Let my grandpa down :(

[cheesenip]

Hello, everyone my names James Wright and I'm 16 years old. I started taking drugs by smoking pot when I was 14, this was truly out of couriosity. However, as school got harder and I realized how socially pathetic I am do to Asperger's it became more of a crutch. I have and still do anything from alcohol, opiates, amphetamines and many other things. However, I have avoided crack cocaine and meth do to seeing how my friends act on it.

Now, that you have a bit of background on me I would like to talk about a mistake I recently made. First, of all I have a great relationship with my grandpa. I've told him and continue to tell him my experiences with softer drugs as he doesn't approve of me using hard drugs. Well lets just say he basically thought I smoke pot and shrooms which he gave up ten years ago when he got a job. But, back to my problem. My family went on vacation and my grandpa happend to have a bottle of 100 7.5 Oxycodone 325 APAP. This excited me because I hadn't had opiates in a few  months so I had no tolerance. It looked like my grandpa used the sparingly so I didn't think he would count them. So over this whole vacation I took 20 of them. I"m not going to lie they made the vacation amazing and made the cabin so cozy. However my problems occurred when he called me up tonight and asked me of I had taken them. I told him everything as he assured me it would change nothing between us. This finally made me realize I need help and a place to vent so I decided to come here. My grandpa made it clear he wanted it to be like it never happend. I need suggestions for a better path. Although my grades couldn't be better I need to stop using drugs as a crutch. It just feels like there the only thing that makes my brain click to connect and socialize with people.

[cheesenip]

I have discussed my social problems with the doctor and also have told him about my pass drug use. As of now he doesn't think I have a problem because I told him it was just a phase of being curious. But, he has me on Lexapro for depression and anxiety, which I don't think is doing any good. I am very grateful to have my grandfather and I know I can talk to him about anything. However, I don't think I could tell my whole family especially my dad. For example, ever since I started taking lexapro hes been saying your "the mentally ill one, your the one who needs medicine to be happy" for every fight we get into. So, if he found out I was an addict he wouldn't let me leave the house. I know this because last year he found out I smoke weed and he made me live with him for 8 months. Thank you for the support.

James

[Lisahhh]

You are so fortunate to have a grandfather as understanding and compassionate as you do. That's a huge blessing. Since he was so understanding about this incident, is it possible for you to keep talking with him about your broader thoughts and concerns? Many of us don't have anyone in our lives to talk to - that you do is a gift. If I were you, I'd seriously consider that possibility.

It sounds like this may be a good wake up call for you. I completely understand that you think that this is the only way you can be happy and feel "normal." But the price is way too high; you get momentary relief, only to have created a much bigger problem. It's just not worth it.

You say you have Aspergers - do you take any meds for that or are you taking all these other things as a way of self-medicating? Can you talk to a doctor to see whether there is a legitimate medication regimin for you?

Good luck to you! Keep posting - there is a tremendous amount of support to be found here on these boards.

Lisa

[avisg]

WOW I am proud of you you came clean and that had to be very hard to do .I think you relized that this not the path you want to go too.OK now its time to move forward you are going to need recovery help aa/na something you have taken your first step so keep going so it for you and I can tell your whole family exspecially your grandpa .He may want to look into alnon meetings as well just so he can kind of understand where you are comeing from and how hard not using can be ....plz stay around and let us know how you are doing .