Aa
I am back and terrifed and embarrassed
If I could only have stayed focused on this I was reading through here and I would be well over two weeks clean. On day three I ended up going to get a script thinking I would taper myself down. Well that didnt work either....I was to embarassed to post anything but this is just crazy. I was miserable w/d and I have been miserable the past few weeks....so this is it. I HAVE TO DO THIS.....I am just so terrified. Hell I couldnt even make it past day 3 before and to top it of i will be on day 2 of w/ds and starting a new waitress job. I found this sight such a comfort and even made a few friends but then was just to stupid to talk to anyone about what i was doing and now here i am again. I just honestly dont know if I have the strenght in me to do this......but I dont have the strength in my to keep living the way I am.....I am just lost and embarrassed and very confused. Most of all I am just so mad at myself. So dang mad.
LOL...no maaam. Pillsnomore is FAMOUS for capitalizing certain words. She's ADDICTING!!!! =D
what happened to pillnomore...i was looking for her and havent seen her on here today. You and her were a lot of help to me last time I attempted this. Have a feeling I am going to need everyones help for a long time to come. BUT I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!
You are welcome...
"Why cant I be a normal person?" is a question i though about a lot. But when you say this now, I must say: normal is a relative thing. And you are "normal". You just lost yourself somewhere on the way, and you are not the only one. It just happens. To a lot of people...
You feel guilty. And that˙s not so weird. But don`t do that. At least try. That kills your power. You did some things you are not proud of, but we all did. Every person. and I totally understands how you feel, but try not to bother yourself w/this now, try to focus on staying clean. You will have a lot of time to analyze past, but now it`s time for you to focus on new page you are turning in your life... Try not to think about all the bad things, that makes some negative energy and makes you more vulnerable...
you feel bad because you reach this point. when we run away from reality it is hard to see ourselves and that`s how you ended up here. and now you are going back to real world so all this (negative) feelings, trapped inside of you, are getting out. But don`t let them to overpower you. Because this time is different. This time you can do it. And you will succeed...
You have a choice. And you are strong enough to manipulate yourself to think positive. You can blame yourself or not. You can think "no one is stupid like me" (even though deep inside you know that`s not realistically true), or "worse stuff had happen. At least I didn`t kill anyone or took somebody else`s life and choice". I think that`s the worst thing person can do.And you didn`t...
"Why cant I be a normal person?" is a question i though about a lot. But when you say this now, I must say: normal is a relative thing. And you are "normal". You just lost yourself somewhere on the way, and you are not the only one. It just happens. To a lot of people...
You feel guilty. And that˙s not so weird. But don`t do that. At least try. That kills your power. You did some things you are not proud of, but we all did. Every person. and I totally understands how you feel, but try not to bother yourself w/this now, try to focus on staying clean. You will have a lot of time to analyze past, but now it`s time for you to focus on new page you are turning in your life... Try not to think about all the bad things, that makes some negative energy and makes you more vulnerable...
you feel bad because you reach this point. when we run away from reality it is hard to see ourselves and that`s how you ended up here. and now you are going back to real world so all this (negative) feelings, trapped inside of you, are getting out. But don`t let them to overpower you. Because this time is different. This time you can do it. And you will succeed...
You have a choice. And you are strong enough to manipulate yourself to think positive. You can blame yourself or not. You can think "no one is stupid like me" (even though deep inside you know that`s not realistically true), or "worse stuff had happen. At least I didn`t kill anyone or took somebody else`s life and choice". I think that`s the worst thing person can do.And you didn`t...
YES...You can do this!!!! She's around. I'm sure she'll pop in sooner than later. We're always checking on each other as we beat this hell together. It's really nice to find someone in the same situation as yourself. There are a lot of posts of people at the same stage as you...friend one and do it together. We had some really bad days but we stuck it out together and became close friends after the devil was gone.
You have an inspiration! That`s great! Are you happy about your decision? And and about winning?
and another thing you said....you hated yourself on the pills....that is the way I feel. I hate myself on them...I am not even me. I fly off the handle....easily and i look at pics and i dont even know myself anymore. I just want to get thru this more than i have ever wanted anything in my life. Then i get thru this I can be me again and by the Grace of God everything else will fall into place. Funny thing is tho....i truely dont even know who me is anymore....i have been emotionless for so long....this is just crazy. It truely is.
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