Xanax / percosets abuse

[New_Hope]

I have several issues going on with me, I was sexually abused as a child, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, and I took a nasty fall out of a tree that tore up my foot. I have not been able to work. The medications the doctor put me on helped in the beginning but then I started taking more and more and was also drinking, and then even snorted some. I have been laid up at home with very little contacts.This led to me having a stroke. I started trying to turn my life around and now have been drug free for 4 weeks. I got away from the house where all this was going on.  I have experienced horrible withdrawal symptoms, pain, anxiety, my insides torn up, could not sleep, horible visions, tormenting thoughts, feelings that I am not saved, feelings of uselessness, thoughts that I will never be able to work again, ashamed of what I have done to my mind and body, feeling like I will never be right again.  Although most of this is  better now, I still feel so hopeless and wonder if I should go back on a low dose, possibly monitored. Or, will this all get better if I continue on the way I am. I don't want to have to go back through those withdrawal symptoms again and I don't want to get back on that rollercoaster ride again.

[New_Hope]

Yes, I had 31 days with no pills and decided to try a low dose to help with the anxiety. I felt like I was dying. I was having sweats, could not sleep. Walking the floors. I can not think.

[xistn]

Maybe because of age... I don't know but, ive become a barnes n noble bum.  As before I wouldnt be caught dead in a book store.  My psych. suggested a book that i asked for... another words, im a very to the point and can't deal with all the fluff and b.s. that comes in some of these books. Its about Depression Anxiety and Congative Thero. The book is very blk and wht no fairy tale b.s. at all (which i like) its called "Feeling Good" by David Burns, M.D.  try it... it's a small paper back so its not over whelming like some can be.  

[freebird227]

I too am a servior of childhood sexual abuse, But b-4  I could begin the process of dealing with the trama of my past I had to get clean first.
Healing from abuse is usually a complicated journey and we need someone smarter than ourselves to help us to nagaviate through the maze.
Being clean has to come first, with all the issues we have Trust doesn't come easy and we know all to well how to self destruct.
So hang in there..don't use and get a support system inplace.....Good luck...I did it and so has countless others, You can do it too.

[SophieShine]

Hey there!
welcome to the forum. Did you quit xanax cold turkey?

[dominosarah]

Please listen to what everyone said on here.......there is always hope and healing.....sara

[nessyness]

I never thought a website could be so helpful i have been struggling with pills for a long time and for the first time in a long time i see a little hope for myself....so thank you...and when i get better i hope i can inspire others.....God Bless

[GA Guy]

Bear has given you great advice as well. Their stories show you that there is hope..just like your screen name.

[GA Guy]

Please, listen to Lesa. She knows where you're coming from and is a great example of where you need to be. She's had the courage to deal with the past and stay clean for herself. Reach out to her and allow her to be a role model for you. I bet she'd be more than happy to help guide you through this.

[PromisedLand]

If I may step in for a moment...my youngest (step) daughter has been in your shoes thanks to her mother's sperm donor, a supervisor at her first and second job and Lord knows who else...she was heading south with drugs...slowly thanks to counseling she is coming out of it and becoming the happiest sweetest person you could ever know and I am (and always have been) proud to call her my daughter....

My youngest son became addicted to heroin wound up in jail...somebody there talked him into going to an NA meeting...at the same time at home (1100 miles away) here I was hooked on vicodin...thanks to folks on here (including my good friend GA Guy) I was able to get off them, but I was also able to talk to my son on a similar level for the first time in our lives...addiction...one day he called me to tell me he had earned his 90 day clean pin...I have never been so proud in my life...because at that point things started turning around for him....and they can for New_Hope...right now...he attended meetings every day,, he had a great support group who loved him, and whoever they are will love you and help and be there for you...

I had the opportunity to meet a number of people who helped my son each of whom came up to me and told me how much they loved him and what a great young man (26) he was....sadly all of this was at his funeral, just 8 months ago, aftere he accidentally drank too much and asspirated it while sleeping...but to this day I'm so very proud of him for kicking drugs..as much as I miss him

and new_hope...you can do it too (please don't drink too much and die on us)...listen to folks in here...they love you...get in a group..you'll find love you never knew existed..m son always thought that nobody loved him..till he got in this group...at his funeral there wasn't room enough for all the people in that little town in Georgia...

Stay with us here...listen to GA guy...he is perhaps the most knowledgeable in here on this stuff and there are many others.

good luck and god bless

[10356]

Hi New_Hope.. My name is lesa and I was also molested and raped as a child by my step father.. and like you I had found medicating myself numbed the pain a way to cope.. I started with Heroin at 16 and had spent the last 35 years trying to the numb the pain.. Not till I received therapy was I able to put my past trauma into perspective and move on.. Congratulations on your quit.. we have a lot in common.. I just had a shoulder replacement over 3 weeks ago due to arthritis and have 3 plates and 16 screws in my foot.. due to a fall.. you should be feeling physically better soon but your thoughts will dwell in the past if you do not receive therapy.. and as suggested above a support group is as wonderful way to start to simulate back in with society.. I know of the isolation you speak of so Please reach out here for support we also have a depression forum where other survivors post also the most important 1 on 1 therapy.. I'm very comfortable in my skin right now I wish I would have allowed myself the opportunity to quit living in my past much sooner.. Be kind to yourself..

[GA Guy]

Do you understand that this isn't just an addiction thing with you? The first couple of lines of your first post tells all there is to know. All addicts are medicating ourselves to get rid of unwanted feelings. It isn't just the high. It's more of the repression of feelings we don't want to feel. Shame, guilt, anxiety, anger...it all counts. You're in desperate need of genuine conversation with people that can help you deal with the past so you can get to the future. If you don't, you'll always be tempted to take a pill to cover those feelings up.

[New_Hope]

have not been to any

[GA Guy]

I know things are bad, and I'm trying to help...but, you have to work with me a little. Have you been to a therapist? Have you ever considered meetings?

[New_Hope]

i have took  so much its like  im just slowly dieing

[GA Guy]

Part of your problems are physical. Withdrawals can take varying amounts of time to resolve. In the grand scheme of things, 4 weeks isn't long. I suspect the majority of the mental problems stem from two things. First, the Xanax is likely causing most of the prolonged withdrawals you're feeling. Benzos can take much more time to detox from than opiates. But, the root cause is the fact that you're trying to medicate your past by taking a pill. It just doesn't work that way. You're in desperate need of counseling along with some sort of support group. Have you considered AA/NA? Can you see a therapist?