Aa
How to help/deal with a loved one with a drug problem
I feel like I'm at the end of my rope! Having a heart condition (open heart surgery) recently, the stress of dealing with a unhappy child on drugs and knowing what to do for them,the right way to handle the situation, and not cause them more trouble is
becoming more difficult each day. Question, do I keep calm and agree with them, listen to there problems,or get angry and shout and say "you have to help yourself first"? Please give me any advice so I will do the right thing. Thank You!
becoming more difficult each day. Question, do I keep calm and agree with them, listen to there problems,or get angry and shout and say "you have to help yourself first"? Please give me any advice so I will do the right thing. Thank You!
Dear Leah,
Hi. I came to this forum several weeks ago as you have. I was looking for advice on how to help my daughter ,age 22,that is an addict. The people on this forum are great help to each other and also to me. I too have a serious health problem.My daughter lived with me along with her husband and a four year old and a baby.I tried talking to her. Begging her.Telling her all the dangers and being there for her. All I got back was ,"tend to your own life,not mine." I came to this forum and was told what to look for and what to exspect. I was given advice and lifted up when I was down.
My daughter had it made here. They paid no rent. Didn't help with groceries.Didn't help with the chores and I took care of the four year old when she went out,which was often.Then I remembered this is my home! So I told her,respect me and your father,help where you can and I'll always be here for you.GET HELP! She didn't have a problem. She really didn't. She took her pain meds in a couple of days and then hit mine and I would end up doing without.I didn't think things could get worse but they did. She became not only disrespectful but started cussing her father and me out whenever she felt like it. Final straw. I realized I was being the co-dependant. I was making it possible for her to get her drugs. She could buy then when her prescriptions ran out because she didn't have to pay for anything.With strength from God and words of wisdom from the people on this forum, the next time she cussed us out, I through her out. Yes ,kids and husband too. I knew they had the money to get an apartment.If they didn't they could sleep in the car. I knew she loved the kids too much to let them be hurt.So they did get an apartment and she promised she would never speak to me again.Within in 2 days she was talking. It's been 2 weeks now and they are making it.She approached me for the first time last week about rehab . She's on probation and afraid she'll go to jail if she doesn't get help. She's right.Now she has to do it or spend 3 years in jail if she breaks her probation. Whatever happens,she's in controll of it.I have a book called tough love. I knew what I should do but couldn't for fear of what would happen to her. That's why it's called tough love.Don't let her destroy you like I almost let my daughter do to me and my husband. If she is a minor,get her put on probation.Here we have a program that helps minors and parents.Sorry this is so long but do talk to the people on this forum.They care.Don't get scared off when the conversation gets strange. I nearly did but was patient and realized they know each other well enough to speak their mind and still care about each other.
God Bless,
Kerrie
Hi. I came to this forum several weeks ago as you have. I was looking for advice on how to help my daughter ,age 22,that is an addict. The people on this forum are great help to each other and also to me. I too have a serious health problem.My daughter lived with me along with her husband and a four year old and a baby.I tried talking to her. Begging her.Telling her all the dangers and being there for her. All I got back was ,"tend to your own life,not mine." I came to this forum and was told what to look for and what to exspect. I was given advice and lifted up when I was down.
My daughter had it made here. They paid no rent. Didn't help with groceries.Didn't help with the chores and I took care of the four year old when she went out,which was often.Then I remembered this is my home! So I told her,respect me and your father,help where you can and I'll always be here for you.GET HELP! She didn't have a problem. She really didn't. She took her pain meds in a couple of days and then hit mine and I would end up doing without.I didn't think things could get worse but they did. She became not only disrespectful but started cussing her father and me out whenever she felt like it. Final straw. I realized I was being the co-dependant. I was making it possible for her to get her drugs. She could buy then when her prescriptions ran out because she didn't have to pay for anything.With strength from God and words of wisdom from the people on this forum, the next time she cussed us out, I through her out. Yes ,kids and husband too. I knew they had the money to get an apartment.If they didn't they could sleep in the car. I knew she loved the kids too much to let them be hurt.So they did get an apartment and she promised she would never speak to me again.Within in 2 days she was talking. It's been 2 weeks now and they are making it.She approached me for the first time last week about rehab . She's on probation and afraid she'll go to jail if she doesn't get help. She's right.Now she has to do it or spend 3 years in jail if she breaks her probation. Whatever happens,she's in controll of it.I have a book called tough love. I knew what I should do but couldn't for fear of what would happen to her. That's why it's called tough love.Don't let her destroy you like I almost let my daughter do to me and my husband. If she is a minor,get her put on probation.Here we have a program that helps minors and parents.Sorry this is so long but do talk to the people on this forum.They care.Don't get scared off when the conversation gets strange. I nearly did but was patient and realized they know each other well enough to speak their mind and still care about each other.
God Bless,
Kerrie
It's the truth I am supporting and you chronicled it as well as I've ever seen it done....I think you have some ministry ahead Thomas... I wish someone had told it to me quite the way you told it to Leah... but then again, I was deaf and blind then.
How am I doing ??????????????????? You're not following the neverendingthread ??? It's a totally whigged out thread and it has been a ghastly experience.
Love, Brighty
How am I doing ??????????????????? You're not following the neverendingthread ??? It's a totally whigged out thread and it has been a ghastly experience.
Love, Brighty
Can't tell you how I felt tonight when I opened the site and found so many caring people. It truly brought tears to my eyes, to think you all took your time to be concerned about my problem when you have problems of your own. I want to answer each one and thank each one personally for the support and advise.
I really feel you are right about getting support from one of the groups mentioned. I think I knew this all along, but it is scary because it makes one face the situation and no longer believe it will go away any day. My daughter is a grown women in her forties, with five children. I guess, because we have always been so close and supportive of each other, I feel like it is a betrayal. I have carried this alone for so long! I know know that I'm not alone.......thank you for your prayers and best wishes. Mine also go along with you.
LEAH
I really feel you are right about getting support from one of the groups mentioned. I think I knew this all along, but it is scary because it makes one face the situation and no longer believe it will go away any day. My daughter is a grown women in her forties, with five children. I guess, because we have always been so close and supportive of each other, I feel like it is a betrayal. I have carried this alone for so long! I know know that I'm not alone.......thank you for your prayers and best wishes. Mine also go along with you.
LEAH
Hi Cindi,
Hope you don't mind my asking, but once before you mentioned to me about your mothers death and the pain your in. My mother passed away 1 year ago as of May 2nd. Yep, right before mothers day. I've had to hold in a lot of the pain of her death as my sisters aren't able to talk about it yet.She was in a lot of pain. Anyway, if you need to talk you can e-mail me at:
***@****. Sometimes it helps to go through things with someone whose going through it too.
Spook,brightly,Thomas,Annie, all of you,the way you help people that come to this forum looking for answers is to be commended. I only wish I could get my daughter to talk to all of you. Your concern is appreciated from this 44 year old mother and grandmother of 9.I just wanted to thank you all. There's a lot of good in yall.Remember that when someone tries to put you down,they doing it because their weak. You do help people here. I know.
Thanks , Kerrie
Hope you don't mind my asking, but once before you mentioned to me about your mothers death and the pain your in. My mother passed away 1 year ago as of May 2nd. Yep, right before mothers day. I've had to hold in a lot of the pain of her death as my sisters aren't able to talk about it yet.She was in a lot of pain. Anyway, if you need to talk you can e-mail me at:
***@****. Sometimes it helps to go through things with someone whose going through it too.
Spook,brightly,Thomas,Annie, all of you,the way you help people that come to this forum looking for answers is to be commended. I only wish I could get my daughter to talk to all of you. Your concern is appreciated from this 44 year old mother and grandmother of 9.I just wanted to thank you all. There's a lot of good in yall.Remember that when someone tries to put you down,they doing it because their weak. You do help people here. I know.
Thanks , Kerrie
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
