Tough couple weeks

[Fireby29]

Hi friends, I just needed to unload a bit.

My father, who has had ALS for about a year and one half passed away on Friday.  In addition, my mother in law I had to admit to a geriatric psych unit last month due to her dementia and being unable to stay at the assisted living home she is in.  I took her home from there last week and she had not improved.  She is super depressed, agitated, wont eat, won't take her meds etc.  Her confusion and decline is painful to watch.  I need to try and take her back to a different unit today if possible, as assisted living cannot get her to take her meds, eat, or come out of her room. I am feeling stressed to a breaking point.  My poor 8yo kid, who was so close to both is dealing ok, but it hurts a ton to have to see him deal with this.  In addition, the usual relatives coming to town and dealing with them etc.  My wife is great, but she just cannot deal with her mom, far too painful, so it falls to me.  Plus my own mother is not exactly in a good place considering my Dad.  Ugh.

I am so glad that I have cut all sources, told my secret and engage in aftercare, because folks, I am afraid I would relapse if that stuff was not in place for me.  Sometimes I find it hard to believe I got clean during the past months with so much of this going on.  Anyway, thanks for listening and stay clean friends.

Bryan

[marycarmel]

So much you must cope with.  Will be praying for you & your family.  We suffered many losses in a short time & one of the most difficult things for me was seeing my children be so grief stricken.  Took so long to heal.  You're certainly planning well for your recovery.  So sorry for your losses.

[Pat1956100]

So sorry Bryan.  Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

[clean_in_ks]

Bryan, so much...so much at one time...I feel for you.  Appreciate your willingness to share with us....stressed to a breaking point for sure....but you won't break....you will bend.
As you know, my dad died of ALS, too, and even tho I'm so glad he isn't suffering anymore.....I miss him Sooo.  My m-i-law also had dementia..so sad as it progresses and you also lose a big part of them....love is our only balm.  You and I have about the same amt of time clean...so I've always been drawn to you and watch your posts... I can't imagine carrying your load right now!
You set yourself up for success early on.....you accepted other's advise graciously.....and you seem to be a very wise man.  Grief is so hard to process even when you aren't a recovering addict......Knowing the days and weeks ahead will try you in ways you haven't been tried while clean, I'm believin in you, prayin for you and know you will be strong making it thru the days ahead clean & sober. Can't wait to celebrate 365 days with you!
Blessings to you and your family.....I'll be holding you all close~
Connie

[toothfairie]

So sorry for your loss....it's a painful thing but i know you're strong and will thru it....thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Missshawn]

I'm sorry for your struggles!  You son is ok ,because he's watching his dad.  He see's how strong you are! I too am glad you cut all ties, pills aren't a option,Prayer is..

[Sweetness91]

I like the way you think!! Stay strong :)

[Fireby29]

Thanks for the support guys.  It is funny, but one of the things that gives me a little peace is that I know I am safe in my sobriety.  I mean, I just flat cannot get pills, so I feel good that I am not under a threat of relapse.  Had I not done all of that, I am unsure I would make it.  I have decent support, it just feels like I cannot get away from all of this.  I do see some light at the end of the tunnel, in that it is over for my father, and my mother in law will resolve itself at some point, so that is a positive.  Couple of points others make on the board here often comes to mind:

Sara always says keep your guard up!  I am glad mine has been.
Kyle always says that life will give you reasons to use everyday.  As bad as all of this has been, I know this is true, so the excuse of using "now" is bogus.

Bryan

[Sweetness91]

Too bad there isn't a "delete comment" option....oops??? Sorry for the double (half) post!

[Sweetness91]

Fireby...I am really sorry to hear of your loss and to hear that you are still going through a tough time. My mom had ALS for 6 1/2 years and I was her only caregiver. Started taking care of her when I was 15 and was 21 when she passed...and she was only 41. :( To watch someone you love so much wither away and lose every motor skill, but still have 100% of their mind is horrid. And to watch one have their motor skills, but not 100% of their mind...well I can't even imagine. I can only hope that you get the help you desperately need. That is too much of a burden for any one person to have to bear. I am keeping you in my prayers and hope you find a solution....soon! God Bless!!

[Sweetness91]

Fireby...I am really sorry to hear of your loss and to hear that you are still going through a tough time. My mom had ALS for 6 1/2 years and I was her only caregiver. Started taking care of her when I was 15 and was 21 when she passed...and she was only 41. :( To watch someone you love so much wither away and lose every motor skill but still have 100% of their mind is horrid.

[BlondeChick10]

Brian
My condolences to you and your family. I will keep you in my thoughts .  Stay well.
Ann

[nursegirl6572]

I'm so so very sorry for your loss.  ALS is such an awful disease, it's SO hard to watch someone with it decline so rapidly, and so severely.  I'm sorry you had to endure that.  Most definitely, he's not suffering anymore.  And dementia is another toughie.  My goodness.  You're in my heart, and my prayers.

Please lean on whoever you need to for support during such a rough time.

[dominosarah]

Bryan i am so very sorry to hear of your dad's passing.  I know how painful this is.  Please make sure you take some time to take care of you.  All of this gets very overwhelming and you need to step back and regroup.  Let yourself feel your emotions now.  Grieving is painful but something we have to walk thru, not around~sara

[selfinduced]

Dear Jesus Fire, You are going thru thru the fire and beyond. Whats your outlet?  This is alot to deal with even in a perfect world. Do you have someone close to help you with these trials? Sending you hugs, prayers and strength. I'm a good listener and always about to vent to. Hang tough and find help when it's offered.

[meegWpaw]

Bryan, you are so helpful and give so much support to all on here, now maybe we can give some back to you.  I'm very sorry to hear about your father and what a tremendously difficult situation with your m-i-l.  You have shown us all how strong you are and you know this yourself.  Please know my thoughts and support are with you in this hard time.

[PorVida]

I am really sorry to hear you have to go through this.  But you get to go through this sober and with a clear head, which allows you to truly mourn the loss and help your mother.  You would be cheating yourself and your parents if you were doing this high.

It is not easy, but you are strong man.  

[Brightfutureahead]

Just wanted to say hi and lend my support, Bryan. Hang in there buddy and good job getting it out :)

[BarbRTR]

And your wife as well. I had to do the same to my mother when I was 21. She ended up having to go in full nursing facility, as it was only me, no siblings, and she became unable to do anything, and didn't recognize me. Hard thing to handle.

[BarbRTR]

Oh I'm so very sorry to hear. So very sorry for your loss.

Your in my thoughts and prayers,

Barb