I need serious help.

[perfictme33]

Hi, Im from colorado and recently moved to New York City last june.  I was addicted to vicodin but wasnt taking much probablly two or three every night for about a year before I left for NYC.  I was accepted to a musical theatre school that is very demanding so i decided to quit and get my life back on track.  when I moved here i had quit for a month, had no withdrawls.  But I was taking ambien to sleep.  then I started having back pain.  I went to a doctor who prescribed vicodin 75 count.  then it started all over again.  The back problem turned out to be serious and I had surgery in november.  since then ive been very addicted and went up to 6-8 a day. lately ive been going to multiple doctors, and i feel like my backpain is still bad, (im still having surgery pain)  I cant tell my parents who are paying 30 a year for my education but I really need help.  I quit cold turkey two days ago, but i feel like I should get some more and finish out three weeks of school and detox over the summer.  I seriously cannot live like this.  I cant perform as well and I came here to follow my dream and passion but this is getting in the way.  I just want to cry all the time and im depressed and just really want to go home.  does anyone have any advice?

[dominosarah]

Hopefully with the amount of time you have been doing these and the dose you will have an easy time.  Usually day 3-4 will be the worst.  Some of us were taking many many pills a day for years.  I gained a ton of weight while i was using.  It comes off after you stop using.  I am sorry to hear about your friend who commited suicide and the one who overdosed.  What better gift to give yourself and to them by getting clean.  Keep on talking as it will make you feel better.  We will not judge you here....We may lay it out for you but we dont judge.  We have been in your shoes and understand.  You will never be alone here........sara

[perfictme33]

ok, yes i am im only taking one at night and ive had them for a long time, just never took them.  My mother has been on them for a year I think she is addicted. My cousin has had a bad opiate problem for ten years and has been on suboxone for two.  And my other cousin just got out of rehab for it.  that is also why im afraid to tell my family.  They just want me to do well, ive always been the successfull one and dont want to let my parents down. I feel like I need to tell someone, but im afraid of being judged.  My brother and my entire family judges my cousins so harshly.  that they are losers (ect).  I just cannot sleep on my own anymore.  but i was thinking what happens when i run out of ambien.  Ill freak out again.  i just need to quit everything.  I really wish i had never taken one i didnt ask for this.  And I always told myself no i wont be like that, im not an addict and i suddenly had an epiphany last week when i ran out of them i freaked and with out thinking i burned myself to go to the ER.  I was thinking now why the **** did i do that. I burned my entire hand with hot water.  It was like I wasnt even in my body when I did it.  Ive never been like this.  I feel like a crazy person. And I have no one, my family and friends are 2,000 miles away a friend from home commited suicide, and other died from a drug overdose a month ago.  suprisingly school is the only think keeping me going.  I've gained 35lbs and my brother lets me know.  hes like your getting fat. ahhhh sorry about the rant, this is the first time ive ever opened up to someone. Do you think I should be having worse withdrawls by now or will they get worse this week?

[dominosarah]

Are you taking the Ambien as directed??  Some have used that during wd's.  Look into the health pages here and get yourself on some vitamins or amino's.  They help.  Many of us also found out that once we got off the pills our pain got better.  Hopefully that will be the case with you.  Try and get plenty of liquids down, gatorade, water that sort of stuff.  Bananas are good for potassium, pudding snacks, toast applesauce....real bland foods.  You have so much potential and it is such a good time to stop doing what you are and be pill free.  I am very serious when i say this pill addiction will rob you of everything......body and soul.  Think positive, listen to music, take warm baths or showers if you are achy and you will get thru this.  You are already on day 2 and that is great!!!!!!!      sara

[perfictme33]

thank you so much.  im just really worried.  ive been off for two days as of today, and I feel fine just some anxiety that has gotten better now.  im just worried about it effecting my school work.  My back is still huring but ive been trying to get through the pain.  I still have ambien will that further the addiction or can i take it to sleep.  im worried about feeling like **** at school.  I havent eaten at all today.  ive tried but i have absolutely no appitite.

[dominosarah]

The pills will get in the way more than the wd will. You have a dream and the passion to go with it.  If you dont get off the pills you will be robbed of everything.  You will end up in alot of trouble for doctor shopping also.  If you want a chance at your dreams you have to get off these and stay off them.  We are here to help you.         sara