I need RECOVERY experiences for the health Pages

[avisg]

I had someone email me today asking me where they could go for info on recovery care long term because its seems that we do great with the first 30 days but then there is not any info about long term recovery .That got me thinking .I would like to make a health page with people experiences that are over 6 months clean .How did you get there what were the hardest parts ?What support systems do you have in place .You can either post it here and I will put it on the health page or you can send it to my IM.IPLZ IF YOU HAVE OVER 6 MONTHS TELL OTHERS ABOUT IT .It can make a big difference in peoples recovery.

[boogieman]

from my earliest memory, i always felt different and alone. i had wonderful, loving parents and never went without, but in the world i was a stranger. the day i tried to live was the day i found alcohol. instantly i had power. i could be brave, ambitious and socially adept for the first time in my life. soon afterward came the pot, powder and pills, and each gave me a different key for the solutions to my reality. i found music, and i found heaven. i found that as a musician i had ready access to my choice of poison, and i rode that train to the end of the tracks.
in time, my chemical friends began to become abusive acquaintances, and ultimately the demons that would drive me to the gates of death and insanity over and over for years. there were the rehabs, emergency rooms, and psych wards. there were the relationships, dreams, promises of hope, possessions, respect, opportunities, reputations and responsibilities that i gave away or burned to the ground. and finally all i had left was my broken will, and no desire except to be free of this body, this pain, this life.
i had been offered the solution for the first time in 1991, and it would be over 10 years later before i began to do the things that had been suggested to me the first time around. i went to meetings, got a sponsor, listened and learned, put my trust in god and began to change myself with his help through applying simple spiritual principles in my everyday life. the message never changed, i had to. i had to learn more painful lessons about relationships, success, failure, and complacency. they were painful because i picked up a few more times, as i tried to operate on my own self-centered will to do things my way, which was untested, instead of following the path that had i had been explicitly directed to. a path that had brought many before me through the storms and into the life that is intended for us all.
my last drink/drug was september 23, 2007. and god willing, if i can stay on this road and continue giving to others the directions to a faith and life, with meaning and purpose, i will be able to continue my journey to happy destiny---just for today.

[merrymaria]

i had my first pain pill when i had some dental work done 15 years ago....yeah they helped the pain and i noticed they gave me a funny feeling..like happiness and energy.  i remember feeling so happy changing my sons diaper and just feelin good.  when they were gone...no biggy..life went on...didn t miss them or had no wds...of course i only had like 20 pills if that.  fast forward to 2005....i have been a bartender for 23 years now and all that bending has taken a toll on my back.  so i was complaining that i hurt so bad and someone said heres a vicodin...take it.  i did and pain was gone and that great feeling was back i had prior.  they said they were worth 5 bucks a piece but i could have them for 2 bucks...okay i had 20 bucks so i bought 10 of them...i saved them for pain at first but as i took each one that great feeling was overwhelming...everything was good.  so i started taking 1 at 2pm and 1 at 8 or 9pm....soon i ran out and told the person to sell me more...but the price when up to 3 bucks a piece.  then 3.50....i thought i have legit pain...go to a pain management doc and get your own script.  thats what i did and found out i had DJD in both shoulders and a curved spine....so i got percocet 5mg...could take up to 4 a day....it was great but suddenly they weren t making me feel the same way and the pain would not go away like it used to..i told the doc and he gave me percocet 750 s.  that was awesome...so i thought...now i needed them as soon as i woke up...2 hours later....3 hours later and so on...so i was eating more than prescribed...eating my husbands, buying them at high prices just to keep up with feeling  
of greatness.   december 07 had a pee test at the docs...whoops they found vikes in there and cut me off....i was miserable...but i still had connections and still could have my hubbys...so that went on for almost 3 months....tried to quit in  march of 08 but just couldn t do it...kept on buying and buying and numbing myself to death....2006 was when it really got out of hand...lost my dog of 16 years, having problems with the kids, my mom got cancer...everything went wrong so i just kept numbing out to forget.   from march 08 till july..i kept abusing horribly 10 a day....sometimes 12 on a bad day... i would count and count and count everyday.  i got sick and tired of being sick and tired.  i was spending way too much on these XXXX things that did nothing anymore so after a big 4th of july showdown i said i quit tomorrow and that s what i did.  i took 2 weeks off..told my husband..he was great...and just did it.  i was sick...the first 5 days were miserable but as each day passed i couldn t believe how real things seemed...things i took for granted...like the birds singing, the gentle breeze, the glorious sunsets,  it all came back...and it was wonderful to wake up and not pop a pill to function.  i also had lots of cash....why was i such a fool?   how could i walk away from them years ago and then get caught up in them....still a mystery to me.   but i know i am an addict.  i know i can never ever take just 1.  i have it on my cell emergency note...no narcotics.  i beat the **** out of this addiction.  i won the battle...and anyone can. never has anything took over my life like opiates.  if i only hadn t been so stupid....but the past is done.  i just passed 9 months sobriety and i am proud of me.   proud to move forward and face lifes ups and downs head on...no coverup anymore.  med help is my recovery.  i try to get on daily when i can.  i didn t realize so many people were like me.  i pray daily, try to eat right, take the vitamins, walk when i can and try to help others the best i can.  i still work the bar...still see my connections...it s not easy but i don t ever want to go through that again.  i can be in control of my own life now...
anyone reading this struggling with opiate addiction..please stop now...you can do it.  if i can anyone can...ending this with a tear in my eye...
cheers to all who have beaten their addictions...be it pills, coke, pot, cigs, whatever it is keep going...may God bless us all....maria

[j34]

Well my suggestion is to write about your last 90 days of using ,cause when your brain tells you that is a good idea to get loaded again,(which it will) cause we have a disease which tells us we don't have a disease,You have it right there in black and white, the emptyness,lonleyness,despair,suicidal thoughts,the sweats, the inability to feel human,the thought that you could do it just "ONE MORE TIME",And on and on and on,If you are an addict it is most likely that you have had similar feelings and BOOM you just keep going back for more,It is okay you are not alone,we have all been there and there is hope, just for today you don't have to pick up,One minute at a time one second at a time.You are never alone, lean on somebody, lean on something greater that yourself,lean on the faith that it CAN be done just for today
This is how I say clean ,ONE DAY AT A TIME and NEVER ALONE, my disease of addiciton tells me I am alone,it twists my thoughts and feelings one thing I can guarantee you is Thoughts and Feelings won't kill you but dope will!! All the best

[carr]

We all know the reasons we have used during active addiction. I want to share why I decided to stop using. There are only 2 reasons. The first one is I was tired of being hungry. Literally hungry. By the time I decided I had had enough I had lost down to 83lbs, contracted Hepatitis C, lost family, home, car; living on the streets in an abandoned house. I never sold my body for dope or food. Well, when your on the streets and homeless, your "street friends" will throw you a lil something here and there. Some days I ate, some days, I didnt, but I always got high. Weird isnt it? I had went two complete days without eating and woke up from a binge thinking to myself "stupid, are you NOT done yet?" The second reason is, I was tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I had been through detox, medically. Been to rehab for 30 days. I can't say I wasnt warned or uneducated about any of it, because I was. I just thought I had all the answers. WRONG!!! So, I made a PROFOUND change in my life. I woke up and said "I'm done". I sucked up any pride I had left and called my family and begged them to come get me. Yes, begged them. And of course there were conditoins on them letting me back into their lives. I agreed to whatever they wanted I was hungry and tired. That was Sept 5th, 2008 and here it is April 1st, 2009.. 207 days ago.

I suggest reading up on drug addiction and acquiring any and all knowledge that you can about our disease. I suggest going to meetings AA, NA, CA respectively. I suggest posting here regulary. I suggest finding God in everyday circumstances. But most of all "BELIEVE IN YOURSELF". Surround yourself with family and friends (sober and clean). Take it one day at a time and do it just for today.

Self, family, friends, medhelp.com, knowledge of your addiction, meetings, church. That does it for me.

Peace in your life always,

carrie

[worried878]

just had to comment on gtm's post....it is impossible...almost anyway..for a true addict to use again..successfully..if there is such a thing..even the strongest of the strongest will fail...and also about the being honest part..when u have truly dealt with ur addiction.it is like coming out of the closet so to speak..it is such a relief to be able to be honest..to let it go..that it is so easy..once u r there..but getting there can take a long long time...many tapers...many CT's...and then one day u r done...when u r..honesty comes easily.and it feels sooo good...and for a while u will miss it as it was a daily part of ur routine..u can even miss a headache if u have had it long enuf!   life goes on...but truly there is realy no life when the pills have taken ur life over....anxiety will rear its ugly head here and there and u will freak..and think about quitting..it is almost like a panic attack..then u drown it out cos addiction puts spider webs in r brain...pills program ur brain to make that anxiety go so u can use without that nagging fear..trick u into thinking that u have control...but u dont...that fear that creeps up here and there ruins the fun..and the pills have built an armour around ur brain to make sure they have a place there..it is a hard thing to shake ...but we can and we do..so many here have done it..and tis forum is a great place to be when u r ready..realy ready to let go...great post gtm (:

[GoingToMakeIt]

It seems that most of us that have gone through addiction have seen that tendency in our lives at an early age. If you are truly honest with yourself and those around you, your chance of recovery are greatly increased. For me, this forum and the members in it had a great deal to do with my recovery. Whole heartedly dive into your recovery as you did when you were addicted. Keep your eyes on the prize of being and staying clean.
     Be honest and post, post post. That is what helped me get through the days and months that followed. I read up on addiction and learned as much as I could. You now have the Health Pages here to use as a place to get valuable information about your addiction and your recovery. The 3 part series on PAWS helped me so much. It put things into perspective. Knowing what could happen helped me when it did happen.
     Another good piece of advice is to not expect to be well and free of your addiction quickly. You didn't get addicted overnight, nor will you get free overnight.Also know this, once addicted, you may never be able to take those things again. Most certainly, they can rule your life if you use them again.