Trying not to slip today.

[bubbles1096]

Sweaty palms and I'm so anxious today, I had to call in to work today because it got so bad this morning. I havent' called in in over 2 years! I worked a double shift yesterday and today I'm supposed to do a lab for school, tomorrow I have a job interview, and then to find out, my mother has to go back to the oncologist (she's battled cancer 2x) because they've found a large mass behind her shoulder (could be her lungs, but she hasn't smoked a day in her life).....the list goes on and on. I hate to come on here and give a sob story but I need to get a grip and am so close of rummaging through my sister's bathroom to find something, just anything to calm me down and ease some of the pain.

[uggghh]

just because today is a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the best day of your life...you just gotta get there.

[bubbles1096]

To Everyone:

Thanks so much, I'm trying my best to hold the line!  I've gone this far and even though it's not a long time, I tell myself that I WILL NOT go back, I haven't gone back. I just have to remind myself more today!

[dominosarah]

Go back and read strictlyforpains post.  That pretty much sums it all up.  Keep fighting this and get really busy.  You can do this.  You are alot stronger than those pills.  Keep posting here.    stay strong       sara

[Kova]

as i posted, now that i am feeling better physically, the craving to get high is stronger than ever!  please stay strong!

love and light,
Kova

[bandnmom]

We all have hard days but before when we were using we would just take some extra and numb ourselves. Thats the difference. I am over 9 months clean an i still have my moments but i do just like you did, i come here and post! You do have alot on your plate right now but you know as well as i do, using is not gonna make any of it any better. You are stronger than that and then to have to start over....you dont want that.....thats just one more thing to add to your plate. Right??

[strictlyforpain]

Man that stinks. I feel for you. But I'm not going to make it easy on you. Gut it out. I've lived with Chronic pain since I was 17 but it got really bad in 2007 with a new accident. I've kept one of my kids alive for 4 years. She died in my arms a few times but I brought her back. I've lost my job (laid off), lost my home (no job) and ... lost everything. I've rebuilt my life through self-employment and I fight on. I've taken:

Avinza
Percocet
Oxycodone
Oxycontin
OxyIR
Lortab
Norco
Vicodin
Valium
Darvocet

All as prescribed and never abused them once. Even when I sit across the table and stare at my wife as we eat baked potatoes for the 7th time in a row because we have no money at all. I'd sure love to pop more and make life go away but I know what's going to happen...

Thanks to the people here sharing their addiction nightmares I know that if I cross that line that coming back over will be a horrendous effort and sacrifice.

Don't cross that line. Sometimes when it's hard I think of the movie Gladiator in the very beginning Maximus leads a cavalry charge on the Germanian lines. He screams loudly "Hold the line! Stay with me!" and what he is saying is when you maintain that line between use/abuse/addiction you are safe. If you cross that line and get ahead of the charge you will be all alone facing a horde of danger that wants to cut you up.

"Hold the line. Stay with me!"

Understand that other people have it just as hard and they are not giving in at all. You can do this. Because at one point you didn't have this problem. You can get back there all on your own.

"Hold the line!"

- Rex

[bubbles1096]

Thanks for your supporting words. At least if I get it out in the open, I'll be accountable for what I do, that's why I came here, so I cn get support from others who have been through this.. I don't know why today is so hard!

[bandnmom]

You need to sit own and take a deep breath! When it rains it pours but you are stronger than those pills. You can get threw this without using!! I know you can. Its good that you posted and we are here to help.