes a hold that is so powerful that you can't break that hold without help. The most important step to changing your life is something you have done here on your post. You have admitted you have a problem and you are seeking help. Thanks God you have a mate who is supportive and give him a kudos from me. The terrible thing about addiction is addiction loves for us to keep the secret. I hid it from my family for a few years although it manifested itself in me becoming a crummy dad and husband. I was taking a lot more opiates than you so know you can do this.

The only thing you should worry about for the next week or so is to get yourself through detox. I wished I could say it was going to be easy but you've taken opiates long enough that it is going to suck. If you haven't taken that last pill you may as well flush it and start your walk to being clean and happy. You will experience everything you have read about. Make sure you stay hydrated, hydrated, hydrated. You will not want food or water but make sure you drink a ton. Water and PowerAde so  you get some electrolytes. Hopefully you can stay home and all you can do is try to rest and let the clock tick away. You will feel terrible during day 1, 2, 3, 4 and hopefully better and better from day 5 on. If you can afford it, it would be worth checking into a detox hospital so that you get 24 hour care. WD's from opiates will not kill you although it feels like it. Getting clean is basically two part: 1. detoxing and the physical part 2. The emotional and spiritual part. Both are going to be a struggle but it is so, so, worth it to be clean and healthy and happy. I've been clean going on 16 months and my worst day clean is much better than my best day high. If you want to post back and forth let me know and I will try to help you with the experiences and things I've learned. Make sure to thank your boyfriend for his help and let him know you may be a B%%%% for the next 5 or 6 days. lol. once you start and you feel like crap don't turn around and go the other way. Keep going forward and it wont be long until you reach the other side.
Avatar universal
Great post!!  Also think about the aftercare once you are through the physical worst. Go to AA or NA meetings for support. Cut your ties to how you buy. Talk to your doctor. Delete any numbers emails text messages you have. No more friends who use if you have any.

Maybe some addiction counseling to help you understand what hot you here and to stay on the right path. This is a lifetime path to stay sober. Be strong. Want it!!!
8566467 tn?1398742815
Thank you so much M1. I have also read about the addiction to the lope but i figure its gotta be easier than this you know. I have kava stress relief tea and eucalyptus stress relief lotion that i will definitely use in a bit when i muster up the lady balls to move around again :) I feel like i have to keep posting, keep reaching out, keep opening up bc it makes it easier when more people know about whats going on versus walking around miserable and not a fun person to be around. when people know they try to uplift and extend themselves. thats so beautiful to me. im very grateful and excited about the new encounters i will make on here as well.

Im terrified as ****. Its like im walking on blind fatih with this battle aganist myself. I dont want to relapse. But i cant help but think what if i do?! Then again ill be a failure.

I do also understand i got myself in this position. I would have to go through withdrawls if i did not get addicted. Hopefully it lasts 5-7 days like i read somewhere. the stomach jitters and cant relax even though im extremely tired is the worse.

I have subway btw and two gallons of water bedside currently trying to watch funny stuff to keep my spirits up and talk with you guys :)
5347058 tn?1381188426
Hi and welcome! Congratulations on taking the first step towards regaining your life. Here are a few things that really helped me along during my detox. Stay hydrated. Lots of water and natural juices. Try to stay away from caffeine and sugary drinks. Eat unprocessed healthy foods. Lots of fruits and veggies, whole grains and lean protein. Imodium for any diarrhea that you have. Hot baths with epsom salts for aches and pains, anxiety, and restless leg syndrome. Get up and move as much as you can. This is huge! You won't feel like doing anything, but even pushing yourself to go on a few 15 minute walks a day will help to speed up the recovery process. Be sure that you have cut your sources for the pills. If you don't, it's just too easy to pick right back up where you left off. This is a hard thing to do, but it is totally doable.You can do this!! Please stick around and keep posting. We will be here for you every step of the way. Oh, and flush that last pill!! It's not going to do anything for you. Plus, flushing it will empower you more that you could ever imagine. Good luck to you! Take care and keep your head up.
Avatar universal
That is the perfect attitude!!  Keep it up. Mindset is one of the hardest parts. Gotta keep positive!!  Even when it is really bad.

Ok back to the Lopramide. - search for Lopramide wds on the web. Read the experiences. What I read sounded like it was really bad wd if you take a bunch for awhile. Please be careful.

Now as for relapsing. Nope you don't want to but so many have. You pick yourself up and start again. Not a failure. Just a setback. Many here have had tough starts but made it bc they had your attitude and didn't let a setback keep them down. I hope you have a good night tonight. Tomorrow will be day 2 then?  Yeah!!!
8566467 tn?1398742815
"I've been clean going on 16 months and my worst day clean is much better than my best day high"

That made me smile! I can not wait until i reach that point. Wearing many hats like being a husband and dad seems like it makes it worse bc you have to put on this mask for your children at least. How did you cope through the detox week?

Im kicking myself right now bc i have gotten to that day 4 and if only i had more will power at the time i was only 2 days from being done with detoxing. but here i am re starting, open and willing.

I opened the infamous pill bottle that sits in my purse and stared at that pill for a good 60 seconds and closed the bottle, threw my purse down and walked out my walk-in closet where i spent many of days and some sleepness nights where everyone was out and i had to go with anything bc i had no other choice. lots of those times my fiance coming in there sitting with me on the floor with the light off and trying to pull myself out of myself at least just to talk.

Its crazy how something so lifeless can take over your life and before you know it youre in too deep. I write as well, i beileve apart of me dealing i woill have to associate writing with it.

I wasnt going to admit it but ive already been opened about this deepest demon, but im scared to flush it or give it to my fiance just to get it out of my possession. What if i have a really horrible night and need 2mg out of the 10mg just to calm me? i know that sounds horrbile, but i guess thats why im here :(
5347058 tn?1381188426
That doesn't sound horrible, it sounds like an addict's brain telling lies. Every single one of us has had that thought on more than one occasion. Our brains try to fool us into keeping a backup plan 'just in case'. 'I can't tell my doctor I'm an addict, because I might need meds at some point.' 'I can't delete my dealer's number.' 'I can't flush these pills, because I might have a very bad night and need just one.' You don't need that pill. No matter how rough the detox gets, you can make it through without using. One pill is not going to do anything but lead to 100 more. You can do this! Get through this detox, focus on your recovery, and you will never have to go through this again.
Avatar universal
Don't be so hard on your self for relapsing. It happens to the best of the best. You would be amazed how many doctors, lawyers, pro athletes, garbage men, bums, school teachers and such have battled addiction. Addiction plays no favorites.

Do me and yourself a favor. That one pill will not do much as far as making you feel better. Taking 2mg is not hardly anything and your body will gobble it up like a starving dog. If you fed a starving dog one chicken nugget would he be full? No! He would still be starving. Please know I'm not calling you a dog its just a analogy lol. I know it's tough and I know you are feeling like you are all alone and the only one feeling this way. You have to be a really special unique person to have your boyfriend with you battling this fight. If I could take this awful physical distress away from you for an hour at a time I would and I don't even know you. If you go back to taking more opiates to feel a little bit better you are going to have to go through the same hell over and over. I went through three stupid relapses and each time the detox hell got worse and worse until I had a seizure from taking opiates and benzo's. That was almost 16 months ago and my life could not be better. I like you have an awesome mate who is very supportive of me and like you I am so lucky. You can do this. Its going to be nearly impossible to sleep and it will make you feel like your going crazy. Don't give up girl friend. Its worth it. It is really worth it.
Avatar universal
It will be hard detoxing with kids. Can someone help you with them. You are going to need to worry only about yourself. if you don't get yourself clean you will not be the mother you know you can be.
Avatar universal
Good evening qwerty. First of all congrats on making a huge decision to post your story. Not sure if someone mentioned it, but please have plenty of immodium ad on hand. Stomach and sneezes were horrible for me.
Besides all the wonderful advice you have received already, I have some more.
POST and POST often. I orginally discovered this site in 2012 for my Norco addicition. The first week of detox I lived on this site. I formed some of the best friendships of my life with people I had never met. Im a 6 ft 1, 250 pd dude and I was moved to tears by the love and support from people who just wanted to help, educate and support. I must have posted 25 times in the first 5 days.
As someone mentioned one pill wont do anything to help you, but it will drive you crazyyyyyyy, just knowing its there. I know it is scary as hell. Get rid of that evil demon seed and lets get to work.
I and so many others will be here for ya.
Big hug in advance
8566467 tn?1398742815
VERY uplifting and inspiring! youre right. no doubt about it. Im going to try to focus on being active and talking. talking and laughing helps with that funny feeling in the throat.

anyone else know what im talking about?

8566467 tn?1398742815
oh by all means i did not take it offensive in the least bit. I totally understand the analogy, and it makes perfect sense. im still going strong. Took my daily black seed oil, pre natal vitamin (IM NOT PREGNANT AND I DO NOT HAVE KIDS YET ^_^) and keratin/biotin vitamin. Im eat failry healthy. Not big on processed, or fast food. LOVE kale. NO soda. Drinking juice now because it also helps with the funny feeling in the thoart (can anyone else relate?) But these dang demon opiates are my downfall. Ive been through alot with two addict parents most of my life (mom is clean and im open with her about everything, havent talked to dad in 6 years idk where he is and not that bothered) so i know im stronge. But i have also recognized that a battle with yourself is the hardest.

You are very kind BD1313!! I appreciate it. It does make it a tad bit bearable to have a partner who you can be open with and to hold your hand, or when your having a crying fit just to hold you. God, im so thankful. I never thought about quitting before him. He really has opened my eyes in many ways.
8566467 tn?1398742815
you guys have helped me through today and i cant express how much that means to me. truly. it is 8:32pm where i am. i would like to be relaxed by 11?? at best lol if that is even possible. any ideas??? pleaseeee??
3197167 tn?1348968606
Welcome aboard girl~  Just read your whole thread.....you have been given some grand counsel......and you have a REALLY GOOD attitude.
That will help you A LOT.  Being open about your addiction and talking to others will help you a lot.  So will eliminating our sources and considering some type of aftercare.

I remember when I quit.....I was scared to quit....and scared NOT to quit.  I had a half a bottle of pills left the day I became determined that the time was NOW to quit.  My hubby got rid of the entire bottle for me by throwing one at a time out the window down our country road......better for the skunks and rabbits to be high than his wife...hahaha

Just like your positive attitude and being open about your addiction will help you....so will eliminating that pill and cutting off ALL your sources.  See, our head knows if we have a "connect" open or not.  I told my doctor and my dealer......and I had the full support of my husband and family.
I figured I didn't need a safety net or a back up plan if I was TRULY done.

You CAN DO THIS.....if you want more to read or a good video to watch about addiction, let me know.  I'm a research freak....hahaha......the better I understand addiction, the better I understand myself.

Let us know how we can help.....and go flush that pill or give it to your fiancé to dispose of......it will SO LIBERATE you.....is REALLY WILL.

Well be here for ya....keep posting ok?
Avatar universal
short walk if you can, hot bath, sleepy time tea.
8566467 tn?1398742815
Thanks bones! ive have painted a picture of this gentle but strong bear in my mind of you. Im never really on my laptop as much, but today, WHEW TODAY!! lol. it has been a wonderful experience to just have the chats i have been having so i totally see where you are coming from. My demeanor is tough and upbeat, loving, but without pills it forces me to be open, and i know that is what i ultimately NEED. i shut down, i turn people away, i dont wake up happy and okay until i have a pill, and even then im still just going through the motions of living.

I cant take not living anymore. I want to live. DANGIT i need to live.
8566467 tn?1398742815
youre awesome, okay! i know everyone keeps saying flush it or give it to my fiance to dispose of it, but im scared to even look at it right now for fear of just one swift pop down the hatch since the jitters are coming back.

I feel this step of going all day without the crutch and reaching out and opening up was my big step for the day. But thank you very much.

I dont really have a steady dealer, its more so different networking skills with people through other people. "The dealers" dont even know im addicted is one of the crazy parts! lol smh. simply because i buy from different people all the time, all during the month, and some only when its desparate measures.

what gets me about dealers or just people who have the pills are they make it a hassle to even get it from them at times! lol. thats another part which makes looking for more aggravating and wanting me to be done with the headache.

and your husband is abso right! better the animals than his lovely wife. good technique btw...why did he do it one by one?
Avatar universal
You are not alone. I used to have to take a pill every morning, I would take them for every stupid occasion, kids plays, the movies- of course the seats were TOO uncomfortable, before church, my goodness that one hurts to even type. The mind plays horrible tricks that tells you everything is better with a pill, Im so familiar with that BS lie. Im glad to hear about your healthy eating, and staying hydrated GOOD! I just started a Plant Based diet this week and look forward to how the body and mind respond with better nutition. I wont sugar coat it, the first week, especially day 4 will be a BIACHHH, but try to occupy your mind. We were so good a clock watching for our next pill, that it is hard to stop. Throw Bridesmaids in the Blueray, and just try to laugh for a bit, laughter is so therapeutic.
My own story is just stupid, clean for a year and just caved and got more from my DOC, a year later here I am. I never got up too where you were, but close enough.
You can make it my friend, I look forward to our success.
8566467 tn?1398742815
def day 2! thanks for setting that in place for me ^_^ i literally just took a deeeeep breath and still feeling these jitters has me shaking my head. i cant wait to see the light at the end of the tunnel you know?
8566467 tn?1398742815
oh by all means i did not take it offensive in the least bit. I totally understand the analogy, and it makes perfect sense. im still going strong. Took my daily black seed oil, pre natal vitamin (IM NOT PREGNANT AND I DO NOT HAVE KIDS YET ^_^) and keratin/biotin vitamin. Im eat failry healthy. Not big on processed, or fast food. LOVE kale. NO soda. Drinking juice now because it also helps with the funny feeling in the thoart (can anyone else relate?) But these dang demon opiates are my downfall. Ive been through alot with two addict parents most of my life (mom is clean and im open with her about everything, havent talked to dad in 6 years idk where he is and not that bothered) so i know im stronge. But i have also recognized that a battle with yourself is the hardest.

You are very kind BD1313!! I appreciate it. It does make it a tad bit bearable to have a partner who you can be open with and to hold your hand, or when your having a crying fit just to hold you. God, im so thankful. I never thought about quitting before him. He really has opened my eyes in many ways.
8566467 tn?1398742815
i got real butters in my stomach when you said OUR success, not just the jitters i am feeling lol :) life seems alot easier with just taking a pill to enjoy yourself,  but i noticed being sedated my laugh isnt has genuine and hearty, my face doesnt glow, my hazel eyes look a dull regular brown.  

i like to beileve the lope is making the withdrawals i little bit more bearable because i havent shut completely down like i would have routinely done. i really am tired though and just want to sleep ( im typing this with one hand) but i cant relax then again i cant muster enough energy to go make that tea or take that shower to use my stress relief lotion.  
Avatar universal
You can do it kid, stay strong, and I will check with you tomorrow for day 2.
Best wishes, and I will pray for you tonight.
Avatar universal
Hope you're feeling better today. Change is the biggest hurdle. I have literally tried to expunge anything out of my life that reminds me of using. I wont watch certain tv shows or movies, I wont go to certain places, I stay away from people, my husband and I even sold our family SUV because it had so many bad memories. We got another to start fresh. It does get easier. Dont focus on the negative. It will get you nowhere but using again. You will have so much more joy (and money lol) when you're sober. One day at a time. The first 30 days are a true test of willpower. I detoxed from heroin at my grandmas house. I stayed locked in her back bedroom and laid in bed for 7 days. It was like the worse case of the flu times 100. It got easier everyday. I started going to church and opening my heart. My husband is supportive and he tries to understand and help me. I communicate with him a lot more now. We have five little ones so that was an even bigger reason to get and stay clean.
You have to have some kind of plan for aftercare to help with staying sober. Its crucial. We have all tried and failed many times to do it on our own. Rome wasn't built in a day and you're not going to be fixed over night. It takes time. I go to group counseling and one of the counselors has been clean for 17 years and he still goes to NA because he knows if he doesnt have that guidance he could relapse.
It does get easier one day at a time. Dont think days or months or years. Get thru today. Don't worry about things you cant control or change. Let it go. You have an awesome fiance and you have a life planned together. Dont give yourself the short end of the stick and deprive yourself of a long happy life. Yes were addicts and we messed up. But were human and when you get to the root of what your pain is emotionally its all sunshine from there. I wish you the very best and Im praying for you and your recovery. One day at a time and it DOES GET EASIER...I promise it does:)
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