Would someone please help me?

[Lindsay_T]

Hi everyone. I'm on day 35 and so grateful for that. Heres my problem. I had to LOCK myself in my daughters bedroom to  type this SOS! My husband is very demanding and mean. He is literally hounding me. I am not very strong right now.
I wanted to write many times earlier, but he's always hounding me, following me around when I ask him to give me space. Repeatedly apologizing and then getting mad because I "bring up stuff that he already apologized for." It is not physical abuse, but rather a lack of respect for my personal space.
he is a big user of all kinds of pills. He has some legit health issues, but still... the pills don't help his emotional state. As we all know because we've been there, the pills can turn you into a real jerk and you don't even know it.
I just got back from my  second clean business trip. I was almost a disaster all on its own (even without husband issues). I went out with collegues and got very drunk. I do have to add that before that, like the second nite I was away my husband did call me and was very mean to me over the phone. I was not drunk that nite or the previous nite.
Anyway the third night I got drunk.
Thank god I had NO vicodin with me. and was way too busy to figure out how to get any.
The next day - major hangover - major low energy and low performance when I needed to shine.
There is NO question that I would have taken one if I had it. I'm so glad I was strong enough when i left for my trip to not "get" and/or "pack" any - "just in case"....
So, the alcohol thing is a BIG BIG danger zone. I want to warn others. I wonder if I am an alcoholic and just need to stop drinking all together. I really got drunk big time and did some things that were ridiculously stupid and wrong.
Regarding vicodin, since my husband is so difficult, and since I just got back from a very grueling business week, I am feeling very weak.
Please tell me what to do. I am feeling lonely, and very upset. I don't wont to take vicodin. I am just in so much pain. oh yeah, and I'm really PISSED.
~Lindsay

[optimus22mac]

I just wanted to add that stopping an anti-depressant all at once can have adverse effects... if you really want to stop, you should be weaned by a doctor.

[dominosarah]

I meant the vicodin gives us a false sense of security, not the AD meds.  Thought i better clarify that one.......

[Lindsay_T]

Yes, you answered my questions. Thank you.
I stopped taking my AD about a week ago and my Dear Husband is really freaked out. He says I'm 'too intense' without it. I argued I am that way because I'm not taking vicodin.
I think I stopped my AD because just reaching for the orange Rx bottle every day  (for zoloft) made me think of vicodin. I just don't want anything todo with any pill bottle right now, even if I am a pain to live with. Besides, ADs are not supposed to make you "less intense" anyway.

[dominosarah]

There is nothing wrong with taking antidepressants.  Many have to for a short while after they clean up and some are on them indefinently.  There is no shame in being on them.  The pills give us a false sense of security and mask the underlying issues.  Yes your vigilence and quest should be a life free of pain meds but if you need some AD meds then by all means do that.  Also depression is very common for awhile when you come off the pills too but if you had trouble with depression before be proactive.  Usually they need to be taken for awhile before you see any improvement......did i answer any of those questions or just confuse you?!!!

[Lindsay_T]

I have read  on this forum a lot of women who say that once they started taking vicodin, they were finally able to function and get things done.
Here is my question:
Could a predisposed condition, like depression, cause some of us to "take to" vicodin because we were fighting depression? Depression is a measurable condition caused by an imbalance of chemicals in your brain. Therefore, if I was initially in love with vicodin because I was depressed and it cured that, then, what if I am still depressed now that i am clean?

And how can i tell if I am depressed or not, because my life is in such a HUGE state of transition due to finally stopping the Vicodin.

And what is bad about anti depressants? They are not like opiates, right?

Should my vigilance and quest to be free from addiction to pills include a desire to not take an antidepressant?
~Any thoughts would be much appreciated,
Lindsay

[dominosarah]

and the question is???

[Lindsay_T]

Hi mary poppins chick,
Hey I have a question... imagine that....

[dominosarah]

Lindsay, alcohol is the devils drink~~~~sara

[Lindsay_T]

"so ya it would probably be a good idea to give up the booze you wont be missing out on anything but a hangover anyway.."
Gnarly,
You're comment (above) is a keeper.
smiles,
Lindsay

[gnarly_1]

HI lindsay...sounds like you got your plate full living with someone that also abuses pills
that in itsel can be really hard...as for sobriety I guess what you give up or allow into your life is a choice we all make...I seen alcohol and weed destroying my life 5yrand 4mo ago a quit it with the help of A/A and N/A to this day I still will crave alcohol if im around it..I even have to avoid the liquer isle in the grocery store...I just wish I quit the methadone when I quit all the other recreational stuff but I had a few more years of living in denial b/4 I quit that
as a general rule a buzz is a buzz regardless of where it comes from and is unhealth for an addict...its also real ez to become cross addicted when your just getting clean we substitute something else...so ya it would probably be a good idea to give up the booze you wont be missing out on anything but a hangover anyway..congrads on being narcotic free for 35 days your off to a good start the booze was just a slip in the road dont beat yourself up over it use it as a learning experience good luck and God bless.....Gnarly          

[Lindsay_T]

Thank you, Avisg. I swear life can be hard. I love the Lord and am constantly going to Him in prayer. I've been married 16 yrs and it is very hard, but no one is easy to live with when you get right down to it.
I have a 13 and 14 yo kids. I get so upset about my husband being a jerk, it *****. I try to take the high road and not let my buttons get pushed, but it is much harder "clean."
Being able to have this forum to post is like a ledge on a cliff where i can perch and catch my bearings.
You all need to know that this is such a big help to me.
Before I had this forum, I would just go right back to the pills, even if I was trying to quit.
I am puzzled by the alcohol connection, though. It seems like I must quit not just because of my vicodin addiction, but also because it is so potentially dangerous for me all on its own.
This overwhelms me. Now I have to quit booze too! or I guess I should say Now I GET to quit booze too! How cool will that be?
Anyway, if anyone else is struggling with these dynamics, let me know how its going.
And don't worry about my husband. I know that staying free from vicodin is so important. I will fight to get some freedom to post. Even if he puts me down for being on "social media" all the time.

[meemums]

Sounds like you and he could both use some counseling.  I am not a licensed therapist and don't pretend to know what is best for you, but I can tell you have an issue you need resolving.  Get some help, professional help.  Best wishes!

[vicki595]

Well,you are vulnerable and early in your recovery.  Alcohol can be a big problem and as addicts we have to be careful with everything!  Even food!!

It's late now and I was about to go to bed. Maybe you should,too. Things tend to look brighter in the light of day...

Be careful of getting upset and reaching for a drink. That's not good and you know that.

35 days is great and I know it's tough...I've been there.  You'll feel better with a bit more clean time behind you.

Vicki

[avisg]

my suggestion would be not to drink. When I quit using i quit using everything because I have an addictive personality so I am prime to pop from one addiction to another . In then end it your choice but it sounds like you already have an idea it not a great thing for you .
As for hubby he kind of sounds possessive in a scary way plz be careful.