I know you say you don't judge.....

[mamaamw]

I've lied. Again. It's a vicious cycle. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I went 21 days and broke down. Called the dr for the script and that was history. Took 120 hydros in 11 days. I honestly thought I had it nipped in the bud this last time. I honestly thought that was it. I feel like such a failure. Now, I get to look forward to my dreaded withdrawals that I KNOW are coming! I know I have to want it enough... At times I do. Then something happens and I feel I need the pills. I need for it to end once and for all! I said it last time too. But I'm truly wanting to stop this cycle!!! I just took the last one and now it's time for hell to begin. Please God don't lecture. I've kicked myself enough!!!!!

[mamaamw]

I called and left a message with the nurse. Told her what I wanted to tell her. Not sure if I'll hear back or not. I have an appt this week. Just pray for me. In the meantime, I've I've survived 22 hrs so far. Not much, but it's some....

[10356]

Hi Mamaamw.. You have a lot of fine people supporting you with a wealth of knowledge between them.. When I feel I'm backed up against the wall like you are and everything is coming down around me It is time too Surrender... Just Surrender to the process You are fighting so many battles on so many fronts Won't it feel good to shake it all off and just breath... You can do this by Surrendering.. Give up.. stop fighting.. Tell your Dr. you think you are in a lil trouble with the pain meds They are usually wonderful when you come to them. They appreciate Your Honesty.. They have their license on the line for you and the bases for a good relationship with your Dr. is Honesty.. If you were to need pain meds in the future you would be able to receive them They would be monitored closer but by that time you will be Grateful.. Your brain has been in such a fog from the dope On again at large amounts then off so we know this will throw you in a tizzy then the wreck added stress... You can stop it all today.. Stop the further eroding of your spirit of your organs of your relationships Just give in.. Then you can breath and start your recovery with the full face of honesty.. Your Spirit will rejoice for they dislike being chained thru guilt thru deceitfulness.. This is not you.. Go Get Your Life Back Today The Opportunity is here Knocking Open the door ok.. I wish you the very sweetest life.. lesa

[Goblin666]

I can so relate.  I told my physician via email to cut me off and scheduled a time with him a couple weeks later and had a real nice conversation with him.  He offered to add the meds to my allergy list so in case he was on vacation a covering MD wouldn't prescribe it for me.

It was not UNTIL I got honest and cut my sources that I have had any real success and I'm still slipping BUT this is the most progress I have made in 2 years.  You can do this.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

[msdelight]

Listen Mama, take one thing at a time. Getting clean needs to be a top priority for you right now. Its not time to leave your husband or do anything drastic. If you don't know what to do, then do nothing. Do not use, do not get a script, do not move out, do not make this worse for yourself. Get through today even if you have to take your lumps on the accident. Then get up tomorrow, start fresh and CUT YOUR SOURCES!!!!!

[kyle505]

You will ALWAYS feel the "need for a pill". Granted, the longer you're clean, the easier the voice is to manage, but once an addict, always an addict.
You did not cut your sources; you did not share your addiction with your doctor. If you continue to avoid these basic steps you will continue to relapse. You were told this when you were here last. Now is the time.
K

[mamaamw]

I'm just so scares at this point. So many emotions. I'm seriously considering leaving my husband. All this today. I just don't know what to do. I'm at my wits end!!